House Problems and In Laws

[Mumwhocantfindanunusedusername]

Sorry about any grammar issues I am not great at writing. I will also try not to drip feed and be really accurate...

Myself and partner saved for a mortgage about 10 years ago and planned to buy a small house, PIL had come into inheritance and sold a business so advised they would buy us a family house outright and we could pay them back, avoiding a mortgage and having to start small. We were so happy and had no reason to distrust them so we chose a house, moved in, spent the mortgage deposit on furniture and refurbs ect. And started monthly payments to PIL. (I was stupid to not be more involved, I felt awkward as was such a large amount to loan, I didn't talk to my partner about paperwork becuase once again I am a idiot, he went round his parents so many times to go through things and I stupidly assumed this was him sorting the house being ours and a formal payment plan).

Anyway 10 yearsish later we are at the pub discussing that we are getting a smart meter to save money and they said we can't as it might affect their next tenants or renting in future!

I was a bit bemused but carried on and when we got home discussed it and agreed partner would chat with his dad as we thought we were paying off the house to own, not renting.

In the conversation his dad said the house wasn't ours, that because partner will get everything in his inheritance it doesn't matter anyway and we should trust that they will give it us without paperwork, that we are renting and not paying off the house cost.

My partner loves his parents and doesn't seem to mind that we moved in under false pretences but I am so upset.

If anything happened to them health wise we don't own the house so it would need to be sold for their care and in all honesty people live til 90-100 now adays and I don't want to base my financial independence on dead in-laws. Finally if we are renting and they do live to 100 healthily we will pay off the house twice if not more!

Now we are saving for a mortgage on a small house as my partner agrees we can't wait for them to die to get on the housing ladder. Its hard to save with children and while paying rent and needing to downsize and Im just slightly begrudging that we would have half owned our original house by now if they hadn't put us in this position.

I honestly feel hurt by it all. I feel tricked into moving into a home and renting. I feel angry at my partner as I am cutting back so much so we can move out and get our own home as soon as possible and I'm upset at my in-laws as if they told us they were buying a house for us to rent I would have declined!

Let me know if I am being unreasonable as writing this I feel like I sound like a ungrateful brat BUT of my in-laws get sick and need to sell their houses, me and my family will be stuck and I just wish someone would have told me that was the position I was in!

Furthermore when MIL wants to come round I now feel like I don't have a choice. All the times she commented on the messy house she was obviously looking at her investment and I just feel like I can't even paint without their permission now!

And when you finally leave as well as tearing a strip off them, I’d also tear a strip off every room of the wallpaper, so angry on your behalf OP

You aren't married so what makes you think you'd get his life insurance?

They are married; read the whole thread.

You aren't married

That are

What Drspouse said.

Have a cold hard think about what outcome you want.

If you just want things to be they way they were before the Drspouse's suggestion might be the thing. I think you can calmly say that the impact of this is so huge that you have no choice but to take legal advice, there is no need to go in all guns blazing if you want to salvage the home, your marriage and maintain a civil, if guarded, relationship with ILs'.

If you don't want to salvage things, legal advice still, and no need to show your anger still, but you just want your money back and to get out.

There may well be a case for fraud or theft here. Pursuing it is clearly the nuclear option in term of relationships, but the option is there nonetheless.

OP, I hope you feel better soon & return to this thread.

This whole business is a rude shock wake-up call. Your hopes & trust in the people around you have been hammered.

Please be kind to yourself BUT most of all take responsibility & control of your own life by seeing a lawyer on your own.

You have given up too much of your responsibility to yourself as an independent adult to other people - you know this & this is part of the sting of the wound.

Well, no more.
Get professional advice from a solicitor & understand clearly & unequivocally where you, only you, stand. Interim, you can contact either Citizens Advice Bureau or Shelter for a brief consultation by phone or online for outline advice. But your need for a sound legal perspective in your own right remains. Often the first half hour can be free, but monies paid for good advice are an investment in your future.

I think your DH is either incredibly emotionally naive, selfish or a bit dim. Your own comment about if you had known more of his relationship with his mother you would not gone ahead with the relationship says much about you both.

No matter the future of your marriage, you need to build the foundations of your future life, a healthy scepticism about other people’s motivation & financial security. This starts with you.

Being busy, working & having kids does not absolve you of your responsibility to pay attention to how & who you trust.

I say this not to be harsh, or to hurt you, as the point is that you can change your mindset & how you do things from how you have been doing things until now. You can change.

Solicitor - as soon as possible.

I'd be saving like you are planning a move. I think you may have a legal case as you have no tenancy agreement and it sounds like you have managed the house as a rental property. However, any action you take will harm your son's relationship with his parents so he's unlikely to want to do that. I'd be bloody furious too, as you say if they live a long time you have no security and will have overpaid for the house too.

Please PLEASE speak to a solicitor, they'll be best in this situation. What bastards though

@NewFoneWhoDis Has wrote exactly what I was going to write.

Sorry OP but I’m 100% convinced he was well aware of it, that if it was yours and you split up, you would be getting half. He’s just panicked now because was it’s all come out. I wonder if you have a conversation with is parents will they say ‘But ds knew this was happening...’. You’ve been taken for a ride around the block, and they still have you in that car. Time to stop and get off.

One thing that would make me so angry- apart from the deception and greed of PILs, treating him like a child, etc - is that while they were so busy trying to make sure their son's GF, then wife, then mother of his children, now committed loving partner of over ten years didn't get her mitts on half of the smallest of their 5 spare houses in the event of a breakup...
...they were throwing a big festering binliner of shit under the floorboards of his relationship, knowing that there was a high risk it would blow open some day if you found it. What on earth did they think the pillow conversation between their son and his beloved wife was going to be like the night she found out she had been deceived into throwing rent money into their coffers for ten years leaving herself so financially vulnerable and not knowing if she can trust the father of her children or not? Even if they don't really care about you, what sort of arseholes would risk their child's relationship and therefore happiness like that? Fuckers who know the price of everything and the value of nothing, that's who.

ILs haven’t even been generous to their own son as they have been taking rent and have reaped the benefit of the inflation in property prices — OP mentions £30,000.
I think in this case equity would find an implied trust in favour of OP and her husband.
In your position OP I would be heartbroken to suddenly find all my dreams and expectations to be suddenly be shattered and to lose my trust in those I thought cared about my family. Theft not only from you but their grandchildren.

Can you do some sums OP?

Rent costs
Building insurance
Repairs
Boiler safety checks
Upgrades
Etc

Then present it to PIL and agree a sum of money to leave?

If the OP goes to a solicitor one of the main questions they'll be asked is "what was the agreement with the ILs?" with a follow-up question of "what do they believe the agree was?".

This information will be needed to get useful advice from a solicitor.

Hi OP

Have you had a conversation with them about it and asked them why they changed their mind without telling you? Why there was no rental agreement? Why they went ahead and let you invest money in the house knowing you thought it was yours?

Agree with other people saying speak to a solicitor. They effectively changed your agreement without telling you. Have you got any evidence at all that they said originally it was a loan for the house? An old text or email or anything? I'd also make sure that your husband definitely didn't know anything about it, as if they did tell him and he didn't tell you, they haven't done anything wrong.

I'd also be looking to get the money back from them for any investments or improvements in the property and any repairs etc as tenants wouldn't normally pay for this

Don't wait for your husband to agree before you see a solicitor. You need to know where you stand by getting independent legal advice. Sadly, it looks your husband could be complicit in the deception, and if he sits in on the solicitor's meeting with you there's every chance he'll go running off to mummy and daddy to warn them.

Bastards

They give you the deposit money you've spent on doing up the house and adding value to it, or they agree to you living rent free for a while. Or even they gift you a large deposit to try to put you back in the position you would have been in.

^^ This.

You need to add up the cost of everything you have paid towards the house and work out what percentage it is of the original house purchase price. Then tell your in laws that you want that percentage of the current house value, as they have deliberately duped you and if they fail to cooperate you will take legal action against them. I know this sounds harsh, but what they have done is fraudulent.

Either that or they transfer the house into your joint names and agree an amount that you still owe them, which you pay of by raising a mortgage.

Your in laws duped you big time. They have conned you as surely as if they sold you a pyramid scheme or snake oil. They are beyond belief as human beings.

You’ve learned a painful lesson, but consult a lawyer - you’ve been really stuffed here.

And if I were them I’d have no shame left

You poor thing

They are evil, time to stand up for yourself OP.

Despicable behaviour from them and your DH.

I would definitely tackle this with the outlaws even if they fall out with you. I definitely would Also be asking them whether if the property was a rental have they declared the income and asking for a refund of all
Maintenance charges you have paid. I think they have just been nicely living off you for the last few years and making sure the only benefactor of their “generosity” was their son.

Just make sure you know if your DH was in on the deception or not before you consult anyone on a legal basis.

@motoko "Well, the gas safety certificate is obvious! As landlords, it's their legal duty to have the boiler and any gas appliances, checked for safety every year. That would have been a clue to OP that they were renting, not buying.
And as they haven't done that, it's quite likely they're also not acting legally in other areas, such as paying tax on the rental income.

BTW, not doing the certificates, (which comes under the HSE) can lead to very large fines, and possibly prison sentences."

what I'm saying is, it's not really the big issue here, whether or not the council tackle the in-laws for being bad landlords.

OP can consult a solicitor without knowing definitively if her husband knew about this or not. She just needs to let the solicitor know, and they can give OP advice on both scenarios.

Because her husband may still lie to her about knowing, to save his bacon.

@Nickpan I know, and I'm not disputing that, I was just explaining why some people were mentioning it. Plus, it's another nail in their coffins, more evidence of their deceit in allowing OP to believe she was buying the house. The more evidence she has, the stronger her case.