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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

House Problems and In Laws

258 replies

Mumwhocantfindanunusedusername · 11/04/2019 08:34

Sorry about any grammar issues I am not great at writing. I will also try not to drip feed and be really accurate...

Myself and partner saved for a mortgage about 10 years ago and planned to buy a small house, PIL had come into inheritance and sold a business so advised they would buy us a family house outright and we could pay them back, avoiding a mortgage and having to start small. We were so happy and had no reason to distrust them so we chose a house, moved in, spent the mortgage deposit on furniture and refurbs ect. And started monthly payments to PIL. (I was stupid to not be more involved, I felt awkward as was such a large amount to loan, I didn't talk to my partner about paperwork becuase once again I am a idiot, he went round his parents so many times to go through things and I stupidly assumed this was him sorting the house being ours and a formal payment plan).

Anyway 10 yearsish later we are at the pub discussing that we are getting a smart meter to save money and they said we can't as it might affect their next tenants or renting in future!

I was a bit bemused but carried on and when we got home discussed it and agreed partner would chat with his dad as we thought we were paying off the house to own, not renting.

In the conversation his dad said the house wasn't ours, that because partner will get everything in his inheritance it doesn't matter anyway and we should trust that they will give it us without paperwork, that we are renting and not paying off the house cost.

My partner loves his parents and doesn't seem to mind that we moved in under false pretences but I am so upset.

If anything happened to them health wise we don't own the house so it would need to be sold for their care and in all honesty people live til 90-100 now adays and I don't want to base my financial independence on dead in-laws. Finally if we are renting and they do live to 100 healthily we will pay off the house twice if not more!

Now we are saving for a mortgage on a small house as my partner agrees we can't wait for them to die to get on the housing ladder. Its hard to save with children and while paying rent and needing to downsize and Im just slightly begrudging that we would have half owned our original house by now if they hadn't put us in this position.

I honestly feel hurt by it all. I feel tricked into moving into a home and renting. I feel angry at my partner as I am cutting back so much so we can move out and get our own home as soon as possible and I'm upset at my in-laws as if they told us they were buying a house for us to rent I would have declined!

Let me know if I am being unreasonable as writing this I feel like I sound like a ungrateful brat BUT of my in-laws get sick and need to sell their houses, me and my family will be stuck and I just wish someone would have told me that was the position I was in!

Furthermore when MIL wants to come round I now feel like I don't have a choice. All the times she commented on the messy house she was obviously looking at her investment and I just feel like I can't even paint without their permission now!

OP posts:
Handsoffmysweets · 12/04/2019 11:14

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Idontmeanto · 12/04/2019 11:21

Op hasn’t been back in a while so hopefully she’s getting some advice and real-life support. I think we need to understand she needs to keep her cards close to her chest and not post her intentions on the Internet, but I hope she can update us one day. I agree that this is an horrendous case of financial abuse that’s going to stay on my mind. Good luck op!

YesimstillwatchingNetflix · 12/04/2019 13:02

@Idontmeanto agreed. This has been haunting me all day. I hope OP gets some advice and support in real life.

It makes me sick that people think it's ok to treat women like this.

hellsbellsmelons · 12/04/2019 13:17

Good grief, this is awful.
I'm sorry you find yourself in this situation.
You've had some good advice.
Time to take action now and get the legal ball rolling.

Motoko · 12/04/2019 15:37

I'm just worried that she doesn't get legal advice, as she seemed reluctant to do so, and just lets them get away with it because she can't face fighting for her money.

LadyGagasMeatDress · 13/04/2019 03:20

Motoko I guess it's more than fighting for the money. I too would be afraid of digging deep because it opens a huge can of worms about her relationships with her DH and in-laws which could (let's face it, it most definitely will) change their lives forever now. It's a big leap and it might take her some time to feel able to do that. I hope she can do it soon but it must be so incredibly hard for her.

fizzandchips · 13/04/2019 05:32

I’m not sure your DH did know, I think he just trusted his parents. They are clearly very switched on and financially motivated and I think (hope) your DH was naive not dishonest. Now that you are aware they consider you to be renting from them and not paying off the cost of purchasing the house 10 years ago I think you should speak to a solicitor. Good luck OP this is a horrible situation to find yourself in.

CanuckBC · 13/04/2019 07:51

What a mess! I would be furious with the In-Laws and potentially DH if he had any idea what they were originally up to.

What a financial cluster fuck. You could be in a way better situation if you had known that you were only “renting” as there is no way you have done things the way you have done ie repairs, new flooring and more! You don’t do things like that in a rental, ever!!!

I cannot believe the whole situation. If your DH knew all along that would be so heart breaking to find out. I really hope that he was just naive and beloved that you were paying off the house as well.

Wallywobbles · 13/04/2019 07:58

It's not his inheritance because if it's needed to pay for their care it'll have to be sold because it belongs to them.

UCOforAC12 · 13/04/2019 07:59

This is a really shit situation OP and I'd suggest you and your DH take legal advice

HotpotLawyer · 13/04/2019 08:41

“It's not his inheritance because if it's needed to pay for their care it'll have to be sold because it belongs to them.l

And it’s hardly an inheritance gift because he and the OP will have paid for it: their rent going to the mortgage!

beanaseireann · 13/04/2019 08:48

They own five ( I think the OP said) other properties and still took the money under false pretences.
Once sorted with solicitors advice, I'd be going no contact.
I do hope the OP's dh knew as little as she did about the deception.
Horrible people.

user1494055864 · 13/04/2019 08:54

OP, I really hope you will see sense and go and get some independent legal advice. Take your mum with you.
I don't agree that you should add up what you've spent and serviced, and ask for that back from in laws, as that is admitting defeat, and accepting you are renting when you are not, and never have been renting. That is why it is absolutely crucial to speak to someone who knows what they are doing, before having any further conversations with the in laws. OP you may find the law on your side, it's worth a try.

HotpotLawyer · 13/04/2019 09:29

If the parents really believe the ‘inheritance’ line it would be better for them to give the property to their DH now, to avoid IT or CGT. They are making a pretty inefficient decision.

Motoko · 13/04/2019 10:01

If the parents really believe the ‘inheritance’ line it would be better for them to give the property to their DH now, to avoid IT or CGT. They are making a pretty inefficient decision.

Exactly. That's what my husband's parents did.

@LadyGagasMeatDress well yes, there's that too.

PBobs · 13/04/2019 10:39

Please stop giving him the only child get out clause. It's nothing to do with being an only child. He's thick and his parents are nasty. I'm an only child and am appalled by their behaviour and his.

pinksquash13 · 13/04/2019 10:47

Really poor. I'd struggle to have a relationship with them. Do they know how you feel?

PBobs · 13/04/2019 10:48

And please go and see a solicitor. Don't give in like this. You've basically been giving money to your in laws. It's shocking. I'd be over at theirs telling them what I think of them. I would if it were my parents too.

Horsemenoftheaclopalypse · 13/04/2019 12:20

I cannot stop thinking about this thread and the OP... it is my idea of a nightmare.

I really hope OP is okay.

RhiWrites · 13/04/2019 14:02

Take the legal advice, OP. Knowledge is power.

And you may find the in-laws on further reflection and with a strong legal case, change their minds again without you needing to litigate.

The relationship is fucked anyway. Find out your rights.

Sugarformyhoney · 13/04/2019 14:14

Similar happened to us.
We were looking to buy a house- in laws had a house empty as they were living in Canada. They couldn’t sell it to us straight away as it was an ex local authority house so we agreed to start paying the mortgage and they’d transfer it to us when they could legally.
Anyway paid the mortgage, repaired the house as it was a shit hole and after the year ils decided that they would sell the house on the open market as it had more equity than a year ago and the prudentheyd agreed on with us.
At the time I was gutted and fucking furious but we saved and bought a little house in a much nicer area.
I feel for you op, 10 years is a long time.

Idontmeanto · 13/04/2019 14:29

I just can’t believe what I’m reading and how totally some parents are prepared to fuck over their kids.

justasking111 · 13/04/2019 14:32

If there is no rental agreement what is happening to the money. I would stop paying and see what happens.

I am so sorry.

Numptysod · 13/04/2019 15:21

Ask for tenancy agreement and then any home improvement you ask for money back?

Numptysod · 13/04/2019 15:22

Ring HMRC and mention to them the rental income you been paying!

Show your DP this thread