House Problems and In Laws

[Mumwhocantfindanunusedusername]

Sorry about any grammar issues I am not great at writing. I will also try not to drip feed and be really accurate...

Myself and partner saved for a mortgage about 10 years ago and planned to buy a small house, PIL had come into inheritance and sold a business so advised they would buy us a family house outright and we could pay them back, avoiding a mortgage and having to start small. We were so happy and had no reason to distrust them so we chose a house, moved in, spent the mortgage deposit on furniture and refurbs ect. And started monthly payments to PIL. (I was stupid to not be more involved, I felt awkward as was such a large amount to loan, I didn't talk to my partner about paperwork becuase once again I am a idiot, he went round his parents so many times to go through things and I stupidly assumed this was him sorting the house being ours and a formal payment plan).

Anyway 10 yearsish later we are at the pub discussing that we are getting a smart meter to save money and they said we can't as it might affect their next tenants or renting in future!

I was a bit bemused but carried on and when we got home discussed it and agreed partner would chat with his dad as we thought we were paying off the house to own, not renting.

In the conversation his dad said the house wasn't ours, that because partner will get everything in his inheritance it doesn't matter anyway and we should trust that they will give it us without paperwork, that we are renting and not paying off the house cost.

My partner loves his parents and doesn't seem to mind that we moved in under false pretences but I am so upset.

If anything happened to them health wise we don't own the house so it would need to be sold for their care and in all honesty people live til 90-100 now adays and I don't want to base my financial independence on dead in-laws. Finally if we are renting and they do live to 100 healthily we will pay off the house twice if not more!

Now we are saving for a mortgage on a small house as my partner agrees we can't wait for them to die to get on the housing ladder. Its hard to save with children and while paying rent and needing to downsize and Im just slightly begrudging that we would have half owned our original house by now if they hadn't put us in this position.

I honestly feel hurt by it all. I feel tricked into moving into a home and renting. I feel angry at my partner as I am cutting back so much so we can move out and get our own home as soon as possible and I'm upset at my in-laws as if they told us they were buying a house for us to rent I would have declined!

Let me know if I am being unreasonable as writing this I feel like I sound like a ungrateful brat BUT of my in-laws get sick and need to sell their houses, me and my family will be stuck and I just wish someone would have told me that was the position I was in!

Furthermore when MIL wants to come round I now feel like I don't have a choice. All the times she commented on the messy house she was obviously looking at her investment and I just feel like I can't even paint without their permission now!

I'd be so angry at him I'd have to leave the bloody house with my kids at least for a few days.

Tell him his parents are the biggest twats to walk the planet.

Sorry we are married I thought DP was husband and I'd answered that question!

Your DH isn't so angry because he knows more than he's letting on. He's complicit.

Getting legal advice is definitely an option and giving the really significant sums involved I would get some.

I would be very surprised if you don't have an equitable interest in the house.

Of course there are the family dynamics to think of. But fuck it - they've been total dicks and have basically stolen money from you in my view.

Your husband has treated you very poorly in this situation: he clearly knew, but he didn't care that you're not protected in the event your marriage breaks down or his parents die and leave him/the children the house. He has lied to you. He knew the house wasn't his or yours collectively.

You need to buy a property or ask the parents to transfer the house to you both. And all payments should be applied.

Good luck.

How have you been paying "rent"/loan repayment? Regular payments to their account by standing order will stand you in good stead I think?

It's surely in the parent's interests to give you the house as that will stop the value of their estate being eaten up with care home fees or inheritence tax?

Worth a call to a very good solicitor.

They give you the deposit money you've spent on doing up the house and adding value to it, or they agree to you living rent free for a while. Or even they gift you a large deposit to try to put you back in the position you would have been in.
If they don't agree to any of the above I'd be threatening them with talking to HMRC. They've also been breaking the law with regards to annual safety certificates etc.

I'd be furious if my partner wouldn't back me up in the above. How much does he value your relationship over upsetting his parents? If he doesn't, then I'm not sure I could come back from this in my relationship with him. I don't think I would ever forgive the pils for royally screwing me over though.

I would want some recompense from them in some shape or form for duping me.

Your DH isn't so angry because he knows more than he's letting on. He's complicit.

This x 100.

How is it 'his inheritance' if he's the one who has paid for it?

Are you married?

Can’t see where you’ve definitely said you are.

I don't feel entitled to the house for free but I do think it's mad we live in the smallest of 5 houses they own outright and they can't trust their only son to have it in his name, what are they getting by making him wait for inheritance? All I can think is that it is a form of financial control? If they can't trust that we would pay them back then get a financial agreement surely not just make us tenants and let us waste all our savings doing up their home! I paid the first I think 4 years to FIL and now DP pays him. I actually had a spreadsheet which I worked out when we would have paid off the house and be home owners, I feel so stupid looking back!

YANBU, that’s so shitty. I don’t really know what you can do now except save but I totally understand why you are so hurt and upset.

So stop feeling stupid and get mad! You're 'D'H is now the one doing you over.
What a limp dick he sounds to put his filthy rich parents over his wife and mother of his children.

He should be ripping them a new one and he should be the one taking the lead on solving this and securing your families future.

I’m surprised you are putting off seeing a solicitor. If they are behaving illegally (not doing landlordly duties, not paying tax on income) then surely that gives them an incentive to either repay you some money or sign over the house. I don’t think I could walk away from ten years of “rent” without an attempt to make money back.
If your dh was “in” on this scheme, are you happy to stay with him at all?

Sorry OP crosspost

You are married. Your husband 100% knew what was going on. No one is that stupid. You’ve been totally duped. Can’t see how you can tolerate your in laws or your husband after such spectacular betrayal.

Also, your husband seems to be buying his own (non-guaranteed) inheritance!

This is financial abuse OP.

The question is whether your husband was in on it.

I would see a solicitor to have them at least draft a letter stating the facts as you understood them, seeking evidence of how they have managed this as a tenancy, and seeking reparation.

Speak to a solicitor without your DH. You can then have an appointment with him

I would be fuming with him and his parents

YANBU!

What the hell is that all about??!!

You spend 10 years thinking you "own" your home albeit making re payments to PIL

Then it becomes clear that you are actually renting

I would be raging with my DH....and then getting on the phone to a good solicitor

And you need to see a solicitor now before you do anything else.

I would be incandescent, I really would. They have completely screwed you over, I am also fairly convinced your DH knew a lot more than he is letting on. Get your in laws over, sit round the table and talk this out, you need to let them know you are appalled and feel as if you have been defrauded. I would be asking them how they plan on putting this right, and that 'inheritance cuts no dice.

OP why won’t you acknowledge advice that your DH knows all about this. He cannot pretend he didn’t know. He told you he was getting a loan to buy and then took your money to furnish and improve his parents asset. That is fraud and deception

He is the one who conned you, along with them. You get nothing if you divorce not even the life insurance. This marriage offers you no security until his parents dies and he inherits. That could be 50 years from now. I can’t see this marriage lasting that long as he is a liar and conman.

I agree that this is financial abuse ... your inlaws are financially abusing both of you, and your husband is complicit in this and financially abusing you. He let you pay what you thought was a loan towards the mortgage thinking you were paying off your house when he knew this wasn't true... and didn't care because ultimately he is protected as they are his parents.

I would be furious and seeking legal advice. I'm not sure I could stay with someone who would treat me in that manner ... he is supposed to have your back! You are the mother of his children! YOu are his wife! This it shockingly poor treatment of you.

Schism is theft and deception. Get legal advice. Nasty money grabbing bastards. Protect yourself op.

I suspect it started out that it was DP's house in his name with the intention it was his mortgage hence nothing worrying being flagged up initially.After all at this point the op was happy for it to be in DP's name only. I think it all changed when they got married and pils (maybe also DH) realised that it would be a good idea to change the plan so that if they ever divorced the op wouldn't get her mitts on it. Sneaky

So the initial talks would have been about dp owning the house.

Go ballistic op and force your DP to change his parents mind. This is a battle worth fighting. What happens if you split up tomorrow?

This, not schism. Fat thumbs!