House Problems and In Laws

[Mumwhocantfindanunusedusername]

Sorry about any grammar issues I am not great at writing. I will also try not to drip feed and be really accurate...

Myself and partner saved for a mortgage about 10 years ago and planned to buy a small house, PIL had come into inheritance and sold a business so advised they would buy us a family house outright and we could pay them back, avoiding a mortgage and having to start small. We were so happy and had no reason to distrust them so we chose a house, moved in, spent the mortgage deposit on furniture and refurbs ect. And started monthly payments to PIL. (I was stupid to not be more involved, I felt awkward as was such a large amount to loan, I didn't talk to my partner about paperwork becuase once again I am a idiot, he went round his parents so many times to go through things and I stupidly assumed this was him sorting the house being ours and a formal payment plan).

Anyway 10 yearsish later we are at the pub discussing that we are getting a smart meter to save money and they said we can't as it might affect their next tenants or renting in future!

I was a bit bemused but carried on and when we got home discussed it and agreed partner would chat with his dad as we thought we were paying off the house to own, not renting.

In the conversation his dad said the house wasn't ours, that because partner will get everything in his inheritance it doesn't matter anyway and we should trust that they will give it us without paperwork, that we are renting and not paying off the house cost.

My partner loves his parents and doesn't seem to mind that we moved in under false pretences but I am so upset.

If anything happened to them health wise we don't own the house so it would need to be sold for their care and in all honesty people live til 90-100 now adays and I don't want to base my financial independence on dead in-laws. Finally if we are renting and they do live to 100 healthily we will pay off the house twice if not more!

Now we are saving for a mortgage on a small house as my partner agrees we can't wait for them to die to get on the housing ladder. Its hard to save with children and while paying rent and needing to downsize and Im just slightly begrudging that we would have half owned our original house by now if they hadn't put us in this position.

I honestly feel hurt by it all. I feel tricked into moving into a home and renting. I feel angry at my partner as I am cutting back so much so we can move out and get our own home as soon as possible and I'm upset at my in-laws as if they told us they were buying a house for us to rent I would have declined!

Let me know if I am being unreasonable as writing this I feel like I sound like a ungrateful brat BUT of my in-laws get sick and need to sell their houses, me and my family will be stuck and I just wish someone would have told me that was the position I was in!

Furthermore when MIL wants to come round I now feel like I don't have a choice. All the times she commented on the messy house she was obviously looking at her investment and I just feel like I can't even paint without their permission now!

Are you married OP? I'm sorry but this reads to me like you're being done over - you, not you and DP. Simply, his parents have no intention of creating a situation in which you acquire a half share in a house that you wouldn't be able to afford had you bought independently, as was your original intention.

If you're married, then you're in a slightly better place, but still, what they're doing is keeping the property in "the family" which means that should you and DP split up, you will get nothing. Sorry to say this, but from my own bitter experience, I would say that your DP is fully aware of the ins and outs of this situation.

You need to move as soon as possible and make sure that not only is your name on everything, but that you actually take the lead on all things financial so that your eyes are wide open about your position.

My auto correct is rubbish right now, ignore any references to poo! Not sure how that crept in.

Don't pay them another penny from now on. Keep the 'rent' you've been paying them and save it towards your own home. Seeing as they are probably not declaring that income they'll be the ones in trouble if they do kick up a fuss over it. It would do no harm to speak to a solicitor who can advise if you have any recourse whatsoever. Keep your distance from them now though as I'm sure you are fit to throttle them.

Your post has made me so angry.
See a solicitor
Don’t spend anymore money on the house

I would hazard a guess that your ILs have just been pocketing the money you have been paying to them and not declaring it as an income at all. The Tax Man would be interested in this. Either way you need to get this sorted ASAP. What a way to treat family! I'd be gutted in your situation too, but your DH must have known? What was he thinking?!

Tell them you're seeking legal advice. Do it in person so that you can see their faces too.

If they live to 100 there’s no point in getting an inheritance at 80. I hate parents who hold inheritance and financial security over their kids. As who needs the money then?

Your MIL screwed your keeping you on hand. Stop paying the rent and add it to the savings. If they say to pay, add up the relatives etc and if they come to 6 months rent then tell them that that is 6mknths rent you are with holding

If you're married, then you're in a slightly better place, but still, what they're doing is keeping the property in "the family" which means that should you and DP split up, you will get nothing. Sorry to say this, but from my own bitter experience, I would say that your DP is fully aware of the ins and outs of this situation.

This ^ totally.

OP I am absolutely flabbergasted as I imagine you to be too...this is an appalling situation you have found yourself in...I just do not know what to say to you to make you feel any better...the utter deceit and well words fail me...I am so so sorry for you ....its an outrage...I would be kicking up holy hell especially if my husband was complicit in this..

Your in-laws are liars, so why trust them a second time about the inheritance? Even if they did intend to leave your DP money, that is A) possibly many many years into the future and B) his money, not yours.

I would stop paying rent. Continue living in the house until you have recouped your losses, saving all the while for a new house.

If DP does not agree to this, then consult a solicitor.

You need to make sure that you, and not just DP, are financially secure.

I suspect that if DP did not know about renting, then maybe in-laws did intend to sign over the house at first, but changed their minds at some point.

I believe that his parents owe you money for the work you have done on the house! Painting, wall papering, tiling, maintenance. Give them the option of paying a lump sum which you can use as a deposit in your own home, or live rent free while saving all the money.

I would use strong words to tell them how let down you are and how you have been mistreated and deceived. Give them an opportunity to make things right by signing the property over to their son or tell them you will not be a part of your life in the future as this is unforgivable. This includes being a part of future gc lives. It is detrimental to the quality of future children’s lives

I said to my partner! If he dies they won't leave the house to me it will go to the kids! I'd end up renting forever! I worry about solicitors while we still live here, I think that is something I will do once we have our saving together and it's something my partner would need to agree to aswell. Also when we move 100 percent I am taking all my floors and all the integrated appliances! We never did a rental agreement or paid deposit and it's all mine (I have receipts, to be honest everything is in my name, if we split up I own all our furniture and appliances just no house!).

Because he's your partner and not married, there's no legal obligation. That's never a good thing.

Though, if your name was on the house and you wanted to get a new house, the stamp duty would be 3% ontop, so that might be a good thing for you.
They know he will be inheriting the house sos they're not fussed about what's going to happen, where were you when they were discussing all this.
Maybe you should get a lawyers advice to double check. They're getting income and still owning the house win win for them.

Just stop paying rent.
If they want to evict you, they'll have to prove that you are tenants. Which you aren't

You need to seek legal advice. What legal support did you have in place 10 years ago when you first moved in and when they purchased the property?

You need to ask for every penny back plus interest or you are seeking legal advice immediately. Put this in writing to them setting out the scam as you see it. You might be able to get the whole lot back with minimal effort this way.

And what was his response to...
i said to my partner! If he dies they won't leave the house to me it will go to the kids! I'd end up renting forever!

They've taken away 10 years you could've been paying off a mortgage? 10 years of preparing for a financially secure retirement?

Potentially added 10 years to your working life? And you don't know if you can be bothered to have it out with them?

I'd be so angry. They have dodged tax, allowed you to repair the home and they expect you to continue "renting" once the mortgage is paid off. Profiting from you.

Seek legal advice and then have it out with them. Ask for reimbursement for all works carried out. Every tin of paint etc. Point out that your insurance has been pointless all this time as you claimed wrongly to be a homeowner at their word. Ask for reimbursement for that. And don't pay any more rent

Well, you clearly CAN'T trust them!

I would also go and see a really good property solicitor to find out your rights. I would also want to know exactly what was discussed between your DH and his parents. What exactly do you have written down?

And finally, yes, I'd start treating the house like a rental. How do your payments to them compare to rentals vs. portages for similar properties? Are they fleecing you there too?

Shocked at some of these replies, stop paying rent, what because they are entitled to a free house? Eh no they aren't.

Whatever has occurred here, your father in law said this as a matter of course, so he clearly assumed you knew.

The question is why didn't your husband tell you? I strongly suspect he is the real problem here.

My sympathies are with you. I was in the exact same position about 15 years ago which only came to light once my FIL died. I had given up my 3-bed house that I owned independently and put the profit into the new house, also leaving all the 'paperwork' to be sorted out by my DP and FIL.
When he died he left percentage shares in our house to my DP, his exW, DP's SM and DP's 3 children. I wasn't featured and I had ploughed over £40k into it for renovations! My DP had no clue at all, he trusted his DF.
We had to pay everyone off - to the tune of £16k each - and we nearly split up over it.

Anyway, I think you need a face-to-face family chat and if they won't agree to drawing up paperwork that it is legally yours then you need to move out, start afresh and kick them to the kerb. If my FIL had still been alive when I had found out, I would never have spoken to him again.

I agree with pp. stop paying rent. You need to save as much and as fast as possible.

I would be absolutely incensed about this, and no way should you let this go. This deserves a huge family discussion not just brushing under the carpet!!!

Are you married or not? It makes a difference. You keep calling him your partner but in one if your posts you say if you knew a particular circumstance you would not have married him. Which is it?

He said that his life insurance would buy a house twice as big for me if he died which I don't think is the point (also I have seen that paperwork, so at least I'm not completely idiotic )He just doesn't seem to be as angry as me! I also said imagine if the roles were reversed, but obviously he pretended he would forgive my parents straight away. Writing it out he does seem a lot worse than in my OP. I know I should do more, i have no energy from working full time and my kids and I just want to buckle down to saving as much as I can and getting out as soon as I can rather than focusing on all the deceit. I would have so much anger toward my parents if they did this so don't really get my partner's attitude! Also thank you for everyone's comments, I honestly felt like 50/50 whether it was a nice thing they did by buying a house even if it was to rent so I'm glad I'm not overreacting by saving and leaving and being angry.