AIBU to tell her he's cheated?

[NotReadyForThisX2]

Me and Dp have a couple friend who are due to get married. Dp wasn't on the stag do but heard from others that the groom to be cheated on his fiancé. He's spoke to him and he admitted he had.

Dp has told me in confidence and thinks we should stay out of it, that his friend is really sorry and not usually that type of man, blah blah blah....
But I'm friends with the fiancé and if it was me I'd definitely want to know before I married him.

Dp thinks what we tell each other should stay between us and that I'd be unreasonable to say something and get his friend in trouble and in the process damage their friendship.
I think if he didn't want me to say anything he shouldn't have told me at all. Where as Dp said he'd see that as keeping secrets from me and wouldn't want to have to do that.

We ended up having a argument about it and he basically said it wasn't anything to do with me and he'd be really angry if I say something to her.

If mine did it I’d want to know (not rft) but I would never leave him, just make him pay for a serious while. Not all relationships are worth destroying over a drunken fuck up.

Glad he told her himself coz that's a shit show you didn't want a part in.

I've no idea what I would have done in that situation but you said earlier in the thread that if he told her and she came to you, you wouldn't tell her you knew, how is that any better than not telling her in the first place?

I think being mad at your DP about him telling you has set you up for some future secrets now that he's had an ultimatum thrown at him for something he didn't even do. And you were going to make things very awkward for him with his friend, as much as you think this won't affect your DPs decisions to confide in you in future I think you might be wrong. I'd be fuming if DP put me in the position you put your DP in and I'd think twice before sharing private info in future.

Nobody wants to be in the position you were put in but I don't think your reaction and trying to force the outcome has helped anyone either.

But worse case scenario he has caught something serious and passes it to her when she's pregnant.
Best case scenario is that he has little integrity.
I wouldn't want to be the bearer of bad news but I think she should at least have the information and decide herself what to do with it.

In my experience, nobody appreciates this news. Unless you're her best friend, do it anonymously.

Sounds like the details of exactly what happened are sketchy at best. I’d stay well out if I were you. As another poster so eloquently and accurately said ‘not my circus, not my monkeys’

Tell her.

It’s not a secret if a lot of people found out. That’s not exactly a discrete mistake..

It would be betrayal for her to have her marriage reputation as the talk of the town while she is the last to know about it.

Tell her..

If it was a secret thing that only one person knew about them I would say stay out.

Well done OP. I think you and your DP have handled it really well - it can't have been easy.

Ignore the eejits on here who always know best.

Life isn’t this hard !
What exactly are you looking at achieving from telling her ?? And what if you do & she just brushes it aside ? What if even after you’ve told her , they then go on to live a loving & happy life for another 5 decades regardless of your divulged secrets ?

Just leave it please !

I can’t bring to print other stuff I’m tempted to say but hey! 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

LEAVE HER BE!

Stay well out of it. None of your business.

Stay well out of it. None of your business.

Please. Someone. Make. It. Stop.

You will be the messenger and she'll hate you not him. She will still go into the marriage but unhappily. You'll probably be dumped as friends. It could create a permanent rift between you and your DP.

Agree.

I don't think you're complicit by not telling her. He was, presumably, totally hammered and is now completely ashamed of himself. You had nothing to do with it.

You all might want to read the whole thread and the updates.

Yep!

On a thread this long, things do tend to move on from the opening post...

If he has told her at least they can sort it out if they want.

Bet you're relieved you didn't! How stressful having that info. 🤐

It’s one of them situations which has a lot of factors involved. Who, why, when, if your good enough friends with her. It’s one of them situations I really wouldn’t like to be in ☹️ Damned if you do and damned if you don’t. I wouldn’t like to be in your shoes.

You all might want to read the whole thread and the updates

@Windowsareforcheaters I’ll be less polite, and shout READ THE FULL THREAD people. It’s not hard . It lazy actually.

As an aside I’m quite surprised at the people who are like meh, who cares about a drunken snog.

I do! I care about a drunken snog! I’m not ok with that!

Apologies for my uncoolness but I refuse to believe I am alone in this.

I have been in this situation several times in the past and have found that the best thing to do is to keep quiet. Interference can make things so much worse for everyone. They can still have a brilliant future together and you could ruin that for them.

Ok, well you've managed to fuck up a relationship. Hope you're happy.

she didnt even say anything apoiads grow up

Dont say anything. If youu do its giving the nod to yourpartner to keep secrets from you as he has proof not to trust you with certain things. You dont personally know what exactly happened. One stag may feel he cheated because of a snog.