Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do you think family should help younger generation to get on housing ladder?

226 replies

grimeandlime · 09/04/2019 22:29

A neighbour of mine has a daughter who is 26 and a lawyer in London. She is a lovely girl and hugely hard working, but her mum was telling me that she cannot even dream of affording a flat due to the huge deposit needed.

Her grandparents live in a 6 bedroom detached house worth about £1mil I reckon. According to neighbour they have investments worth at least £500k due to selling off family business and inheritances.

I know it's got nothing at all to do with me, but surely they could chuck each grandchild £100k as a deposit for a flat, and downsize to a bungalow/ retirement village/ nice flat.

Do you think families should try and help the younger generations to get on the housing ladder?

OP posts:
SneakyGremlins · 09/04/2019 22:30

But that's their money to do as they wish with Confused "Just" £100,000???? Shock

Lllot5 · 09/04/2019 22:30

Well don’t know about should but if I had money I would help mine.

Sculpin · 09/04/2019 22:33

I think YANBU. Of course it’s their money and their choice, but why wouldn’t you use it to help out your family if you could? I would in that situation.

Notcontent · 09/04/2019 22:34

I don’t think it’s a case of “should”. People have very different attitudes to money and different relationships. However, I received help from my parents and intend to help my dd.

mamalovebird · 09/04/2019 22:35

I don't know about should but I imagine most people that can, would. I certainly intend to. DH & I started from scratch and got no help and it was an epic slog to raise the deposit we needed. If I can make it easier for my kids, I am happy to do so.

LuckyAmy1986 · 09/04/2019 22:36

I will definitely be helping mine, presuming I’ll be able to

iklboo · 09/04/2019 22:37

According to neighbour they have investments worth at least £500k due to selling off family business and inheritances.

I'd probably take that with a pinch of salt unless neighbours is their accountant and breaching confidentiality.

MenuPlant · 09/04/2019 22:37

If you can and want to of course you should!

I would and hope to be able to.

My parents helped me and its made a huge difference, their parents helped them. I see this as normal really. DH family, same approach.

RhinestoneCowgirl · 09/04/2019 22:38

We've paid off our mortgage and are in our early 40s. One of the reasons we're sticking with our bog standard 70s terrace rather than upgrading to a bigger house is so we can help the DC with housing costs when they're older. We live in an expensive city.

Iltavilli · 09/04/2019 22:38

Firstly, at 26 living in London I’d hope the granddaughter had more pressing issues (fun, career-building, life) than a mortgage.

That said, if family want to help and are able to, then great. The one downside to this is that it hugely exacerbates social inequality, where those through luck or circumstance are able to afford things their equally hardworking peers cannot. That’s something which makes me hugely uncomfortable.

clairemcnam · 09/04/2019 22:38

Moving for many elderly people is a very difficult emotional issue. My mum wants to move to a one bedroom ground floor flat. My dad gets very panicky if she even suggests moving.
I only mention this to say that changing things are not always as easy as you might assume. Saying that if my parents had money, they would help out. But the GCs are better off than them and one in particular is doing extremely well.
Not relevant to the case you mention, but it is also sensible for elderly people to keep money to fund their care. And that can be very expensive.

MenuPlant · 09/04/2019 22:39

I mean my grandparents helped my parents when they were young.

Different families do have quite different views on this it's all quite personal and down to upbringing.

WeepingWillowWeepingWino · 09/04/2019 22:39

My family helped me and I would like to do the same for DD, though it’s unlikely we can afford to, though my mum has put some money aside for this very purpose for her GC.

But I wouldn’t comment on this situation as that’s not enough info to be going on.

Happyspud · 09/04/2019 22:40

Honestly? I’m just glad that I had the luck of being born into a family that looks after each other. My parents have helped us a few times. Especially if housing etc is as tough or worse when my kids are young adults, we’ll be helping them where we can too.

So people can say that nobody is under obligation etc but they are under an obligation to house, clothe, feed and provide all financing to their children when young, why do we stop supporting them in ways then genuinely need just because they are 18.

Life isn’t a fair playing field from generation to generation.

7salmonswimming · 09/04/2019 22:41

Yes. You can't take it to the grave with you. And it takes a special kid of selfishness to spend on unnecessary things when your family is struggling with basics. To me, basics = housing, healthcare, food, education.

Doesn't mean they need to create a life of luxury for her. A step onto the ladder and leave the rest to her.

Seniorschoolmum · 09/04/2019 22:42

No, the money is theirs to spend as they wish.

There are plenty of people who really need support but a qualified solicitor is not one of them.

Witchend · 09/04/2019 22:43

If they want to that's nice. If they don't, their choice and that's fine too.

7salmonswimming · 09/04/2019 22:44

To add: this actually goes to something really profound, which many people don't examine in themselves when they have children (I certainly didn't, and I'm an older mum).

It's WHY people have children, from a philosophical perspective. What's the point of them?

Longdistance · 09/04/2019 22:45

Well the grandparents can’t take it with them.
Maybe they already have it in trust. I’d hate to see the IHT on that if it isn’t protected.

Thehop · 09/04/2019 22:46

I would if I could

OhTheRoses · 09/04/2019 22:46

I had help in the early 80's to buy in London. Yes I do think younger people should be helped but possibly not at this point in time when property is likely to flat line for a few years.

What other people chose to do however is absolutely none of your business and YABU.

I am hoping to give my dc all my money except what I need for a little bungalow at least 7 years before I die.

Theladylady · 09/04/2019 22:46

Yes but helping them show some fiscal discipline

My son saves £400 per month he’s is 19 he’s saved 7k already and by the time finished his traineeship he will have enough to buy a house

Mean while many of his friends have brought cars pay the equivalent in tax car payments and insurance 😕go on lots of holidays

And then I suspect the same parents would be on here complaining their children can’t get on the housing ladder with out support

When they are are home but working they should be saving at least a 3rd of their wage

my neighbours son doing a plumbing traineeship had a van but still brought a brand new auldi that he could only drive at weekends because he had a bloody van 😕they moved out 4 weeks ago to a rented house if he had saved the money from the Audi over the 4 year traineeship he would of been able to buy a home

Tinkety · 09/04/2019 22:47

they have investments worth at least £500k due to selling off family business and inheritances

Which is probably giving them an income to live off in their retirement.

Her grandparents live in a 6 bedroom detached house worth about £1mil I reckon

but surely they could chuck each grandchild £100k as a deposit for a flat, and downsize to a bungalow/ retirement village/ nice flat

How many grandchildren do they have though? It’s not fair to do for one, what they can’t do for all. 5 grandchildren & that’s 500k gone plus they’ll still need to house themselves & have a nest egg for home repairs, future care costs etc.

SosigDog · 09/04/2019 22:47

Different attitudes in different families. I wouldn’t have a house if my parents hadn’t helped. DH’s parents, on the other hand, didn’t help at all. They bought themselves a £35k sports car each and renovated their house and didn’t think twice about helping their DC instead. Of course it’s their money - but their attitude is very different to my parents. I’m already saving to help my DC in the future but DH is often very greedy because his parents were greedy with him.

usernamerisnotavailable · 09/04/2019 22:47

My family are wealthy and we were afforded lots of opportunities and a great start in life. For which I am very grateful. But not a penny was given (or expected from us) once we left school or uni. We are to make our own way in the world and overcoming challenges and hardships is part of life's lessons. Being handed house deposits on a plate does no one any good.