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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Do you think family should help younger generation to get on housing ladder?

226 replies

grimeandlime · 09/04/2019 22:29

A neighbour of mine has a daughter who is 26 and a lawyer in London. She is a lovely girl and hugely hard working, but her mum was telling me that she cannot even dream of affording a flat due to the huge deposit needed.

Her grandparents live in a 6 bedroom detached house worth about £1mil I reckon. According to neighbour they have investments worth at least £500k due to selling off family business and inheritances.

I know it's got nothing at all to do with me, but surely they could chuck each grandchild £100k as a deposit for a flat, and downsize to a bungalow/ retirement village/ nice flat.

Do you think families should try and help the younger generations to get on the housing ladder?

OP posts:

Ihatehashtags · 10/04/2019 05:11

If I would, I could. I do not understand parents or grandparents that could help, but don’t. Anyone else a tightarae on here and can tell me why they wouldn’t help children and grandkids? Because I really don’t get it.

Lifeover · 10/04/2019 05:52

Are you the grandchild op? You sound quite heavily invested in the neighbours daughter!

Rezie · 10/04/2019 05:55

I'm all for family helping each other but giving £100k is more than just helping. If you can afford it, sure. But downsizing so you can buy a house for all the grand kids is quite a lot to ask. My parents are willing to act as guarantors when any of us kids wanted to buy a flat. Which is really generous. None of us would have afforded otherwise. This is naturally risky for them (but they know us and that we all will pay mortage) but in this way they are not giving us money but helping us to buy somewhere to live.

polarpig · 10/04/2019 06:00

, I also know of a friend's parents who paid for their flat, now friend is going through a bitter divorce and a large amount of the money from the property will go to the ex.

That's unfortunate when there are ways round it, I'll help my dcs to buy a shared house if I can but it'll be protected to prevent that.

Monty27 · 10/04/2019 06:04

You need to forget other ppls wealth and ask yourself the question.
I'm hoping to do it for DD and DS. Everything I've held on to has been for them so why not when they're ready?
Put your own money where your mouth is OP. Not gp's money, your money.

Shutuptodd · 10/04/2019 06:07

I think it very much depends on the family. My family are very much of the view you should make it on your own so we have never had any help.

If I could I would help my children though but seeing as I am living in a council house it is unlikely to be the case.

Putthatlampshadeonyourhead · 10/04/2019 06:11

where on earth do you live that you can buy a house for the same price as an Audi? Average house prices near me are over £225k easily and I'm nowhere near the SE of England (other end actually!) An Audi wouldn't even get you an accepted deposit. Nor would a daily Starbucks or avocado toast, just saying.

I bought my 3 bed terrace in Yorkshire for 85k last year.

Back to the OP. I think the word should isnt the right one. If someone chooses to great.

I have my own cheap home, if I receive inheritance from my parents, I would ensure I managed to give the kids some to help. But I think once we start saying saying I should give them some then that's not ok.

The truth is, you know nothing of this situation. I think it's very telling that your neighbour feels her parents should be helping her daughter. But not her, herself, helping her own daughter.

There could be tons of reasons they arent helping out. Including the fact that they want to leave a really good amount for their daughter, your neighbour. They might feel more responsibility to provide for her one day and let her sort her own child out.

harrietpn · 10/04/2019 06:44

I think there are two ways you could help:

Help for a deposit
Sit down and talk about finances and get together a strategy for how to actually save for a deposit.

The attitude of 'figure out how to be independent' isn't really fair.

I'm not sure how realistic option 2 is though in an expensive city. Friends spend much more on rent than our mortgage and the average first time buyers deposit is £92k - I don't know how on earth you could save that....

I think it also depends on the family. DHs father had lots of help (had their mortgage paid off for them when DH was 8 and has had more help in the past 4 years) but wouldn't help us despite owning several properties.

SimonJT · 10/04/2019 06:48

We were fairly poor growing up, from the age of 17 anything I have done, bought etc has been bought by me. I’m not sure I would be comfortable taking money from someone else.

WineGummyBear · 10/04/2019 06:50

There's a big intergenerational wealth gap. Even with good discipline saving a deposit while paying rent is nigh impossible for many.

Oliversmumsarmy · 10/04/2019 06:53

I do think having read a few of these threads that sometimes the problem lies with going to University.

Whilst uni might be great if you are planning a career that will bring in a huge return at some point in your life you do have to balance it out with if you went down a different route could you do the same job whilst earning and working your way up the ladder without a degree.

Dd works in a particular field on an ad hoc basis. She is regularly offered jobs on £40k per year to go full time because she has a knack for this type of work. ATM she earns between £10-20 per hour depending on the venue. She actually is in charge of staff who have gone to uni to get a degree so they can do the job Dd does.

In theory by the time Dd is 21 and would have been leaving uni not only will she not have £30,000+ of debt if she took the ft job she would be £120,000 better off

missbattenburg · 10/04/2019 06:55

I don't know about that. I seem to see a lot of threads on here about parents helping children with child care and money. I also see loads where people are asserting it unfair for parents to live with them, take up too much time etc. Obviously everyone has their own unique set of circumstances and my musings are nothing more than that. Just an observation that it seems a little one way.

iklboo · 10/04/2019 07:57

If we were in a position to help DS we would. But the OP is talking about giving a large very sum money to grandchildren. Why can't her own parents help her out?

Why is £100k needed? I know property is expensive in London but surely a flat doesn't cost £1 million? If a flat is good enough for granny & grandad to downsize too then it's good enough for granddaughter.

Stompythedinosaur · 10/04/2019 08:00

I don't think it is an obligation, but my dm helped us and I have hopes of helping our dc in this way.

SimonJT · 10/04/2019 08:09

Iklboo it depends where in London you are, where I live flats start at around £450k.

Yogagirl123 · 10/04/2019 08:19

I’m of the opinion that parents should help their children, but only if they are in a financial position to do. I certainly don’t think it should be expected of grandparents.

WonderTweek · 10/04/2019 08:21

I think if parents can help it would be great if they could. Obviously it depends on their wealth and relationships with their kids. My parents often gave me money when I moved to the UK for uni, and it really helped. They weren't in the position to help with our flat but my parents in law lent us a few grand so we could afford the deposit.

I'd love to help my son get on the ladder when he's older, and when he was born I set up an account for him and put money into it each month. Maybe when he's older he could use some of that money towards a deposit.

Slicedpineapple · 10/04/2019 08:24

I'd like to be able to help my children as my parents have helped me.

But I also understand why some people want to go nuts and spend all of their money on lavish holidays etc.

SherlockSays · 10/04/2019 08:30

We wouldn't have got on the property market without help from grandparents BUT we only borrowed £14k which was w 20% deposit and was a loan.

100k per grandchild is pretty extreme.

Teateaandmoretea · 10/04/2019 08:32

I think one issue is inheritance tax, it could prove really problemmatic in relation to the estate.

YABU, the woman is a lawyer, I'm sure she'll find a way of getting onto the property ladder, maybe she should look at Croydon.....

ThreeAnkleBiters · 10/04/2019 08:33

I couldn't sit around as a couple in a £1 million pound house while younger members of my family struggled to even afford their own flat (something which I would have done easily). I would definitely chick them all £100k to see them on the property ladder.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 10/04/2019 08:45

I wonder if OP's friend has made it clear she's willing to provide any care the GPs will need after they've sold their big house to give the cash to their grandchildren??

In terms of the question though, I think people should 'help' but that help can take many forms. We gave my DSD 25% of the money she needed for a deposit, but only after she and her partner had saved the first 75%. They worked really hard to save it and we were happy to get them over the line, so to speak, but we felt it was important they did most of it themselves. (We're not loaded, it was a lot of money for us).

Halloumimuffin · 10/04/2019 08:46

London is such a different beast to everywhere else. It's simple saying move, less easy to do so. It says a lot that I know one person who has managed to buy a flat without help - both her and her husband make over 80k and she regularly works until the early hours of the morning. They have a small 2 bedroom flat in zone 3, 25 mins from the tube. Another friend was looking at London 'affordable housing' developments - one of them started at 650k. It's so broken. My one bedroom flat in a very dodgy area of zone 5 is worth more than my parents 5 bedroom countryside home.

Putthatlampshadeonyourhead · 10/04/2019 08:51

I would definitely chick them all £100k to see them on the property ladder.

And where are you going to live? In this situation?

Also what if, say 2 years, later you and/or your partner needs care or pass away and accused of purposely depriving yourself of assets to avoid care fees/inheritance tax?

Theladylady · 10/04/2019 08:59

Putthatlampshadeonyourhead

clearly misrepresenting what I am saying if a 18 year old buys a car with car payments including insurance at that age totalling let’s say £500 per month the. Clearly they could easily afford to save for a house but they have made a choice to be flashy because when I was coming up no one I new had a new or nearly new car in fact I am in my late 30s and it’s the first time I had one we’re we live houses are 270k but a young person living at home earning 12k can put &£500 a month away because my son dose it but he makes scafrices that along of young people will not make he realises at this stage he cannot realistically have a car and save for a house so he gets the bus his friends pretty much all have cars but in 3 years they still will be living at home my son will have a deposit for a small flat or house

Also a lot of young people think they should afford a home 2&3 bed on their own this is a very new development years ago no one thought they would be able to buy a home on a single wage especially people who are not willing to be fiscally disciplined

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