Do you think family should help younger generation to get on housing ladder?

[grimeandlime]

A neighbour of mine has a daughter who is 26 and a lawyer in London. She is a lovely girl and hugely hard working, but her mum was telling me that she cannot even dream of affording a flat due to the huge deposit needed.

Her grandparents live in a 6 bedroom detached house worth about £1mil I reckon. According to neighbour they have investments worth at least £500k due to selling off family business and inheritances.

I know it's got nothing at all to do with me, but surely they could chuck each grandchild £100k as a deposit for a flat, and downsize to a bungalow/ retirement village/ nice flat.

Do you think families should try and help the younger generations to get on the housing ladder?

[woollyheart]

While it is nice to help family if you can it is not obligatory.

That money may be their only pension pot. It isn't a huge amount for two people if you don't have another pension.

They may have offered but she is not happy with the terms offered. I have relatives who always moan that nobody helps them with a deposit. Not true! I offered to give them half their deposit as long as they saved the other half themselves. They said no, because they wanted to enjoy themselves while they were young. Fair enough - but unreasonable to moan afterwards.

I also know people who have been helped with properties in London, where the property is shared between them and their parents. Nice and cosy at the time it was set up. But it seems to be difficult for them to find partners because everyone is paranoid that future partners are after the property.

[Happyspud]

For sure they need to show me independence and drive before I’d be comfortable sharing financial support to them in adulthood. My parents sometimes help us out a little and both DH and I singlehandedly warm more than dad ever did. But they now have cash flow where we are knee deep in childcare costs and mortgage etc. They know we work our asses off daily and that I’ve never asked or expected a thing. But their help at key points has meant the world to us. I love feeling like my parents still have my back but it’s more the emotional support and their awareness of our families needs that I appreciate more than anything.

When I plan our financial future I do consider the support I wish to give my 4 children in their adulthood as part of the package we’re trying to put in place for the future. They won’t be dependent on us (unless tragedy/illness/disaster requires it for a time) but I want to be ready to take the edge off some of their difficult financial points in life.

[MereDintofPandiculation]

I'd want the dc to show some financial responsibility first though I.e. Also saving a contribution rather than pissing all their earnings away on holidays and cars. Yes. If they're spending on holidays and entertainment matches what you could afford to give them, then you're not funding their deposit, you are effectively funding their travel and entertainment. If you had a frugal early adulthood, and now at last have a chance to do the travel that you didn't do earlier, it's understandable not to want to fund your DC's travel and give up your own plans.

[Putthatlampshadeonyourhead]

However, I am more pleased for our DC as I feel they will have funds left for them to help them on their way. So yes, parents should want to help their own offspring where possible imo.

So your helping them will be leaving then the house?

Non of can assume we will leave anything due to care fees. However, the grandparents here, will likely leave something. So the mother of the granddaughter here can choose to give her daughter any inheritance she receives or leave her daughter something when she dies.

I dont see how the grandparents in this situation are doing anything different to you.

This is what I have done. I have life insurance, a great death in service policy and the house. My kids will, hopefully, get money when I die. But I cant afford to just sell my house and live. That's what the OP is asking.

As I said, the OP has only come back to challenge certain points so either she is the women that thinks her (I am guessing) in laws should help her daughter out, is the daughter or this is made up situation.

[Seahorseshoe]

I don't know. Quite a few rich and famous people say they won't leave their kids money when they die. There's something to be said about making your own way in life.

I don't think these people will have a spare £100,000 hanging about.

We're saving our son's housekeeping to give back to him when he leaves home, but that's as far as I'd go, I think, unless I had a huge windfall.

[StillMe1]

There should never be an expectation or demand that parents or any other relatives should help the younger generation.
Watched some younger generation refuse the help offered because they wanted more or different.
The people who amass enough money to help with other people's aspiration to home ownership are not fools and are not easily taken in by the demands of younger people.
No gratitude just further demand - Why would anyone help people who acted badly?

[choli]

So yes, parents should want to help their own offspring where possible imo.
Parents yes. Grandparents no.

[SayItLoud1]

We had no help from either side and have finally managed to get onto the housing ladder after years and years of saving, we will be paying off the mortgage right up until retirement age. However, I am more pleased for our DC as I feel they will have funds left for them to help them on their way. So yes, parents should want to help their own offspring where possible imo.

[choli]

Did the neighbor reveal whether she had received parental assistance with buying her first house?
If she did then it's her turn to help out her own daughter. She got her handout.

[tomhazard]

I haven't had any help from my parents as they don't have much money, but it is 100% something I hope to be able to do for my own children when they are older.
I have many friends whose parents did help them which has really helped get them going.

[choli]

I bet the grandparents your neighbor refers to are her in laws and I bet they know they'll need to finance their own retirement and care.

[Putthatlampshadeonyourhead]

extrastrongnosugar I find but incredibly sad that the grandchildren bond is about how much financial help they had.

If feels like you are saying only family where to oldest fund the youngest can be close? It's very sad and very untrue.

Your mums expectation that you wouldn't care for her if she didnt pay for uni, says alot about the bond you already had. Ie, a bit shit if she knew that unless she funded your choice of higher education you would care for her.

Either visit family and care for them because you can/want to. Dont do it cause they gave you more money.

Thata not close family bonds

[LakieLady]

A friend of mine is a lawyer for a West End firm. She commutes from Sussex (Lewes) and managed to buy a place when she was 32.

[HolyForkingShirt]

Or even "the slums" aka Stevenage

[HolyForkingShirt]

I really can't shed any tears over a lawyer not being able to save money! I started on a 26k grad salary (much lower than law I'm sure), decided to live in London and reverse commute (WHY) and earning £1700 and spending £1000 on rent/commute still saved £300 a month. Since then I've moved out of London into a Home County, over the past 3.5 years my salary's averaged at 32k yet I've managed to save 25k.

I have friends who earn the same/much more as me and have saved fuck all. £0. But then they go for brunch every weekend, drinks after work (£400 worth of cocktails a month), etc.

Even if this lawyer's job doesn't exist outside London, she doesn't have to live in London. She could live in Reading, Slough, Hertford, Guildford, a shit-ton of other towns in the Home Counties that are twice as cheap as London.

She's probably not saving enough due to enjoying her lifestyle, not living on the breadline...

[BuggyWanker]

Although they don't have to it would be nice if they did. It's what I hope to do with my dc and I'm sure we wouldn't be in the position we are without MIL passing on part of her inheritance for the deposit for our first house.

I'd want the dc to show some financial responsibility first though I.e. Also saving a contribution rather than pissing all their earnings away on holidays and cars.

[Londonmummy66]

I used to advise people on the sale of their businesses. Many people of their generation who set up a business will have scrimped and saved and reinvested all their funds in the business. This means that they didn't build up a pension pot over the years as an employee might have done. Therefore they may well need that £500k in cash to generate an income for them in retirement. They may well have funded the business via mortgages on the main house and whilst the proceeds of the company sale probably repaid those, they are likely still to see the house as an asset that could be cashed in to meet their needs at a later date - eg if they need to pay for care etc.

There is an argument that as the older generation have benefited from very significant rises in house prices due to the change in borrowing ratios (ie several times joint salary rather than 3x 1 plus 1x the second) they should be prepared to "pay back" to society by helping the younger generation with eg help with childcare - in kind or in cash as both parents probably now need to work to fund the mortgage necessitated by the increase in house prices they have benefited from/and or helping get a foot on the property ladder. But that doesn't address the fundamental problem that in a sensible economy average house prices should have a sensible correlation to average earnings. However, there is a difference between older adults wanting to hang on to assets that might feasibly be needed in older age as this GPs seem to be doing, and the case on a recent thread of GPs not willing to help a struggling younger generation (even with occasional childcare) and waltzing off on cruises etc on a retirement income of £80K - because they "deserved" it - and then expecting the younger generation to rally round when they needed lifts to hospital appointments etc.

[ooooohbetty]

@clairemcnam I agree but it seems to be the way a lot on people on MN think. Also, you don't need to help parents when they are old unless they have provided free childcare. It makes me very sad to think that people think that way, and slightly fearful for the future.

[Oliversmumsarmy]

extrastrongnosugar Maybe your dm didn’t believe in going to university.

I pay for courses for dc to take so that they can turn their hand to different things if work dries up in one area they can do another.

Dd is a qualified teacher in 2 activities, works numerous different jobs (charges between £15-£80 per hour depending on the job). Ds is qualifying in a trade and by this time next month both of them will be qualified in another trade.

I think it is all very well qualifying as a city lawyer but the temptation is to spend and not save. I think going out and treating yourself when you have just done a days work can become a habit and very soon you are spending stupid money each month with nothing to show for it.

I know a lot of city lawyers and accountants and the ones that are now living in the big house with the posh postcode started off pulling pints at night to afford a deposit for a 2 bed place in a not so nice area. 2 bedrooms because they let out the other room to help pay the mortgage and still continued pulling pints or waiting staff till they were well up the career ladder.

[Langrish]

exttastrongnosugar

“Only if they value close family bonds”

We are incredibly close to each of our adult and nearly adult children. We just don’t expect to support each other financially in adult life. They are all strong, independent people who take great personal pride in making their own way.
Love shouldn’t be dependent on whether you give money.
(I would turn down care from them if old age forces me into needing some, even if they offered. You don’t have kids so they can look after you).

[Usuallyinthemiddle]

I think if you choose to live and work in London, you need to accept that it's out of reach for a while. It's part if the reality of it whether it's your dream career or not.

I certainly it would never expect to be helped but I would hope to be able to offer help to my children.

[clairemcnam]

The idea that kids will only care for elderly parents if the parents give them lots of money, is a horrible one. It is also not true.

[maddiemookins16mum]

I work with quite a few ‘young uns’, some are saving like mad to get a deposit (and doing very well), others are moaning that they’ll never get on the ladder. The first ones drive an 04 Fiesta and ride a bike to work, are not going on holiday and vape. The second ones each have 16 reg cars and have expensive car finance and smoke/are off to Ibiza for two weeks in July.
Guess who’ll still be moaning in 5 years.
The first ones also do a huge amount of overtime, the 2nd lot cannae be arsed.

[extrastrongnosugar]

Only if they value close family bonds.
I am german and married into middle eastern family.

When i was 20 my mum told me she won't help me with uni and therefore wouldn't expect me to care for her when she is old. (What a thing to say i know).

The other family, while difficult in its own way, makes sure all children are taken care of and supported and invest in the grandchildren as well.

Guess whose children now come and make the effort to see their parents, 15 years later?

[Oliversmumsarmy]

cheapest 1 bed that isn’t an auction property/cash buyer/retirement or part ownership in Croydon is £179,999

FWIW I am probably 10 years younger than the gps and the bit in the op

they could chuck each grandchild £100k as a deposit for a flat, and downsize to a bungalow/ retirement village/ nice flat

Misses the point that the gps might not want to move into a retirement village /nice flat. I certainly wouldn’t and anyone saying that was a good idea would get short shrift from me.

My question is if being a City Lawyer is so badly paid that she can’t afford her own place at 26 then why did she do all that studying, running up all those debts going to university.

Wouldn’t she be better chucking it all in and getting a job that actually pays enough to save for a property or is she spending huge amounts on renting her own place in an expensive area and going out.

Dd is 19 and already has enough to buy a place out of London. She does a variety of jobs and left school with just a handful of GCSEs that she scraped through.

Her friend who doesn’t come from London is earning enough to pay her £600 per month rent in a shared house and is working day and night whilst putting a lot of what she earns away so eventually she can buy a place of her own.

It is possible to buy. Others do it so I don’t see how this woman can’t.