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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do you think family should help younger generation to get on housing ladder?

226 replies

grimeandlime · 09/04/2019 22:29

A neighbour of mine has a daughter who is 26 and a lawyer in London. She is a lovely girl and hugely hard working, but her mum was telling me that she cannot even dream of affording a flat due to the huge deposit needed.

Her grandparents live in a 6 bedroom detached house worth about £1mil I reckon. According to neighbour they have investments worth at least £500k due to selling off family business and inheritances.

I know it's got nothing at all to do with me, but surely they could chuck each grandchild £100k as a deposit for a flat, and downsize to a bungalow/ retirement village/ nice flat.

Do you think families should try and help the younger generations to get on the housing ladder?

OP posts:
Youseethethingis · 09/04/2019 22:49

My Mum has always said you can’t ever really pay back your parents (not just in terms of money invested raising you, but in time/effort/love etc) as that’s not how it works, but you can pay forward to your own children. Fair enough. My family has helped me and in the future I will help the younger generations of my family any way I can. The money is not mine to hoard until the grave, the way I see it.
Other people have different experiences of family relationships though, so I’m not sure the word “should” should be applied here.

bungaloid · 09/04/2019 22:50

I'd rather consider myself a safety net than a cash cow. It's not great for society and my kids have had the best start in life they could reasonably hope for. I'm not sure chucking them mega bucks is needed. I haven't crossed that particular bridge yet though.

MidniteScribbler · 09/04/2019 22:55

It's not really as simple as selling up and giving all your money to grandchildren (who may or may not be responsible with it). In some areas, replacement costs of properties may outweigh what you would gain on selling your home, so they would usually be looking at having to move out of their area and away from their support networks. They will also need to consider the costs of care should they need it.

There's also a big difference between helping out a child or grandchild that is at risk of homelessness, and a 26 year old single professional who probably has no problem paying rent on her house share. Home ownership is lovely, but hardly an absolute necessity. She'll get her share in turn, without turfing an elderly couple out of their home. She could look at her own choices, and move further out, find a job in a different area, go in with friends, etc.

TheInvestigator · 09/04/2019 22:57

I'm currently sitting on the house my parents bought for me. And this had allowed me to put £500 a month into each of my kids bank accounts since they were born. If I give it to them at 18, they'll have 100k each. Hopefully more if I can increase what I put aside each month.

LuxLucetInTenebris · 09/04/2019 22:58

"Should" suggests a moral duty. I don't think they are under any obligation, moral or otherwise, to give family members their money, just because they have plenty! It's lovely if they want to but it is perfectly fine if they don't want to.

Happyspud · 09/04/2019 22:58

Being handed house deposits on a plate does no one any good.

😂 Except the obvious.

People will fight tooth and nail to explain reasons why parents shouldn’t help their children and why it’s bad but the truth is that it’s simply unfair.

NameChangerAmI · 09/04/2019 22:59

£100,000 per GC?

YABU!

starbrightnight · 09/04/2019 23:01

I wish I had enough to help our daughter onto the housing ladder. Her rent keeps me awake. She earns a good salary but in the south east rent is impossibly high so she can never save for a deposit.

If my DH goes before me the first thing I'll do is sell up and find myself a modest terraced house and give her the deposit for one herself.

We've already downsized in order to retire so there's no spare cash unless we look into equity release, which I'm not ruling out if it helps her get a home of her own.

So I agree, OP - your opening example is beyond my understanding as well.

whyamievenamazeddotcom · 09/04/2019 23:04

I think it’s a very generous and decent thing to help dependents get on the ladder I very much hope to be in a position to do so my husband and I were talking about this a while ago and it raised the question of what if we left the house or a gave a big deposit and DC met and married someone could DC potentially lose the initial deposit/gift etc if the relationship broke down so we’d have to put some legality in place and yes in ideal world I’d love not to have to think like that but unfortunately it is necessary
While it would be nice for grandparents to gift to their granddaughter but it’s their choice I’m sure when they’re no longer here the house will be gifted via a will meanwhile they have lived there and made it a home full of memories and it essentially will cost them to maintain it 500k sounds a lot but it won’t really go that far my point is it really is up to them what they do with their money if they want to stay in their home it should be respected if they want to help it should be welcomed

Theladylady · 09/04/2019 23:05

If I can see my son could have saved the money himself and choose holidays cars and clothing then in my view your making a choice to rent however

If he worked hard witch he is and saving bit just needed the extra to get over the hurdle then we will but to get given the money when you have save £0 then in my view you don’t have the discipline to maintain a mortgage

We saved 27k in laws gave us 10k

starbrightnight · 09/04/2019 23:14

Whyamievenamazed that happened to us re our son. We gifted him the deposit as a single man. He later got married, the marriage broke down, she got half the equity. That's life.

KennDodd · 09/04/2019 23:14

I think we're missing the real issue here. Family shouldn't have to help children out because home ownership should be within their reach. Handing out money entrenches inequality. Having said all that, I'm saving money to help my kids. The system isn't right but I don't know what the solution is.

notso · 09/04/2019 23:15

I don't think I could take a significant amount of money from my parents or in laws unless they won the lottery or something. I feel bad enough asking them to do occasional babysitting or giving one of the kids a lift if they have clashing events.

Jaffacakebeast · 09/04/2019 23:23

Depends on the family. I wouldn’t accept it from my parents, cos I know it’d cost me down the line. I would happily do it for mine when he’s older if I was a position 2 tho, No strings

BrokenWing · 09/04/2019 23:26

Nobody helped my mum and dad get on the housing ladder, why on earth should they be obliged help their grandkids?

They had years of renting mice infested shitholes that they couldn't afford to heat with outside toilets, a qualified solicitor renting is hardly a hardship.

Original poster
grimeandlime · 09/04/2019 23:31

@brokenwing well what if these grandparents had their house bought for them because they came from wealthy families?

OP posts:
PregnantSea · 09/04/2019 23:33

It's really up to the individual with the money. It's a lovely thing to do if they can afford to but they aren't obliged. It's their money.

But as someone who has no hope of getting on the housing ladder anytime soon - sure, I would love to have a rich old relative give me £100k! Wouldn't it be great if life was really like that lol. No one in mine or DH's family has enough to money to properly look after themselves, never mind sending us nest eggs. Still, we can dream :)

Piewife · 09/04/2019 23:40

I don't think they "should" either. However it is a nice thing to do and I think I would help my children (and possible future grandchildren) if I could afford to.

I don't think I'd downsize specifically to do that though.

CarDaze89 · 09/04/2019 23:56

There are some wealthy celebrities who have stated that they will not give lots of money to their children. Why ? Because I assume they want their children to find their own path in life.
Secondly, lots of older people don't wish to downsize, because it would possibly take them away from their friends, neighbors, neighborhood.
There are places in the UK where property is much more affordable

GreigLaidlawsbarofsoap · 09/04/2019 23:58

@Theladylady where on earth do you live that you can buy a house for the same price as an Audi? Average house prices near me are over £225k easily and I'm nowhere near the SE of England (other end actually!) An Audi wouldn't even get you an accepted deposit. Nor would a daily Starbucks or avocado toast, just saying.

ooooohbetty · 10/04/2019 00:04

No. I wasn't in the position to ever help them plus you can buy houses and flats for less than 80k round here. Maybe the lawyer in London could move somewhere she could afford to buy.

HerRoyalNotness · 10/04/2019 00:10

greig. I imagine 4yrs of car payments if saved would serve as a house deposit.

When my father lived in Sydney he couldn’t initially afford a house so they bought one about two hours away, rented it out, built up some equity and then sold to find a deposit for Sydney. I’d suggest she looks at doing something like this.

I would help my DC if it’s in my means, but it’s not a have to or should, it’s a want to, and not everyone wants to

Sakura7 · 10/04/2019 00:20

So those of us with irresponsible parents (or good parents who just don't have the money to spare) have to work twice as hard just to keep up.

Of course I do understand why people want to help their children, but it does create huge inequality.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 10/04/2019 00:21

Just wondering how many people who think the parents should give their money to help DC or DGC think the children should provide help and care for the parents/gps in their dotage.

Dottierichardson · 10/04/2019 00:22

OP they may have savings but no pension or a small pension - often people don't admit to this kind of thing as see it as too personal - they may be worried about needing money for elderly care and not want to end up in state care. They may love their home and be very settled in it, and not want to move away. After all just because you're older why should you not be allowed to live where you want if you can? Even if they're in their 80s may live for another 25 years. They may want to keep the space to rent out...My parents sold their large house and gave the surplus to charity, none of us could afford to buy until our mid-30s,. as they believe people need to be responsible for themselves, so even if they don't keep their house/savings they may not give it to the family.

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