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Original poster

Do you think family should help younger generation to get on housing ladder?

226 replies

grimeandlime · 09/04/2019 22:29

A neighbour of mine has a daughter who is 26 and a lawyer in London. She is a lovely girl and hugely hard working, but her mum was telling me that she cannot even dream of affording a flat due to the huge deposit needed.

Her grandparents live in a 6 bedroom detached house worth about £1mil I reckon. According to neighbour they have investments worth at least £500k due to selling off family business and inheritances.

I know it's got nothing at all to do with me, but surely they could chuck each grandchild £100k as a deposit for a flat, and downsize to a bungalow/ retirement village/ nice flat.

Do you think families should try and help the younger generations to get on the housing ladder?

OP posts:
BloodyDisgrace · 10/04/2019 10:40

Grandparents? No, I don't think so. If thit was the parents, now then it would be a bit different.

Mememeplease · 10/04/2019 10:44

We had help. I intend to pay it forward, however they have to meet us half way and prove they can save and be responsible first.

PlainJane28 · 10/04/2019 10:48

Thankfully my FIL just gave us and his other son £30k each. We would never have been able to do it any other way. We had to save £7k ourselves and borrow a further £5k just to get a 2 bed new build flat. I am so thankful thought as our rent has gone from being £1000 PCM to £595 monthly mortgage payments. We definitely do it for our child in the future if we can.

BlindAssassin1 · 10/04/2019 10:51

Lots of entitlement here. No-one is owed anything.

No they're not. But equally then should older generations expect help in the form of care, driving them around to appointments etc etc... it goes both ways. I see a lot of people expecting their adult DC, especially daughters and DIL, to drop everything to attend to their needs once their become too frail to drive themselves around. It swings both ways. Its not out of entitled expectation but simply not having the mental, financial and time resources.

starbrightnight · 10/04/2019 10:58

What people may not be taking into account is the peace of mind it would give the older generation to know that their loved ones have a roof over their heads. So it's not an entirely altruistic choice.

I'm in my sixties and it would be just as much for my peace of mind and happiness to see my daughter securely in her own home (with a mortgage she can manage) as it would be for her. She works hard but the cheapest 2 up 2 down terraced house is over 250k. 4 x 40k salary (which is stretching it somewhat as 2k of that is bonus which wouldn't count) might get her a mortgage of 160k, so she would need a deposit of approx 100k.

Flats aren't much cheaper because they tend to be new build.

Her rent is well over 1000k per month excluding bills so it is genuinely impossible for her to save anything other than small amounts for emergencies like car repairs etc and Christmas.

People might say she could move to a cheaper areas but that's just not realistic, her whole life is here.

Purpletigers · 10/04/2019 11:02

Starbright- how old is your daughter , is she married or does she have children? If she’s single and alone then surely a house share would be a viable option allowing her to save . 1000 a month in rent alone is extortionate.

Putthatlampshadeonyourhead · 10/04/2019 11:04

But equally then should older generations expect help in the form of care, driving them around to appointments etc etc... it goes both ways.

This argument doesnt make sense.

If it goes both ways, these elderly people brought their kids up. That's their half of 'it goes both ways' .

Why do the older people need to bring the children up, do all the running round after them AND them give them a lump sum so their kids will help them when they are elderly?

Why dont the younger ones just help out because their parents did alot for them when they were younger.

That's going both ways?

starbrightnight · 10/04/2019 11:06

And the same applies when my mother had dementia and wasn't coping. She didn't want help from anyone and remained stubbornly independent. I wanted to help, and that was as much for my peace of mind as for her. She didn't see the need for my interference.

But then if you respect that you get the neighbours onto you, thinking how selfish you are leaving your poor mother living in that state. It's an impossible conundrum we have to wade through and navigate as best we can for our loved ones' best interests, and ours wherever we are in the timeline of need.

starbrightnight · 10/04/2019 11:14

Purple tigers, she is mid thirties with a cat. She took her rental place on years ago with a boyfriend who didn't last.

I agree with you. If it were me I'd find a home for the cat (we'd have it but our own cat wouldn't like it) and move into a shared house at minimal cost, and I'd get an evening job etc, which I did back when I was struggling in my late teens / early twenties.

But I think she's just so demoralised that the goal of a house is so far from achievable that she has given up to a certain extent, and just lives in the now as she can't plan for a future she cannot ever see happening.

It's sad because she loves cooking and all things domestic and has made a lovely home where she rents.

BlindAssassin1 · 10/04/2019 11:19

Why dont the younger ones just help out because their parents did alot for them when they were younger.

Because when your still up to your neck in a mortgage, helping your kids through uni, still in a long-hours, low pay job, you're not going to have the time or resources to help your elderly parents.

I feel being a family doesn't just stop when children turn 18.

Putthatlampshadeonyourhead · 10/04/2019 11:22

you're not going to have the time or resources to help your elderly parents.

I am not saying they should help. But I am saying that if you are claiming 'it works both ways' then the parents have done their half of both ways.

Bunging someone a deposit for a house isnt going to really impact the fact that they are so busy and dont have time.

That's not going both ways. That's paying for care.

Again not saying anyone should have to care for their parents if they cant. I just dont agree that financially helping out is what needed for it to 'go both ways'.

WeTookVows · 10/04/2019 11:24

My mum and dad have always been generous and supported us practically and financially when they've been able to. DH and I look forward to helping our own DC. I wonfer whether that's mostly because it's the culture in our family though?

We could afford more DC now, but uni costs and stuff would be too much, so we'll keep our family as it is. I guess that means helping DC financially is of a fairly high priority for us, but we are comfortably off. I can see why parents need to maximise their own pensions (within reason) and pay off their own mortgages before helping DC. If I had a million or more pounds I'd get so much pleasure from helping my DC, but these are grandparents so one step removed, and the money isn't in ready cash, so I can understand not wanting the upheaval.

Sooverthemill · 10/04/2019 11:25

No I don't think that. I think it's up to each individual to decide how to fund their housing choices, unless they are on a low income when access should be to social housing. I didn't have any help from my family ( and would never have expected any). My DH did for his first house and is troubled because we have nothing spare to give our children . I just think it's up to them.

Xenia · 10/04/2019 11:25

I didn't have help but we bought as a couple had two full time wages and we bought before we had children.

Towlawyers 3 year qualified inLondon on £100,000 each buying before they have children can buy the first house we bought out here (zone 5) 30 years ago - today they cost about £400k. Your 5% deposit is £20k which is £10k per person. on lawyer wages it is not impossible to save £10k.

No parents or grandparent should be obliged to give money to the children.
I have given the older ones some but I would certainly not do it at the expense of being able to live in my house until I die.

Confusedbeetle · 10/04/2019 11:26

There is not, and never should be a "should help"

HotChocolateLover · 10/04/2019 11:29

I can’t help feeling somewhat resentful that my DH’s nan was able to just buy in cash a £220k house even though she hadn’t yet sold her £650k house (owned outright) in London. The woman never spends anything (apart from houses) yet we’re scrabbling around for pennies sometimes. It does definitely make me feel resentful and I don’t care what anyone else thinks.

MyFamilyAndOtherAnimals1 · 10/04/2019 11:32

People are so different!

Even though I grew up in the countryside, my family was very poor (never went on hols, no toys ect.), and the subject of money was often avoided. Circumstances have now changed, and my parents have inherited three houses are now earning a lot of money, as well as getting income from renting out those houses. They gave me £10 for my recent birthday, and sent a card for my DH's.

My DH parents (my pil) have always talked about money - which family member has inherited what, and what their jobs/expenses are like. They are both currently living off their pension. They very kindly gave my DH £1k for his 30th, and gave me £100 for mine.

My DH's Mum and Auntie have both offered us large contributions towards a deposit. I would eat my hat if my family so much as offered me a doorknob towards a house.

I do feel bad though - my older sister has two young boys and she and her DH really want to buy, but being self-employed are struggling to get a mortgage, thus need a large deposit. I wish my own parents would at least be a bit financially generous to her.

Bluerussian · 10/04/2019 11:35

Yes I think family should help the young ones if they can afford it. They might not be able to of course, plenty of older people are poor but those that are comfortably off should help - who else is their money going to when they've popped their clogs? You'd be surprised how mean some people can be with their kids though, however most will do what they can.

WellTidy · 10/04/2019 11:37

My parents gave me the money for a deposit so that I could buy my first flat. I had saved up the stamp duty. I paid them back, but they didn't expect it, so they ended up just giving the money back to me to help pay for our wedding.

DH and I will absolutely help DS buy his first home. Not a huge pad, just a first home. We live in the south east, and property prices are high. DS is still at primary school, so it is a long way into the future, but I don't know what type of job he will want to do. It may be that he would want to do a job that is typically low paid, and I would love for him to make choices based on what he will enjoy, rather than a job that pays £X amount that he would need to be able to buy a first home. Obviously, we haven't told him this, as I want him to have a work ethic and this isn't a conversation that is appropriate to have with a 10yo Smile

BlueSkiesLies · 10/04/2019 11:40

I like to think that if parents can help they would. But not to the detriment of their own secure future i.e. care needs. Also, not all families have a loving and supportive relationship. Some children would piss it up the wall, not protect a deposit if moving in with a partner etc.

I had help from my parents, as did my sibling.

BlueSkiesLies · 10/04/2019 11:40

In fact, I don't know anyone who has purchased property in London (even with great jobs) that has not had some kind of deposit top up form parents, GPs or an inheritance.

MrsPerfect12 · 10/04/2019 11:50

If I can afford to help I would help my children. I'd much rather see my children enjoy inheritance early than then have it when they're approaching 70 and I'm dead. The need for it has long gone.

dorisdog · 10/04/2019 11:56

I'd help mine, but no-one should have to. The bigger question is why is there such a shortage of affordable and council housing?!

Purpletigers · 10/04/2019 12:02

Dorisdog - surely another question is under occupation of housing . I don’t think building lots and lots of new houses will ever be the answer if young people expect to move out and live independently at 18 or thereabouts
. Also if we want to be able to house our population adequately then I think we should be looking at ways to sustain it . There are simply too many people for the resources available.

DSHathawayGivesMeFannyGallops · 10/04/2019 12:04

It is up to each family and their circs. I had a huge chunk of inheritance early to help with getting a home & try to avoid IHT. My parents are thinking about giving me more, as to go up into the next price bracket would be much better (am in SE), but they have their own lives to live & enjoy, too!