Was I being invasive? I can't decide!

[WhyReschedule]

I've been looking after a friend's DD today and I cleaned her downstairs from top to bottom.

Not out of rudeness, just because I genuinely adore cleaning. I thought she wouldn't mind since her DD is older and happy. Was offered different entertainments by me, etc etc. My own DC was there too but a baby so not of any companionship to her.

Friend came home and said "Blimey! You really have outdone yourself". Her DD even said she hoped I would look after her again. The atmosphere was randomly very tense.

I just left not 15 minutes ago and have received a text saying "Next time you look after DD please don't worry about the housework, you're there to look after her. Not the house. Please just leave it".

AIBU to think this is a bit rude? I feel extremely upset that I would make someone feel down or upset. I really didn't want to offend and did text as much back.

I know a lot of people dislike cleaning and it's something I genuinely enjoy. Most people are over the moon if I offer or do jobs for them. MIL once cried with happiness on return to her clean house from a long day of working.

Come round to mine. Not showing you nipples tho' lol

You can come to my house any time!!! She was probably just embarrassed.. hopefully she gets over it and realizes you were just trying to be helpful :)

I think saying, 'I love cleaning' and going into someone's house and cleaning it is rather like saying 'I love prosecco' and going into somebody's house and drinking all their sparkling wine.

It's not about what you love doing - it's about having respect for the other person.

Also even if you did some activities with your friend's daughter it would seem appropriate to get a bit of fresh air and exercise. Going to a park/walking to shops - that sort of thing. Rather than giving yourself a fix of someone else's housework.

If you cleaned my flat I'd be over the moon. I might think 'Oh was it dirty?' but then I'd think, I don't care I don't have to clean!

I'm afraid I think YABU.

However good your intentions, you overstepped the mark.

If I was your friend I would have been very embarrassed. People have different standards and that's perfectly OK. I try not to judge people who are obsessively clean and tidy.

If you were a casual aquaintance OP I might feel it was a bit intrusive - although I'd still feel extremely grateful to come home to a clean house.

If we were close friends I would have bought you chocolates to say thank you for the childcare and a second box to say thank you for the thoughfulness.

Perhaps your friend felt a bit embarrassed that she - like me - wouldn't achieve all that much cleaning in one day.

I admire your dust free attitude.

It doesn’t matter if you love cleaning.

She didn’t like it and she was polite enough to tell you that, instead of coming on here and starting an AIBU 😂😂😂😂

You were rude. You were there to mind her child!?

I would be annoyed that you had spent the time cleaning rather than caring for my little one.

I would be over the moon lol

I wouldn’t be offended but I would feel guilty that you’d done all that cleaning! You probably should’ve asked as some people don’t like it. I have friends who would welcome it but equally I know people who would hate it. You meant well and I don’t think your friend was very gracious.

I think that while you were well intentioned, you overstepped the mark. I’d have been mortified if a friend did that in my house.

Please be my friend!! I'd love to come home to an unexpectedly clean house. Be my cleaning fairy please @WhyReschedule !!

I would be utterly fuming, you're the rude one. It's not your business to go about cleaning people's houses when they haven't asked you to.

Surely it occurred to you her daughter might have preferred to spend time with you rather than watch you clean.

I think you ought to work on boundaries. Your own, and others. And send a heartfelt apology to your friend.

I’m rarely offended. Are you in the north east? Babysitting and cleaning? Both would do me sweet. Il even buy some new zoflora for you

Please please be my friend!

I’d feel like you were judging me. I wouldn’t care, because I tend to ignore people who judge on tidiness/level of cleaning (unless it’s actually, scientifically unsanitary).
I couldn’t get past this though: I genuinely adore cleaning This is so far beyond my understanding I can’t even start.

Where did your baby get a look in, op?! Did you pay them any attention at all?

Is like to point out that while I agree it’s something a lot of people would find invasive I wouldn’t mind it if you did it at my house - you’re welcome anytime!

To be honest I would be really upset and offended if you do that. I would feel you were suggesting my house was too dirty/messy for you to sit in and it is completely inappropriate to go though her things uninvited (cupboards for cleaning things- ironing pile).

I'm surprised that you and so many people think that is is ok and just a nice thing to do, so maybe I am over sensitive but please never do that at my house!

I'd be furious. It's a huge invasion of privacy.

A friend once offered to come and feed my cat while I was away for a weekend. When I returned, it was clear that she'd cleaned and tidied the downstairs of my house. I actually felt sick that she'd done that. She'd even rearranged the letters in my letter rack, which made me wonder whether she'd read them - and one of them was a hospital appointment that I hadn't told anyone about.

You were absolutely wrong to go in her cupboards. Seriously, what were you thinking?

I'm also far from convinced that the people who said they'd love this, actually would if they'd not been asked first.

Were you being invasive? Is the Pope catholic? Of course you were and you think she was rude! Have you no sense of boundaries?

Unbelievable lack of awareness.

Waaaaaay overstepped.

And I don't believe your primary reason was a good intention but to feed your own ego.

Plus in doing this you weren't doing what you were there to do. Throughout that's all I keep thinking - that you were more focussed on cleaning than caring for the children.

It was invasive, critical and demeaning and I suspect at least partly designed to undermine your supposed friend, possibly because you feel inferior to her in some aspect.

Not normal behaviour at all. And u speak as someone with DX OCD.

I'd hate this, not only because of the OCD but because there likely would be private items that someone doing this could come across - bank statements etc.

My mother does this if she babysits for my sister (she's never babysat my dd for different reasons) and then has on occasion used info she's learned as a result against my sister - and that's even though sis is gc with her!

It's a serious invasion of privacy!

I think you'll be lucky IF she asks you to her home again at all.

Wow I find the over the top responses on here really surprising. My friend used to say she hated it when her MIL did this and I used to think she was being a bit mean. Its a little tiny bit intrusive but her heart was in the right place, just trying to help. I cant understand people being furious? Maybe say you dont want them to clean, but say you realise they were just being nice.