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AIBU?

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Original poster

Was I being invasive? I can't decide!

412 replies

WhyReschedule · 08/04/2019 16:10

I've been looking after a friend's DD today and I cleaned her downstairs from top to bottom.

Not out of rudeness, just because I genuinely adore cleaning. I thought she wouldn't mind since her DD is older and happy. Was offered different entertainments by me, etc etc. My own DC was there too but a baby so not of any companionship to her.

Friend came home and said "Blimey! You really have outdone yourself". Her DD even said she hoped I would look after her again. The atmosphere was randomly very tense.

I just left not 15 minutes ago and have received a text saying "Next time you look after DD please don't worry about the housework, you're there to look after her. Not the house. Please just leave it".

AIBU to think this is a bit rude? Blush I feel extremely upset that I would make someone feel down or upset. I really didn't want to offend and did text as much back.

I know a lot of people dislike cleaning and it's something I genuinely enjoy. Most people are over the moon if I offer or do jobs for them. MIL once cried with happiness on return to her clean house from a long day of working.

OP posts:
Original poster
WhyReschedule · 09/04/2019 11:23

gamerchick Thank you Thanks

Your reply has really enlightened me. I won't be having her DD again anytime soon after that text.

I kept going over it again and again wondering why I didn't just not do x.y,z. Thinking how rude I was etc. But I'm not giving it anymore thought. I just wanted to be a good friend

OP posts:
CaptainJaneway12 · 09/04/2019 11:26

Oh she had made her point, rude to drive it home whilst asking for a favour. I would reply:
"Look I was trying to help, I misjudged it. I get it now. I am sorry if it has offended you but if you know me at all you will know my heart was in the right place. I will look after your child for you because I don't like to let either of you down and am happy to help as your friend but would like to do so without any resentment from you for something I did with good intentions."

gamerchick · 09/04/2019 11:29

I just dislike it when a person keeps a close friend firmly in the wrong, talking to them like crap and expecting them to take it.
You are not a whipping boy until you've been pardoned. It doesn't work like that.

BlingLoving · 09/04/2019 11:30

Did I miss a post - do you regularly look after this child for free?

I think she is mortified. Cleaning her house suggests you think it's dirty. What would also annoy me in this situation is I have a way of doing things. I like to use certain products in certain places for example, and some random person cleaning my house wouldn't necessarily know that. I know you have apologised but unless I've missed something, it was a pretty weak one - ie you very clearly don't think you were in the wrong and were just apologising for the sake of it.

However, if she's getting free childcare, the slightly narked tone of her latest message isn't okay either. In which case I'd be starting to get annoyed rather than defensive.

sonjadog · 09/04/2019 11:30

Nah, I wouldn’t babysit for her after she sent that. Fine you were in the wrong, but it was hardly the crime of the century and you have apologized.

gamerchick · 09/04/2019 11:30

And seriously, do not apologise again.

Hubblebubbletripletrouble · 09/04/2019 11:36

Err yeah she can’t continue to be a twat about it AFTER you apologised, whilst in the same breath confirming you will be doing a massive favour for her! What brass balls she has! She clearly thinks she can walk all over you OP, sorry. Show her that she can’t

IWannaSeeHowItEnds · 09/04/2019 11:40

Phone being glitchy so I may have missed a post, but why are you looking after her child do much? Her last text was fucking rude. Don't let her take the piss. I think this friendship might have run its course.

sillysmiles · 09/04/2019 11:41

Stop txting and just pick up the phone and speak to her.

It's crazy that she's upset with you about this and it's crazy that you are upset too. There is no reason to lose close friends over a well intentioned but poor received gesture.

Stop texting - you can not hear tone in a text.

0nTheEdge · 09/04/2019 11:44

Oufff, I think she just pissed on her chips with that last message!...

Original poster
WhyReschedule · 09/04/2019 11:50

Phone being glitchy so I may have missed a post, but why are you looking after her child do much? Her last text was fucking rude. Don't let her take the piss. I think this friendship might have run its course.

Because she doesn't have anyone for her really during the school holidays and she works full time, so I lend a hand when I can. I'd always do it for anyone if I knew they needed me. I wouldn't think twice, but I just cannot get over being spoken to so harshly after she'd already made her point. So I won't be doing it again soon...

OP posts:
TheGrey1houndSpeaks · 09/04/2019 11:50

You haven’t explained why you babysit so much, or why it takes place in your friend’s home, op? Why would you take your baby to spend the day in someone else’s home, multiple times per week?
It all sounds so unlikely (and I don’t believe that last text for a second).

gamerchick · 09/04/2019 11:53

You've never babysitted in someone's home the grey? Why would you think it was unlikely?

gamerchick · 09/04/2019 11:53

*babysat rather

BeanTownNancy · 09/04/2019 11:54

Oh, fuck that last message!

I understand why your friend might have been upset or annoyed with you, but she only needed to be honest and say that - constant little digs at you after you've apologized, when you're doing her a favour is a dick move. You're clearly just a kind and helpful person (you're watching her kid after all) so why she is trying to make you out to be the bad guy with some kind of problem instead of just someone who made an error in judgement is beyond me.

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 09/04/2019 11:55

Yes you overstepped the mark but you didn’t mean any harm

Be ‘too busy’ to babysit and step back from her Flowers

Cheeky bitch

saraclara · 09/04/2019 11:57

Call her.

The only misunderstandings I've ever had with friends have been where tone in messages has been misunderstood. All that hurt and upset that could have been avoided if we'd used old skool communication.

MammaMia19 · 09/04/2019 12:05

I wouldn't be happy but she's rude carrying it on. I'd text back saying you've already said sorry, you was only trying to help and its best for her to find another babysitter if she's this unhappy about it.

wotsittoyou · 09/04/2019 12:07

Do NOT look after her child again! You went there as a favour. You cleaned up because that's how you are - if she knows you very well then she should know it wasn't a dig at her. She didn't like it. She should have thanked you and politely explained why she doesn't want you to do it again. She should not have been rude!

Also, why is she leaving her free babysitter to sit in a tip all day? THAT'S rude. She should have at least made sure it was a comfortable environment for you to spend the day in doing her this massive favour.

Dh gets up at 5am on the days our nanny comes to make sure everything is decent and ready for her. Sitting in your own mess is fine, but who wants to be sitting for the whole day in other people's mess?

You sound great, by the way, don't waste your time helping people who take you for granted.

Sugarformyhoney · 09/04/2019 13:09

If she was fine with the mess then she wouldn’t have commented not to mind it, so clearly it was bothering her. You tried to do s nice thing and misjudged it.
Personally I feel it’s rude to ask someone to babysit and leave a dirty or messy house. I once looked after a friend’s dd and there wasn’t even a clean cup for a brew. That’s rude imo.
Anyway you apologised and now she’s being a rude and cheeky fucker. I’d babysit as arranged as to not disappoint the DD but then I would be busy next time she asked

PineapplePatty · 09/04/2019 13:13

I think you were absolutely in the wrong but you apologised so that should be that.

If not be looking after her child on Friday.

HBStowe · 09/04/2019 13:26

I think you did overstep a boundary and I would be really mortified if a friend did that to me. But even so, her texts to you have been really rude. Fine for her to mention that she didn’t want you to clean, but she’s been really presumptuous about the favours you are kindly doing for her and she doesn’t need to go on about it. I wouldn’t be rushing to baby sit any more (but I also wouldn’t clean any more houses without permission if I were you)

Siameasy · 09/04/2019 13:27

She’s coming across as a cow and entitled. I do agree about tone in texts - however, since you’re helping her out she should be extra polite.
When Mil looks after DD provided DD is safe, fed and watered I don’t expect DD to be entertained or given loads of activities. I’m grateful for the help. There’s no need for any child to be constantly entertained especially not an 8 year old!

AndItStillSaidFourOfTwo · 09/04/2019 13:27

OP, what you did was massively intrusive, and I think you have really upset her, but that text in combination with asking for a childcare favour, and after you've apologised, has definitely tipped the balance of unreasonableness towards her. Tbf, there would probably be a permanent change in our relationship if a friend of mine had done that to me, but I think the dynamics are skewed here anyway (because of all the childcare favours) and I think she is really smarting from that - this latest message is almost as if she is wilfully/recklessly burning her bridges.

I second the recommendation to talk to her.

ContessaIsOnADietDammit · 09/04/2019 13:37

It's just possible that she's trying to make a joke, but that message does read as quite rude from her.

I think I'd call and say "Just thought I'd call as it's really hard to judge tone of voice in a text message! I can't tell if you're angry with me or not from that last message; it came across as a proper dig and made me feel bad all over again. Either you've accepted my apology or you haven't, so please let me know which it is!"

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