To think I should be able to wear whatever I damn well want?!

[Zebby25]

I have no issue being told IABU if I am. So please flame away if I am being inconsiderate and a “bit of a bitch” as my husband seems to think!

DH and I have been together for 14 years, since we were 16. Married for 10 years. We have 3 children.
I had our DC between the ages 22 and 27. During this time I gained a lot of weight (to the tune of almost 7 stones... size 10 up to an 18). Bad habits, not enough exercise, not enough healthy food. Etc.
After I had DC3 I said I was really going to do it this time and lose all of the weight I had gained (much eye rolling from family and friends). And I did. I joined slimming world online, got a gym membership, swim pass, exercise DVDs, some cheap secondhand home equipment... and I worked my arse off for 2 years.
My SIL (husbands brothers wife) is in a similar position to me. Been with DH for almost as long as us, 3 kids, same age as me... she also gained a lot of weight in her 20s - not quite as much as me, but a significant amount.
We spend a lot of time together as couples because DH and his bro are best friends. This Saturday just gone SIL and I went clothes shopping - my dad gave me some money for my birthday and we are going out to celebrate my birthday this Friday, so I want a new outfit. I bought a black leather-look high-waisted mini skirt to wear with clothes I already have ( including black tights - Varicose veins won’t allow for bare legs 😂)
It’s a lovely skirt and I’m really excited to wear it. It’s been a LONG time since I’ve felt comfortable in something other than maternity leggings!
SIL has complained to her DH about this skirt and says she will feel “like a potato” if I wear that and she has to stand beside me all night, and has even threatened not to come out with us. OVER A SKIRT. 🙄
Her DH has spoken to my DH, and DH has told me I really ought to wear something else.
My SIL has complained about her weight since she had her last baby 4 years ago. I asked her to join the gym with me. And she did, but always made an excuse not to come. I have let her borrow workout DVDs (she asked if she could, I didn’t force them on her) which she admits she hasn’t used. I told her about slimming world and she says she wouldn’t stick to it. She likes to eat and drink whatever she likes.
Well that’s absolutely fine, do that - but don’t then dictate to me what I’m allowed to wear because you feel bad about yourself?!
I have dragged myself out of bed 5 mornings a week 2 hours before everyone else to work out, shower and have breakfast before the day “started”. Meal prepped every Sunday. Learned the syns of every snack and meal going. Made fakeaways in place of takeaways. Turned down donuts with tears in my eyes. Been tee-bloody-total!....
I am now down to a size 8/10. Not at urgent risk of diabetes anymore. My knees and back don’t hurt anymore. I can get upstairs without being out of breath.
I have worked really f*ing hard to be healthy and it’s worked and I’m finally confident and happy with myself. And proud. I feel like my old self again - finally!
I should be able to wear my new skirt on MY birthday?!?!
DH says I can wear it “next time” we go out (which may not be for another 6 months knowing us!) and thinks I should spare SILs feelings because I know how it feels to be overweight and unconfident. Yes, I did, so I bloody well did something about it! I didn’t down pints of Stella and glasses of wine and takeaways every weekend! I exercised! I had self control! And it wasn’t easy by any means.

I’m sorry if I’m coming off as a bitch, I’m really not. But I’m a 30 year old woman who has worked extremely hard to better herself, I should be able to wear what i like without it causing a row with my husband and a family rift. Not because I’m a “show off” as hubby says, but because I’ve bloody earned it!
AIBU?? Am I being an inconsiderate bitch or am I right here?

I am a man, and would not have said what your DH said. I might have passed on the other DH's views but that is all.

So it's not that she's fat. It's that she's used to being "the slim one" and now she can't stand the fact that you're thinner than her.
This ^^

Don't let anyone edit you OP: not now on your birthday or any other day. After all, you'll still be this slim and fit when you see your SIL next!

The skirt will not be the end of this, if she gets her way it will just get worse and worse.
You need to nip this in the bud now.

I wouldn’t bother trying to argue with your DH because he sounds like an utter arse
I would just text SIL something along the lines of
“It’s a shame you no longer want to come out for my birthday, let me know if you feel like doing something another time”

I’d then tell DH the night out with BIL and SIL is canceled and either he can take me and my skirt out for a romantic birthday meal or he can babysit and me and the skirt will go out with the girls, his choice.

So tired of women and their hang ups about weight. Not having a dig at OP (she is the "victim" here and is just going about her business except there is less of her) just the jealousy that flows from other females about slimmer women or just attractive women in general.

Before anybody jumps on me I am middle aged and I lost 2 stone for health reasons in a low key way. Weight came off gradually. I don't dress any differently, never talked about it. I have had a few barbed comments from my peer group. Some women who previously talked to me don't now. I am not strutting around, its tedious snd stupid.

Women really are their own worse enemies. We complain of being treated based on how we look and yet we ourselves make the way we look the be all and end all.

Why is it only SILs feeling matter here? She will probably feel shit if you wear a different outfit anyway or will dh police your wardrobe further?

You have a husband problem as he should not be guilting manipulating and policing you. He should be proud of you and support you. It is possible to be supportive but firm.

SILs issues are her own. I would tell him that you won't have him trying to dictate and shame you with saying you are not compassionate, you are disapointed in all of them and understand if SIL does not attend.

I would wonder if your husband finds your new weight loss and body confidence a concern to his self esteem. Some people can't cope when their partner becomes more happy and confident, they have to squash them back to 'normal.

SoHotADragonRetired it's not that, it's just that with the best will in the world a leather look mini skirt is going to be bloody hard to pull off unless you're a teenager. Even if you are a teenager honestly. Sometimes when people lose a lot of weight they get a bit carried away wanting to wear things they haven't been able to wear for a long time and they can make some... Unwise choices. I just was wondering if they were actually trying to be kind and stop the OP making a mistake. Maybe not but worth considering I think given the facts provided.

OP, this ‘friendship’ is death by a thousand paper cuts. You don’t have to be strong and put it down to her insecurity. You’re not her punching back.

Take a huge step back, tell your DH that you’re very upset by her constant comments saying you eat dust and that she dangles donuts in front of you.

Why does she get to be sensitive but not you?

Fuck her insecurity, and increase your own sensitivity. Be sensitivity about what she says to you, it’s unacceptable!

BabyDarling

You have a strange notion of kindness. It’s apparent from the OP that SIL is a cunt and her DH and op’s DH are enablers.

This is total bullshit! Text her and say 'I've just been told you don't want me to wear my new skirt on my birthday, can you tell me why? I am really looking forward to getting dressed up and celebrating' or something like that so she's forced to say it to your face instead of running to mummy aka her DH.

Can you ever see a scenario where a bloke loses a bit of weight, plans to wear a pair of tighter pair of jeans, and his BIL complains to the man's wife that he is making him look like a sack of shit and he should wear something else.

Jeez - after your update I'd say wear the skirt! I though your SIL was way bigger than that to be so insecure!

I'm now a 12/14 depending on where I shop, and for my 50th I wore a short, tight SIZE 14 DRESS, and felt great.

She is SO JEALOUS.

Answering the very first post by the OP - wear your skirt and just get on with enjoying yourself at your party. It's not your job to make her feel better about herself.

Wear the skirt OP! I also struggled to lose the baby weight and worked REALLY hard to do it (and I'm still not your size, I'm a 10-12) and I'll be damned if someone stopped me from going out and looking good.
Your SIL should view your success as a means of motivation, and it's ridiculous that she's gone thru her DH to deter you from wearing what you like.
The fact that she didn't speak to you directly says a lot about your "friendship".

You have bigger problems than the skirt.

Oh and this has been picked up by the Mirror. I found it on Apple News.

I can see me giving in just for the sake of being agreeable. I’m a stupid effing pushover like that
Well if you know you're a 'pushover' then why aren't yo tackling that with the same determination, courage and tenacity that you have with the weight loss?
If you give in to this then you've basically allowed them all to shit all over you're hard work, self respect and esteem.

I don't think you're a 'pushover'. I think the years of being overweight has affected your self confidence and esteem and you 'give in' to others too easily because YOU don't feel like you deserve to look/feel good (even on your birthday) and that you're not 'worthy' of being treated with respect.

I have explained this to DH and he says I should just be a bit more considerate to her feelings because she might be having a hard time right now
Who supported YOU when YOU were having a hard time trying to lose weight?
Not sil - she actually went out of her way to pick at my meal choices, draw attention to me in front of people and then explain to everyone why I’m “sad”...she has not been the most supportive person over the last couple of years. Made a lot of snide comments...she can be really quite mean and hurtful when she wants to be
You need to remind ALL of them about this.

I just try to let it slide off me because I take the attitude it comes from a place of insecurity and I shouldn’t let her get to me
You're right and you did the mature thing by ignoring her nastiness - however, that hasn't stopped her being mean to you.
If things were the other way round - you KNOW sil would be rubbing it in your face and if you dared say anything you would be immediately shut down with claims of jealousy and being 'unsupportive'.

I’m a “show off” as hubby says
I bet this isn't the first time he's put you down, tried to demean and embarrass you is it?

We expect our nearest and dearest to love and support us and celebrate our achievements with us - unfortunately that ideal doesn't always translate into reality.
Your husband is no doubt feeling insecure about himself now and taking it out on you.
He also seems to think that other people's feelings matter more than yours.

I should be able to wear what i like without it causing a row with my husband and a family rift
You are right.
If it causes a row with your dh then the issue is your dh's attitude and treatment of you - not your weight loss or the skirt.
Why isn't he proud of your hard work and achievement?
Why won't he support YOU?
Why are sil and bil feelings more important than yours?

If it causes a family rift- then that shows there are underlying unhealthy and dysfunctional dynamics at play in their family dynamics.

Your achievement has shaken things up for them - i.e how they view themselves individually and in relation to you and brought to the surface all their hidden colours and issues - which are not your responsibility to take ownership of and accomodate

Do NOT give in to them.
Be proud of YOURSELF and wear what makes YOU feel good - especially on your birthday!
I'm not surprised these dickheads don't even appreciate that it's your birthday they're trying to piss all over as well as your achievement.

Sil is never going to lose weight and if you give in, it won't be the only time she and they all gang up on you like this again in future.
Obviously any clothes you now wear will provoke sil's insecurity and jealousy so this shit won't stop just by you giving in and pandering to them.

I'm wondering if you have the same SIL as me as this is something she would do. I've lost lots of weight too.

My choice would be not to go out with her for your birthday if that's who you are going out with. Otherwise, I'd wear something even better.

My dh would also be banned from the night out for not having my back.

Just popped up on my apple news too! They do not hang around

Well done OP on achieving that weight loss and improvement in your health. I understand that you want to show it off in something fab.
You can meet her 'request' and not wear the skirt , to avoid bad feeling because if you do wear it you won't have a nice atmosphere on your birthday. Just go and buy something equally fabulous and wear that instead. Your SIL has only made herself look very sad and bitter.

Just popped up on my apple news too! They do not hang around

Well maybe 'they' like to plant stuff because their boss has roasted their arse about their story quota I do wonder if that's the case sometimes (not necessarily here)

Get a spray tan and go in a bikini!

It's in the mirror?!

I am a man,

^^

Here we go.

Team skirt !

I would wear something else, even better , and wear the leather skirt on other occasions

what a bunch of nutters they are, overly invested in eachothers' lives...

The whole lot of you sound like massive people pleasers - BIL trying to appease his wife, Your DH trying to appease her and his Brother too, you being too 'non-confrontational' to actually ... confront this head on.

I'd be more bothered about my 'D'H calling me a 'bit of a bitch' about it. Or anything. Are you a total walkover with him too, OP?