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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think I should be able to wear whatever I damn well want?!

318 replies

Zebby25 · 08/04/2019 09:52

I have no issue being told IABU if I am. So please flame away if I am being inconsiderate and a “bit of a bitch” as my husband seems to think!

DH and I have been together for 14 years, since we were 16. Married for 10 years. We have 3 children.
I had our DC between the ages 22 and 27. During this time I gained a lot of weight (to the tune of almost 7 stones... size 10 up to an 18). Bad habits, not enough exercise, not enough healthy food. Etc.
After I had DC3 I said I was really going to do it this time and lose all of the weight I had gained (much eye rolling from family and friends). And I did. I joined slimming world online, got a gym membership, swim pass, exercise DVDs, some cheap secondhand home equipment... and I worked my arse off for 2 years.
My SIL (husbands brothers wife) is in a similar position to me. Been with DH for almost as long as us, 3 kids, same age as me... she also gained a lot of weight in her 20s - not quite as much as me, but a significant amount.
We spend a lot of time together as couples because DH and his bro are best friends. This Saturday just gone SIL and I went clothes shopping - my dad gave me some money for my birthday and we are going out to celebrate my birthday this Friday, so I want a new outfit. I bought a black leather-look high-waisted mini skirt to wear with clothes I already have ( including black tights - Varicose veins won’t allow for bare legs 😂)
It’s a lovely skirt and I’m really excited to wear it. It’s been a LONG time since I’ve felt comfortable in something other than maternity leggings!
SIL has complained to her DH about this skirt and says she will feel “like a potato” if I wear that and she has to stand beside me all night, and has even threatened not to come out with us. OVER A SKIRT. 🙄
Her DH has spoken to my DH, and DH has told me I really ought to wear something else. Shock
My SIL has complained about her weight since she had her last baby 4 years ago. I asked her to join the gym with me. And she did, but always made an excuse not to come. I have let her borrow workout DVDs (she asked if she could, I didn’t force them on her) which she admits she hasn’t used. I told her about slimming world and she says she wouldn’t stick to it. She likes to eat and drink whatever she likes.
Well that’s absolutely fine, do that - but don’t then dictate to me what I’m allowed to wear because you feel bad about yourself?!
I have dragged myself out of bed 5 mornings a week 2 hours before everyone else to work out, shower and have breakfast before the day “started”. Meal prepped every Sunday. Learned the syns of every snack and meal going. Made fakeaways in place of takeaways. Turned down donuts with tears in my eyes. Been tee-bloody-total!....
I am now down to a size 8/10. Not at urgent risk of diabetes anymore. My knees and back don’t hurt anymore. I can get upstairs without being out of breath.
I have worked really f*ing hard to be healthy and it’s worked and I’m finally confident and happy with myself. And proud. I feel like my old self again - finally!
I should be able to wear my new skirt on MY birthday?!?!
DH says I can wear it “next time” we go out (which may not be for another 6 months knowing us!) and thinks I should spare SILs feelings because I know how it feels to be overweight and unconfident. Yes, I did, so I bloody well did something about it! I didn’t down pints of Stella and glasses of wine and takeaways every weekend! I exercised! I had self control! And it wasn’t easy by any means.

I’m sorry if I’m coming off as a bitch, I’m really not. But I’m a 30 year old woman who has worked extremely hard to better herself, I should be able to wear what i like without it causing a row with my husband and a family rift. Not because I’m a “show off” as hubby says, but because I’ve bloody earned it!
AIBU?? Am I being an inconsiderate bitch or am I right here?

OP posts:
fblake · 08/04/2019 14:44

Wear the skirt! I think they're being unreasonable to ask you not to x

DestinationPub · 08/04/2019 14:46

Oh well, show DH the daily mirror and say that’s just what your brother and his wife are doing. Let him read the comments.

CoraPirbright · 08/04/2019 14:50

Your SIL has been a bitch throughout your weight loss battle so why on earth do you have to pander to her now? If she had been super supportive and lovely and cheered you on then that’s one thing but what you describe in your update is truly horrible.

I wouldn’t want to spend my birthday celebrations with someone like her and would cancel. And then go out with some nice people ......in the skirt!!

HazardGhost · 08/04/2019 14:51

Hang on she's kicking up this much fuss and she's only a size 14? The UK average is 16. She's ridiculous.

Wear whatever the hell you like.

Time40 · 08/04/2019 14:52

Wear the skirt, or wear something even more figure-hugging and glamorous. And never, ever even consider letting anyone else tell you what to wear - that's absolutely ridiculous.

And your SIL's attempt to undermine your weight-loss were horrible. What a cow she is.

catzrulz · 08/04/2019 14:54

I was in the camp of wear the skirt, you've more than earned it. However, reading some replies, I'd be going out to buy something even more fabulous and wearing it, although I do get not everybody has money to spare to just go and buy an outfit.
So if you can, get yourself something even more fabulous and she can suck that up.

RhymingRabbit · 08/04/2019 14:57

I'm another who is more concerned by your husband's behaviour than your SIL. By the sounds of it you can take our leave her, but your husband is supposed to have your back. I know mine would never try to control what I wore and would tell anyone who did to stop being ridiculous.

How supportive has your husband been with your weight loss?

blinkinfedupnow · 08/04/2019 14:59

Wear the skirt, OP! I was toying with starting SW again as I have about 5 stones to lose after 3 DCs. Your post has just inspired me to rejoin! Well done on your amazing weight loss and new healthy lifestyle Flowers

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 08/04/2019 15:00

Don't wear the skirt. Wear hot pants and a t shirt with a picture of your SiL and a = and a picture of a potato

IJustLostTheGame · 08/04/2019 15:03

Wear the skirt OP.
With this t shirt.

To think I should be able to wear whatever I damn well want?!
SandAndSea · 08/04/2019 15:04

I think if you don't wear the skirt, it'll be something else next. I also think that situations like this can come from ignoring your feelings earlier on. (Maybe like you've described?) If you keep fitting in with them, you could find yourself in an even more unhappy relationship with this woman/couple down the road. Consequently, I would (gently - no need for drama) cancel seeing them on your birthday. Spend it with people who are supportive of you and wear what you like. Mem: Your feelings matter too!!

(Just to add that I'm overweight and would be - am! - inspired by you.)

bagpiss · 08/04/2019 15:05

Op I think you totally deserve to wear the skirt or whatever the hell you like, however I'd also be inclined to say you'll not wear it but go for something completely Sophisticated glam and gorgeously figure hugging sexy instead. 😁

To think I should be able to wear whatever I damn well want?!
To think I should be able to wear whatever I damn well want?!
TitianaTitsling · 08/04/2019 15:07

Can't post photos yet but please as pp said, actually don't wear the skirt now, wear body con dress or something like this! www.boohoo.com/sweetheart-off-shoulder-bodycon-midi-dress/DZZ94561-157-16.html?gclid=Cj0KCQjw4qvlBRDiARIsAHme6os9bdqUFjx6yMMG19O3BfNag5FqKAl1xl55gJwB_2r5osEh84kP7T4aAvS8EALw_wcB&gclsrc=aw.ds

hellsbellsmelons · 08/04/2019 15:09

OMG @IJustLostTheGame - that is genius!!!!
Grin

ItstheGFAStupid · 08/04/2019 15:13

If the tabloids havent got this yet, OP are you aware you've used your real name in one of the posts?

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 08/04/2019 15:15

Seriously she does not sound like a friend at all, a proper friend would have been supportive of you and happy for you. She sounds unhappy with herself and like she is trying to drag you down at any opportunity. I think your husband can see his brother without you and her there more often. It's your birthday, you ront have to spend it with someone that's horrible to you just because your husband wants to hang out as a 4 word his brother

woollyheart · 08/04/2019 15:15

It's in the Mirror!

Foodylicious · 08/04/2019 15:25

Just double checking you dont actually have a massive DH problem.

Is there a chance that he has exaggerated and its him that is uncomfortable with your skirt/new look/refound confidence???

BlessedBeTheFruitCake · 08/04/2019 15:28

If sil really does feel like a potato next to you wearing something else wont make any difference, surely? You're not suddenly going to look a size 30 just because you don't wear that skirt, therefore you may as well wear want you want and be happy about it.

ErrmWTAF · 08/04/2019 15:28

Is your SIL's name Diana Moon Glampers, by any chance?

Wear the damned skirt. :)

Mumsymumphy · 08/04/2019 15:31

You wear that goddamn skirt girl!

cloudymelonade · 08/04/2019 15:32

Go in a pink velour tracksuit, see which they'd prefer then.

Cryalot2 · 08/04/2019 15:33

Tell your Dh he should be proud of you and support you and not give in to what seems a very jealous sil.
Congratulations at weight loss and a very happy birthday.
It's your birthday and enjoy.

MissLadyM · 08/04/2019 15:33

Well done! She's jealous. Wear what the fuck you want and enjoy your hard work!

AryaStarkWolf · 08/04/2019 15:35

You're not unreasonable to want to wear the skirt (although I do t think it sounds very nice). You do sound bitchy in the way you speak about her though. It seems that you've got a very short memory and you've forgotten that you were very overweight not too long ago!! So your dismissive attitude to her weight struggles come across a bit... Mean.

Is it possible the skirt just really isn't appropriate / doesn't look as good as you think it does and they're trying to tell you not to wear it in a nice way without knocking your new found abundance of confidence?

hahaha and you said the OP sounded mean? meow

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