Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I should be able to wear whatever I damn well want?!

318 replies

Zebby25 · 08/04/2019 09:52

I have no issue being told IABU if I am. So please flame away if I am being inconsiderate and a “bit of a bitch” as my husband seems to think!

DH and I have been together for 14 years, since we were 16. Married for 10 years. We have 3 children.
I had our DC between the ages 22 and 27. During this time I gained a lot of weight (to the tune of almost 7 stones... size 10 up to an 18). Bad habits, not enough exercise, not enough healthy food. Etc.
After I had DC3 I said I was really going to do it this time and lose all of the weight I had gained (much eye rolling from family and friends). And I did. I joined slimming world online, got a gym membership, swim pass, exercise DVDs, some cheap secondhand home equipment... and I worked my arse off for 2 years.
My SIL (husbands brothers wife) is in a similar position to me. Been with DH for almost as long as us, 3 kids, same age as me... she also gained a lot of weight in her 20s - not quite as much as me, but a significant amount.
We spend a lot of time together as couples because DH and his bro are best friends. This Saturday just gone SIL and I went clothes shopping - my dad gave me some money for my birthday and we are going out to celebrate my birthday this Friday, so I want a new outfit. I bought a black leather-look high-waisted mini skirt to wear with clothes I already have ( including black tights - Varicose veins won’t allow for bare legs 😂)
It’s a lovely skirt and I’m really excited to wear it. It’s been a LONG time since I’ve felt comfortable in something other than maternity leggings!
SIL has complained to her DH about this skirt and says she will feel “like a potato” if I wear that and she has to stand beside me all night, and has even threatened not to come out with us. OVER A SKIRT. 🙄
Her DH has spoken to my DH, and DH has told me I really ought to wear something else. Shock
My SIL has complained about her weight since she had her last baby 4 years ago. I asked her to join the gym with me. And she did, but always made an excuse not to come. I have let her borrow workout DVDs (she asked if she could, I didn’t force them on her) which she admits she hasn’t used. I told her about slimming world and she says she wouldn’t stick to it. She likes to eat and drink whatever she likes.
Well that’s absolutely fine, do that - but don’t then dictate to me what I’m allowed to wear because you feel bad about yourself?!
I have dragged myself out of bed 5 mornings a week 2 hours before everyone else to work out, shower and have breakfast before the day “started”. Meal prepped every Sunday. Learned the syns of every snack and meal going. Made fakeaways in place of takeaways. Turned down donuts with tears in my eyes. Been tee-bloody-total!....
I am now down to a size 8/10. Not at urgent risk of diabetes anymore. My knees and back don’t hurt anymore. I can get upstairs without being out of breath.
I have worked really f*ing hard to be healthy and it’s worked and I’m finally confident and happy with myself. And proud. I feel like my old self again - finally!
I should be able to wear my new skirt on MY birthday?!?!
DH says I can wear it “next time” we go out (which may not be for another 6 months knowing us!) and thinks I should spare SILs feelings because I know how it feels to be overweight and unconfident. Yes, I did, so I bloody well did something about it! I didn’t down pints of Stella and glasses of wine and takeaways every weekend! I exercised! I had self control! And it wasn’t easy by any means.

I’m sorry if I’m coming off as a bitch, I’m really not. But I’m a 30 year old woman who has worked extremely hard to better herself, I should be able to wear what i like without it causing a row with my husband and a family rift. Not because I’m a “show off” as hubby says, but because I’ve bloody earned it!
AIBU?? Am I being an inconsiderate bitch or am I right here?

OP posts:
headinhands · 08/04/2019 13:04

That's bizarre that she has brought it up with her dh, and her dh has spoken to yours. Is she usually quite controlling about what other people do?

gamerchick · 08/04/2019 13:04

Go and buy something even more figure hugging and super cool. Then its a win win situation. You were sensitive to her feelings and still looked a million dollars

Must admit this was my first thought.

OP please don't give in. You'll be attending your own birthday with your SIL having to approve you first. Tell your bloke to fuck off if he can't be supportive. He should be proud of you, not make you give way to someone else. Her self esteem is not your problem.

AryaStarkWolf · 08/04/2019 13:04

Oh OK after reading your latest post, any sympathy I did have for her is gone. She can fuck off

gamerchick · 08/04/2019 13:05

In fact I'd be uninviting her completely. Fuck pretending to like someone just because they're family.

TooBusyHavingFun · 08/04/2019 13:06

I wouldn't wear it... id choose a bodycon dress that showed off every inch of my body just to really rub it in

^This! or wear the skirt, what a CF!

Well done on losing all the weight!

Isitweekendyet · 08/04/2019 13:07

DONT WEAR THE SKIRT

WEAR A BODY CON DRESS

OR JUST YOUR PANTS AND BRA

Cheeky bitch.

GooodMythicalMorning · 08/04/2019 13:09

well done!!! from personal experience people get very bitchy and jealous when you lose weight but thats their problem not yours. wear what you want and be proud! Tell your husband the same as what you wrote, if he doesnt understand he's being a fool. go for it.

FizzyGreenWater · 08/04/2019 13:12

Your update - it's high time to have a sit down chat with your DH and explain that things need a bit of a reshuffle. In a nutshell: just because they're brothers and close doesn't mean that you and SIL have to be, you've done your best for a LONG while and the cracks are showing because, to cut to hte chase, she's a bit of a twat. His choices? Either box clever and support you in hitting a nice middel ground where you start avoiding her a bit but the peace gets kept, or you all fall out big time when she pushes it too far. She's almost done that now, so this is his early warning... he won't get another one!!!

Singerleon · 08/04/2019 13:14

My SIL has a fantastic figure after having kids but she works at being healthy. I would never begrudge her looking great on a night out. Sometimes it does make me feel a bit shit that I don’t look as good but that’s my issue not hers. Ignore your SIL and wear the skirt (or whatever else takes your fancy)

letsdolunch321 · 08/04/2019 13:14

What a CF she is, firstly congratulations on the weight loss💐you wear the skirt and sparkle.

You have bloody worked hard for this, now you can enjoy the reward of feeling and looking good.

DistanceCall · 08/04/2019 13:17

So it's not that she's fat. It's that she's used to being "the slim one" and now she can't stand the fact that you're thinner than her.

Fuck that for a game of soldiers. WEAR IT.

LittleChristmasMouse · 08/04/2019 13:17

Well done on what you've achieved OP.

Of course SIL and DH are being unreasonable. Your are slim. No matter what you wear you will look slim. What would they like you to wear that won't upset your SIL?

How would she feel if every time you go out you try to control what she eats or drinks because it's not fair to you?

These people do my head in. It's always one way - they think they can say or do what they like and the rest of the world has to fall in line.

hellsbellsmelons · 08/04/2019 13:18

Wow - she needs a seriously good talking to.
You cannot dictate what others wear because you feel fat.
So NO - don't wear the skirt.
This is in the sale.
Red so a stand out dress.
Wear this instead

kalinkafoxtrot45 · 08/04/2019 13:19

Wear the skirt, and screw what bitchy miseryguts SIL thinks. Nothing wrong with looking like a potato, but she’s eaten too many of those sour grapes. I say this as a fat woman myself.

TomorrowsDiet · 08/04/2019 13:24

Well done OP on your amazing weight loss!! You’ve inspired me to get my own arse into gear, as I’d love to feel fabulous in a new skirt.

In this situation, I would go and buy a fabulous fitted dress that shows off your figure (and get your DH to buy it for you!!). Then, on the night out, you can say that you’re saving your favourite skirt for another occasion haha

MrsWillGardner · 08/04/2019 13:26

WEAR THE SKIRT!!!

Cakemonger · 08/04/2019 13:26

You don't sound bitchy at all, you sound like a nice person who has made every effort to support and encourage your SIL despite her constant jealousy and sniping.

Please don't give in - you've worked too hard to let others stop you enjoying your moment. We can't spend life appeasing toxic people who'd rather keep us down than face their own problems.

Good luck!

PortiaFinis · 08/04/2019 13:28

You should definitely wear you skirt! And relish in looking amazing!

If you wanted to be kind you could always text her and say something along the lines of “I hear you’re not sure on the outfit you chose - you look amazing in it! Looking forward to seeing you!” and never, ever mention the skirt issue again because it is absolutely ridiculous to ask someone to change what they’re going to wear because of your own self-esteem issues.

If she chooses not to come that is on her.

Geminijes · 08/04/2019 13:28

Wear the skirt.

Go and celebrate your birthday with pride and confidence. You did the hard work, you can now reap the rewards. Not your fault your SIL is on the larger side and will feel uncomfortable next to you, it may spur her on to lose some weight.

AIBUtopickanyoldname · 08/04/2019 13:29

YWBU not to wear the skirt!

BambooB · 08/04/2019 13:29

So he doesn't want you to feel happy and confident on your birthday? Knob head.

Wear it, with a tight fitting top and thigh high boots. Enjoy it.

If you wanna really annoy him, wear sexy underwear, let him know you're wearing it and don't give it up once you get home.

Id do that but I'm petty.

Rockbird · 08/04/2019 13:32

I'm the same size as you were. I'm also your SIL in terms of effort! And I constantly feel bad about myself and how I look although clearly not enough to stop stuffing my face with crap Hmm.

Should you wear the skirt? Absobloodylutely! Wear it and be proud. You worked your arse off literally, and it's your birthday. Bollocks to being considerate!

RomanyQueen1 · 08/04/2019 13:32

it's your birthday, wear what you want and congratulations for working hard to remove your excess weight.
your dh should be encouraging you, not pandering to his sister.
Maybe it will spur her on to not look like a potato. Thanks

3timeslucky · 08/04/2019 13:37

You're not a bitch. (She's a bit mad!)

Your dh needs to tell them that he does not police your clothing or your body. And not engage further.

I can't come to terms with her thinking you shouldn't wear what you like. And thinking that she and her husband should ask your husband to control what you wear. Batshit crazy on so many levels!

GraceMarks · 08/04/2019 13:39

Right, well, after reading your update, I would just say that you should do an wear whatever the hell you please, and tell your DH that, while you understand why she might feel the way she does, that is not your responsibility and she is more than welcome to stay at home if she thinks that will spare her feelings.

It sounds like you've made more than your fair share of effort to be nice to her, and she has gone out of her way to be an arse. She clearly didn't want you to lose weight and be thinner than her, and she was hoping that her little digs at you would make you fall off the wagon. I'm all for trying to see things from other people's POVs, but there does come a point when it becomes clear that someone is obviously not very nice, regardless of their size.