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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I hate DH’s new look

175 replies

crumble82 · 07/04/2019 21:52

Went out with DH a couple of days ago with the DC, looking back at photos he has suddenly decided he’s going bald. He is thinning but nothing dramatic. Anyway last night he shaved his head, I told him I thought it was a bit of an over reaction and I preferred it before but didn’t make a big deal about it. This morning he wet shaved his head. He looks like a criminal skin head, it’s horrible. I can’t even look at him it just looks appalling. I told him I didn’t like it (no argument, just said I didn’t like it),but apparently I’m a twat!

AIBU to tell him I don’t like what he’s done to himself or does it make me controlling? Do I just leave it bearing in mind I’m actually embarrassed to be seen with him at the moment?!

OP posts:

U2HasTheEdge · 08/04/2019 11:53

So you will never have long hair and then go and have it cut short or dye your hair from dark to light or vice versa then?

I don't think that is really comparable to a wet shave.

If I woke up one morning and shaved my hair off I would expect my husband to be shocked and to not like it. There is a difference between going short and completely bald.

OP can't help how she feels.

Original poster

crumble82 · 08/04/2019 11:54

But raspberry, he can change it as he still has plenty of hair! It’s the bad haircut that I’m objecting to, not the fact that he’s thinning. As it turns out though he also said he got carried away with the wet shave so it’s not really an issue anymore.

OP posts:

InfiniteSheldon · 08/04/2019 11:58

Make him wear your judgy pants on his head and its problem solved.

Namechangingfiend · 08/04/2019 13:05

The same technique for a vampire facial can be done on the scalp to bring back hair regrowth and can be very successful.

happyhillock · 08/04/2019 13:12

My partner's bald, doesn't bother me, i love him with or without hair

jimmyhill · 08/04/2019 13:15

Balding looks silly. Bald is cool. Your DH should get a new DW to go with his new look.

FromDespairToHere · 08/04/2019 13:23

I get it, OP. My DP is thinning and completely shaves his head every now and then. I hate it. He knows I don't like it but it's his hair so that's fine. I'm allowed an opinion though!

Exactly the same as he likes me with long hair but I rarely get it to my shoulders before I get sick of it and get a short bob. He hates that and he's entitled to his opinion.

OP didn't say she was going to divorce him over it ffs!

Fannyhat · 08/04/2019 13:40

I don't agree with the 'criminal' comment, but I completely understand your upset. As shallow as it is I really find bald heads unattractive, it may even be my biggest physical turn off, even worse when it is intentionally shaved - you can tell the difference! It must also be a massive shock to see such a drastic, sudden change.

DP has a great head of hair but his dad is bald, it's a running joke I'll leave him once his hair goes but it really does worry me about how much I'll fancy him . Hoping it skips a generation.

MitziK · 08/04/2019 13:41

DON'T offer to buy Regaine or pay for any treatments. If he wants to try them, fine, but offering is like saying to you just after having a baby 'I'll pay for you to have a tummy tuck and get your boobs perked up a bit'.

He needs to know you still love and find him attractive whether he's got a full on metalhead's flowing mane, a crop or is shiny as a cue ball.

I started losing clumps of hair due to Psoriasis and medication to treat Psoriatic arthritis a few years back. I looked positively threadbare. DP didn't care what I looked like, he understood - and when I asked him to get rid of it because I hated the itching and burning, he carefully clipped the back for me, suggesting that I waited to see whether that helped first. Had he told me he didn't like it short and I should get a wig or stop taking medication, that would have really, really hurt.

Hats are good, though. They stop sunburn, getting cold, skin cancer and don't have to be godawful baseball caps. you can tell him that sunburn on his scalp isn't fun and, when he gets a hat, be really positive about it. If he's feeling comfortable about wearing a hat, it's more likely that he'll feel comfortable enough to let the back grow again. Which is a win-win; he feels happier, you have time to adjust to seeing him change.

Cocolepew · 08/04/2019 13:42

My DH has a lot of hair but has always shaved it, currently number 1 at the sides and back and number 2 on top. I've never known him without shaved hair
When he was younger he had a number one all over but one day wet shaved it. It was bloody awful looking. Hes a very angular face and a bumpy head, he really didn't suit it.
I currently have a number 2 all over to cut out my dye. I look ok because I have a big, round moon face

MitziK · 08/04/2019 13:43

The threat of leaving for something a man cannot change is unspeakably cruel, though. Perhaps he should say he'll leave if your tits start sagging or you get cancer, just as a joke, you understand?

Original poster

crumble82 · 08/04/2019 13:56

Ummm mitziK when did I ever threaten to leave him?! If you’re going to post rtft.

OP posts:

MitziK · 08/04/2019 14:02

I did read the whole thread. If you had, presumably you would have seen the poster just above me who said she 'joked' with her husband that she'd leave him if he lost his hair - and used a puking emoji to refer to the idea.

I did, however, omit to tag the poster concerned.

Original poster

crumble82 · 08/04/2019 14:04

Ok, sorry MitziK, my mistake

OP posts:

MitziK · 08/04/2019 15:14

@crumble82, no worries - but I do feel very strongly about how cruel women can be to men about something that is in no way their fault. We rip apart those who say their wives are too fat/old/look like they've had children when they have/don't dress right/get ill, but then some say such cruel things as that poster did about something a man simply cannot and should not be expected to change.

Give the guy a break.

Fannyhat · 08/04/2019 15:32

If it's me you're referring to @MitziK it wasn't a puking emoji, its a blush. And me joking with my DP who I will very much willingly stay with regardless of his hairline genetics is very different to joking about him leaving me if I developed cancer?!! FYI he says the same to me (and I have stress related alopecia!) but you know, god forbid we have lighthearted banter with each other

EnidButton · 08/04/2019 16:07

crumble did he post a pic of he's newly shaved head on Instagram yesterday?

cottagepieindustry · 08/04/2019 16:18

With the hashtag #shavedhead?

Original poster

crumble82 · 08/04/2019 17:22

He’s not on Instagram so doubt it was him!

OP posts:

EnidButton · 08/04/2019 17:38

Ah well you can comfort yourself with knowledge that someone else decided to go completely smooth headed yesterday. I wonder what his wife thinks of his?

EnidButton · 08/04/2019 17:40

Cottagepie I think it was!

Original poster

crumble82 · 08/04/2019 17:48

Oh god, I want to see. Can you post a picture?!

OP posts:

ThreadKillerSleepsInACoil · 10/04/2019 22:01

Sadly, it wasn't my boss

Just wanted to say that just because someone has thinning hair or a bald spot, it doesn't mean that they will end up completely bald! It's not necessarily a 'well they'll inevitably look like this so get used to it' situation! A wet shave is pretty drastic, as the OPs DH has realised.

Nowhyshouldi · 16/10/2023 21:16

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

echt · 16/10/2023 21:38

I can sort of see where the OP is coming from, though her DH's choices are his.

When I see the shaved head (and beard) on a younger man I think Andrew Tate wannabe. He's tainted a perfectly reasonable fashion option. I'm aware he's not yet a criminal, but is guilty of being an outrageous misogynist.

Disclaimer, my late DH had Number 2 when we met and a number 1 in later years, for balding reasons. He looked great, and evidently women (and quite few men) thought so too.

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