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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I hate DH’s new look

175 replies

crumble82 · 07/04/2019 21:52

Went out with DH a couple of days ago with the DC, looking back at photos he has suddenly decided he’s going bald. He is thinning but nothing dramatic. Anyway last night he shaved his head, I told him I thought it was a bit of an over reaction and I preferred it before but didn’t make a big deal about it. This morning he wet shaved his head. He looks like a criminal skin head, it’s horrible. I can’t even look at him it just looks appalling. I told him I didn’t like it (no argument, just said I didn’t like it),but apparently I’m a twat!

AIBU to tell him I don’t like what he’s done to himself or does it make me controlling? Do I just leave it bearing in mind I’m actually embarrassed to be seen with him at the moment?!

OP posts:
Original poster
crumble82 · 07/04/2019 22:25

Yes! He is now uncle Fester, I knew he reminded me of someone Grin I can’t decide if that makes me feel better or worse!

OP posts:
Thisnamechanger · 07/04/2019 22:27

He looks like a criminal skin head, it’s horrible. I can’t even look at him it just looks appalling

Don't ever say this around anyone who has/has had cancer will you!!

Betty777 · 07/04/2019 22:28

heehee I was the opposite - encouraged my DH to do it. He actually looks younger (and slightly cooler) without the awful old man 'bald only on top' look it was turning into

His mother still says he looks like a criminal though

Original poster
crumble82 · 07/04/2019 22:30

Thanks for the advice thisnamechanger, we’re talking about very different scenarios here though and as my DF died of cancer (and went completely bald) last year then obviously I wouldn’t even try and compare the two.

OP posts:
alittlesnow · 07/04/2019 22:31

@Wearywithteens

I know what you mean OP - my DH decided to ‘save’ on haircuts and bought one of those Argos hair clipper sets when my DS was little. Cheap, easy, no nits! What’s not to like? I look back at the family photos now and they truly looked like a pair of EDF members. They are both embarrassed about how thuggy they looked! YANBU.

Do you mean EDL?!!! Grin

Or did they look like they work for an energy company?

I used to read that's life and take a break magazines, and EVERY WEEK, there was a (real life) story, where a woman was having an affair with - or in a relationship with - a man with a blue collar job, and was a bit 'rough and ready/rugged,' and they ALWAYS said he had a 'sexy shaved head.'

Made me LOL, not least because there is nothing sexy about it IMO, and because they said it so often. I am also a fan of a man with hair on his head, and if it starts to thin, then make it shorter, (to suit,) but shaving it right down to a No 1. Doesn't suit many men. My DH would not great with it. He says this himself too. Luckily, even in his middle age, he has lost very little hair off his head!

Oh and YANBU OP.

Babygrey7 · 07/04/2019 22:31

Wetshave head is a shock!

I am with you OP

I hated it when DH did it (once), and he would hate it if I did it to myself Grin

Goose, gander...

How would your DH react if you got a mega short cut?

ConkerGame · 07/04/2019 22:34

OP I totally sympathise! My DP has a lovely head of hair about 50% of the time but every six weeks gets it nearly all cut off and I hate it!! He looks like a right wing extremist gang member and I just don’t understand why he likes it! Luckily it does grow back quite quickly but I’m always embarrassed to be seen with him for the first couple of days after each cut. He knows how much I hate it so it does annoy me. And no, I wouldn’t be annoyed if he told me he didn’t like a particular haircut / outfit etc of mine - we all have preferences!

Echobelly · 07/04/2019 22:34

I think a new look can be a shock, so sometimes it's best to keep quiet to be sure you're not just a bit taken aback, but I can see it might be hard to keep it to yourself. I'd give it a little longer to see if you can adjust, or see if you like it when he's got a little more 'coverage' and maybe say 'I prefer it when you have it very short rather than totally shaved', ie put it positive rather than negative?

AwdBovril · 07/04/2019 22:36

You're absolutely entitled to have a preference. YWBU to try to enforce it on him, but it doesn't sound like this what you're doing. Would he rather you never told him if you liked / didn't like any changes he made? How would he feel if he was never allowed to expression any opinions on your appearance? An opinion is just an opinion- you are not trying to tell him what to do, clearly.

qazxc · 07/04/2019 22:37

Give it a week or so. It may just be the extreme change that you find jarring, or he might decide that regularly wet shaving his head is too much bother.
I wouldn't comment on it unless asked and then be as diplomatic as possible.
There is nothing else you can do about this, it's his choice what he does with his hair.

Wearywithteens · 07/04/2019 22:40

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

Charley50 · 07/04/2019 22:41

😂 Maybe you should call Prevent OP.

U2HasTheEdge · 07/04/2019 22:41

I would hate it if my DH shaved his head. It is not a look I like. I know that he may go bald one day (mind you his dad is doing well in that department) but if he shaved it all off I would be shocked and wouldn't find it particularly attractive .

I would also tell him I don't like it and he knows I prefer his hair a bit longer. I wouldn't mind if my husband told me he prefers my hair a curtain way either.

Asta19 · 07/04/2019 22:42

Tbh I agree with you OP. Not necessarily that it make men look like criminals but just how horrible the extremity of it is. I hate completely shaved off. I don't want to see a man's skull. It's probably my biggest turn off and people can say it's controlling or shallow but if I was with someone and they did that then I would not find them attractive at all. I'm happy to make certain concessions to be attractive to my partner and would like the sane courtesy. I don't see anything wrong in that.

gruffaloschildgonewild · 07/04/2019 22:42

I don't think YBU. You have to look at him all the time and you have told him that you don't like a shiny head. Being naturally bald is different to it. In my country if somebody does that people playfully smack on the head as it asks for it. But on the plus side it's good for drumming..all that smooth shiny surface. Just have fun with it while it lasts Grin

SneakyGremlins · 07/04/2019 22:44

but he’s seeing a couple of friends tomorrow and I just have to hope they laugh enough to convince him to at least let it get stubbly

[hmmm]

visitorthedog · 07/04/2019 22:44

Would a pinkie ring take the emphasis off the bald head, OP? Grin

I hate DH’s new look
gruffaloschildgonewild · 07/04/2019 22:44

and you are right, it doesn't look nice as it shows all the lumps and bumps of the skull. Not particularly attractive.

Hanab · 07/04/2019 22:47

OP you are not being Unreasonable .. you have a preference of men with hair and he made a decision not to have any .. you are very entitled to your opinion in my humble opinion🌷
We as couples don’t HAVE to accept or support every single decision our significant other makes. We have a brain & feelings and by jove we are entitled to use it!

That said .. you are not asking him to grow it back nore threatening to leave .. what’s the problem??

Lemonsquinky · 07/04/2019 22:47

Get him to grow a goatee and wear a black hat and glasses.Grin
It's only hair, it will grow back.

EngagedAgain · 07/04/2019 22:49

Not rtft but from the first ones the general consensus seems to be yabu op. I'm going against the grain and saying I get what you mean. There's nothing wrong with someone having a shaved head if it suits them and I think maybe op's husband don't. It could be with a bit of a tan will rectify it, maybe it's too stark at the moment, but a bald head or close cropped don't suit everyone.

Order654 · 07/04/2019 22:53

I wouldn’t be happy if ex partner shaved his hair off. I would of said a lot more then you did.

My current bf actually said in passing he was thinking of shaving his hair off and what did I think. I just said I’d prefer it if you didn’t and he said he wouldn’t. Sorted.

NannyRed · 07/04/2019 22:58

Try asking yourself, how would you feel if dh said he was embarrassed because you’ve gained weight/stopped wearing make-up or not been doing your hair like you did before you had kids?

You’d say he was a twat and looks really don’t matter!

Because that’s the truth.

littledoll33 · 07/04/2019 23:04

The 2 scenarios are not even remotely the same @NannyRed

Morticiaismymumgoal · 07/04/2019 23:04

My DH looks like a criminal skinhead, he's skinned his head since before we met and he was 20 then. He's a big bloke and he has tattoos too. We're even working class. But don't worry, he won't rob you or murder you, he's actually a nice man. Who works really hard for a low salary. He doesn't watch football or go around being a hooligan. He breaks into people's houses all the time, he slides their locks with little plastic sheet things but they're usually old people who have locked themselves out.
I hope your DH is very happy with someone who judges him and is ashamed to be seen with him because of his looks, lots of my DH's friends have done the same over the last 20 years when they've been losing hair, found bald patches etc as a defence thing 'it's going to happen and I'm embarrassed so I'll make it a choice' mentality. Most have grown back hair and now use clippers on the lower settings but it can be a defensive thing. They always come to him because they know he knows how best to do it/ maintain it. Some hate it but it's done then, it can only grow back. But I probably just know a load of criminals, so ignore me.

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