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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I hate DH’s new look

175 replies

crumble82 · 07/04/2019 21:52

Went out with DH a couple of days ago with the DC, looking back at photos he has suddenly decided he’s going bald. He is thinning but nothing dramatic. Anyway last night he shaved his head, I told him I thought it was a bit of an over reaction and I preferred it before but didn’t make a big deal about it. This morning he wet shaved his head. He looks like a criminal skin head, it’s horrible. I can’t even look at him it just looks appalling. I told him I didn’t like it (no argument, just said I didn’t like it),but apparently I’m a twat!

AIBU to tell him I don’t like what he’s done to himself or does it make me controlling? Do I just leave it bearing in mind I’m actually embarrassed to be seen with him at the moment?!

OP posts:

echt · 08/04/2019 05:00

It's his body. End of.

echt · 08/04/2019 05:02

Hang on, let me think of the fat baby bodies/gained weight/whatever threads that universally say back off DH/DP etc.

Same.

FlopsyMopsyRabbit · 08/04/2019 05:16

My DP shaved his head, I didn't like it but I would NEVER have told him! Can you imagine if this was the other way round and you had a big haircut and your DP told you he didn't like it. You'd feel rubbish, I think it's unkind that you told him

strathmore · 08/04/2019 05:47

My DH shaved his head at about 45 -I hated it but didn't say so. He then let it grow back to a short buzz crop.

At 51 he has cancer and so has shaved his head again as has lost most. I say nothing and am thankful that he is still alive.

floribunda18 · 08/04/2019 05:50

You'd feel rubbish, I think it's unkind that you told him

I wouldn't feel rubbish, as my self-esteem doesn't turn on what DH thinks of my hair.

jameswong · 08/04/2019 06:09

Awkward question. Is your husband out of shape? If so, tell him to hit the weights and cut down on the grub. He'll look better bald that way.

Sleephead1 · 08/04/2019 06:20

oh god I once saw a picture of my husband with a shaved head it honestly looked terrible. I mean I think it suits very few people anyway but he looked awful I told him I really didn't like it. Now a shaved head is one thing but a wet shave is extreme and really doesn't suit many people. Obviously if people go bald that's different. I think it's natural to have a preference say your husband was 10 stone when you met him and now he's 20 stone it doesn't mean you don't love him but you might not be as attracted to him. I think this is similar your not saying you are leaving him or forcing him to grow it in but you can have a preference

Eliza9919 · 08/04/2019 06:23

So all skinheads are criminals?

You need to adjust your attitude. In fact don't, and I hope your DH leaves you for a younger/prettier model.

BartholinsSister · 08/04/2019 06:24

He's probably just getting it ready to be tattood, relax!

exLtEveDallas · 08/04/2019 06:25

DH has started going thin at the crown. He hadn't realised until his last haircut. He came home quite upset and said to me "why didn't you tell me?" I replied that I hadn't really noticed (I had) and that I didn't think it was an issue (I still don't).

He asked if he should shave the lot off (his hair is really short anyway - No1 at the back and sides, No2 on top) and I said "God no, you'd look ridiculous with a tanned face and white top, like a bloody Guinness" He laughed and said "I guess you're right" and that was the end of it.

Someone who is noticeably receeding and has a 'proper' bald spot will look better and more natural with a shaved head because the head tans naturally with the face and neck. Someone (like OPs DH) who is just thinning will look really odd for a while until the head catches up.

Hopefully it will look better in a week or so OP.

ukgift2016 · 08/04/2019 06:25

My boyfriend bald and only in his early 30s. He was losing his hair and thought it was looking stupid so shaved it all off.

I met him when he was bald so I don't know how bad his hair really was...but it does suit him. Sucks for men losing hair.

TakenForSlanted · 08/04/2019 06:48

It depends, doesn't it?

My XH used to shave his head (went bald in his 20s). He was also very over weight and had a rather "rough estate" sense of dress. I hated it.

OTOH, one of my bosses rocks the look. He's normal weight and not exactly the best dresser either, but it really does suit his face. Definitely one of the more attractive ones among my male colleagues.

Autumn101 · 08/04/2019 06:56

Once it gets a bit of tan to even up the color it won’t seem so drastic.

DH has been bald since early 20s, nearly 40 now and when I see photos of him with hair it looks so odd!

I can also assure you he doesn’t look remotely like a criminal 🙄

Saracen · 08/04/2019 07:02

Well, it was a shock for you, but he is going through a rough time and there is no easy solution for him. It's his hair, his head, and you'll have to put up with it.

You've already said all that you reasonably can without risk of being rude to him. I think you'll have to bite your tongue and hope that he changes his mind or that you get used to it. He may decide he can't be bothered to maintain it. In his place, I don't think I'd have the energy to keep shaving my head several times a week if I felt there were other options.

AuntieCJ · 08/04/2019 07:09

I get it, OP. I always think "thug" when I see a shaven head. Not true, I know, but that's my reaction.

I would hate it if my DH did it.

Loopytiles · 08/04/2019 07:11

Fine to have and express a negative opinion, as long as you don’t go on about it!

fluorescentorange · 08/04/2019 07:11

Yeah, I think he’s right!!

Imicola · 08/04/2019 07:19

It makes you controlling. How would you feel if he tried to tell you what to do with your hair?

Loopytiles · 08/04/2019 07:24

Not controlling to express a negative opinion.

Amanduh · 08/04/2019 07:32

I love a shaved head personally. You are entitled to not like it, but that’s it. You’re bring nasty. Funny the difference in posters opinions to this when a woman says a man doesn't like her having short hair. Massive double standards. You are being u.

MitziK · 08/04/2019 07:35

And some of the comments on this thread are exactly why DP considered suicide at the age of 22 when he finally shaved off the last bits of his hair.

Mummyoflittledragon · 08/04/2019 07:36

Dhs friend lost most of his hair quite young as did one of my relatives. They both shave their heads and look good. Dh would look horrendous with a bald head - you have to have the right head shape to pull it off. I am wondering if your dh doesn’t want to lose his hair as this is an extreme reaction. There are now products on the market, which genuinely work for a lot of men but not guaranteed. They’re very expensive though.

HumptyNumptyNooNoo · 08/04/2019 07:37

For solidarity why don't you shave yours too ?

Springwalk · 08/04/2019 07:41

You have my sympathy op. I would hate that too.

I would encourage him to grow it back. Or buy a wig

Original poster

crumble82 · 08/04/2019 07:50

For the people that are asking, yes he is a bit overweight, he also has quite a small head in proportion to the rest of his body so it just looks really strange.

For others who think I’ve been horrid to him about it and think it’s the end of our marriage, we slept in the same bed last night and he’s just brought me a cup of tea...nothing more has been said.

In the same way that some posters say things on here that they would never say in real life, I have also saved most of my opinions on his hair (or lack of) for mumsnet!

Anyway it’s done now so as others have said I’m just going to be really effusive about the stubbly look and hope he gets bored of wet shaving. It took him ages yesterday.

OP posts:

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