Other parents & my house rules (sort of lighthearted)

[lyralalala]

Don't you just love it when other parents decide your rules don't apply to their child?

We're having a sleepover in the holidays for my twin girls birthday. As there is a mix of kids coming of 15, 16 and 17 (the joys of a small village means their mates are a mix of age) I've made clear two rules. If folks don't want to play by the rules then they can either not come, or can leave when some other folks are leaving (the ones that don't want to stay or can't stay because of things on the next morning).

After midnight phones go onto the kitchen counter for charging/to be left. There's 10 of them crashing in the living room, mixed group, so I'm sticking to the sleepover rule of 'no phones' that I've always had.

Secondly although they are allowed the occasional drink I've said they can have 3/4 beers or ciders each max. Cans or bottles only (can't be mixed with anything). No spirits. No huge bottles of anything. It's the same rule I've had for parties since my DS was old enough to have a couple of drinks.

One Mum has decided "I've told her she can keep her phone as she is worried she might want picked up". Erm, no. They can access their phones by going into the kitchen, but no phones in the sleeping area after midnight.

Another has announced that her 16yo prefers vodka and coke so she'll just send her with a premixed bottle. Erm, again, nope. No spirits, and certainly no massive bottles of anything that could have sodding anything in.

It's fair enough to decide your child is not allowed to do something (there's a couple coming that are not allowed to drink and that I understand and support) at someone's house, but not that they are allowed to do something the hosting parent has said no too!

I'll have a look at the premixed vodka and coke. I didn't realise that was a thing or I'd have considered it before. If that was what had been suggested I'd have thought about it, but the suggestion was a bottle of coke with vodka poured into it so I wasn't happy with that.

Shall go look.

Thanks!

Agree with coblett36 and amirightoramiameringue.

I imagined you were somewhere rural where there is not a lot to do. I went to parties like this at friend's houses in the countryside. There was one with a family every year, they found a formula that worked. Lovely memories indeed.

You rules sound perfectly reasonable to me, bet the kids will have a great time. Other parents should abide by your rules though as it is your house. They can say no alcohol but cannot try to bend/change your rules - very rude imo.

Who are these delicate young adults who need to text their parents to be rescued from a sleepover?

I don't think it's because they can't cope , it's more if things get out of hand and they feel uncomfortable with the situation and know it's not right.

How about buying a sofa stream and flavours like a regular parent?
OK to get pissed kids but you can't text and tell anyone!!

My DCs are now a little bit older but I think your rules are sensible.

We have had the incident when a party attendee was drinking neat vodka. He was not normally allowed to drink by his parents and claimed to be drinking water until he keeled over and threw up all over our downstairs toilet (then verbally abused older DD, threw up over DH). Eventually he collapsed and an ambulance had to be called along with his DF who had a go at DH until he realised that his DS was the only one in a state.

No word of thanks or apology from either and the lad has not been allowed back.

If I didn't trust my kids with phones after midnight, I sure as hell wouldn't trust them drinking alcohol. For me it's the principle of it. You can allow them to drink alcohol, but search their bags invading their privacy and tell them what they can and can't do with their own phones? Either you treat them like older teens and give them a bit of freedom, or like children and don't let them drink alcohol. Your rules seem contradictory.

Maybe the op is afraid of the dc becoming gremlins if they use a phone after midnight?

Maybe the op is afraid of the dc becoming gremlins if they use a phone after midnight?

That would be vaguely funny if I hadn't already said multiple times that they can use their phones freely, they just can't take them into the room that people might be asleep in.

Your rules for 15/16/17 year olds at a sleepover are a bit odd IMO. No phones and they can drink only the drinks you allow them to?

Why not allow 25ml spirits (you measure out) which equates to 1 unit the same as a beer. 3 beers or 3x25ml spirits?

My ds recently turned 16 and is not at all interested in drinking. All of his friends do ( at parties ) and I've told him I've not got a problem with him having a little drink as I was in the clubs of Liverpool at his age.

He went to a party last night and ended up talking to the girls mum in the kitchen and looking after everyone. Initially he was teased for not drinking but has stuck to his guns and everyone respects his decision.

I wouldn't be happy if he had to leave his phone in a kitchen where alcohol was not a problem. It's quite bizarre.
I think allowing drinking in the house with underage teens is a recipe for disaster to be honest after the stories I've been told by my ds ( friends receiving oral sex in the bathroom/garden and worse ) and it always involves the ones who are pissed.

I wouldn't want that responsibility to be honest.

I think allowing drinking in the house with underage teens is a recipe for disaster to be honest after the stories I've been told by my ds ( friends receiving oral sex in the bathroom/garden and worse ) and it always involves the ones who are pissed.

I think allowing them to get pissed is a recipe for disaster. It's one of the reasons I am so strict on it. They're allowed a drink, but nobody is allowed to get hammered. So far there's never been any issues (bar one lad giving a non-drinker his drink, but that brought the party to an end and in some ways helped in the long run as the kids realised after that I will put a stop to a party and ban anyone who breaks the rules).

I wouldn't want that responsibility to be honest.

I think that's why I'm so annoyed at the 'I'll give her a bottle of coke with some vodka in' Mum. My DDs asked for the party so I sat down and worked out what my lines/limits were and the other kids were invited on that basis. They didn't have to come.
If I'm taking responsibility for it I don't want someone consuming unknown amounts of vodka.

I'm just glad the girls are twins and I only have to deal with this age range once instead of one after the other quickly (although do have younger kids so will have to do it all again at some point in the future).

they can drink only the drinks you allow them to?

The reason for the cans/bottles thing is that it's been much easier to control single serve drinks rather than bottles of drinks and mixers around.

Now I know you can get vodka/coke type cans I'll look into them.

Party rules sound great and definitely something I will bear in mind next time dd15 begs for a party. Because of her hobby she has a mixed group of friends aged between 14-18 and they are all a great bunch of teenagers.

I have no issues of older teens drinking sensibly ( not something 15 year old me did ) and like you would be more worried about Snapchat (I truly hate that app)

As pp mentioned pre mixed supermarket cans and a good idea and less alcoholic than a bottle of kopperburg in some cases. Dd and friends are sensible with it as they don't sneak around to drink. No problem with her having 2 or 3 ciders or wkds at a party.

Either be a cool mum throwing a cool party and take a massive chill pill or don't bother! Too many rules and regulations, it's one night of fun, not boarding school!

(More in relation to the phone rules, than the alcohol rules. 3 to 4 drinks is excessive for underage children and you're opening yourself up to nonsense, yet you don't want them disturbing each other or taking selfies after midnight?

Gosh so many people not reading the posts probably

Christ op talk about having to repeat yourself! Do you feel like a 🐦

Why are so many people having a problem with young people putting their phonew away at night?

Your house, your rules. I never allowed any form of house party, so I don't know what I would've done about drink, phones etc. But I do know that if I had laid down some rules, and parents sought to stretch those rules, I would've been furious. However unreasonable they may think you are, you can do as you like in your own house and they can have different rules when the party takes place at theirs.

Your rules are very sensible. My DCs are a lot younger but I will remember your points about phone usage, very helpful. The other parent is BU but maybe a premixed drink from a supermarket is an acceptable compromise.

Why alcohol but no phones ?

Are any friends actually planning on attending? I can't imagine 17 year old DD or any of her friends wanting to go with such a weird set up and they are quite a goody two shoes group.

You’re very patient, OP. It’s clear that you are experienced in this kind of party and have thought out your rules based on that experience.

What a shame some parents can’t deal with that —and a lot of posters can’t read—.