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Original poster

All natural birth?

565 replies

TerribleTwosPhase · 07/04/2019 11:08

Ok first time posting on AIBU so putting my hard hat on for this one...
Do you genuinely believe that having a baby with no pain relief/intervention or anything makes it a superior birth to someone who hasn't?
Before I had DD I was quite relaxed about my birth plan, didn't want any pain relief or anything if I could manage it, but wasn't against it. In the end after 3 days of labour with a back to back baby and not progressing I had to have an epidural. Fine that's what needed to happen to safely deliver my baby, and as my body was starting to have issues it was the safest way of processing for us both if I needed an emergency c section. I have no issues with this and understand it's just what had to happen, not my ideal birth but we are both happy and healthy so that's all that matters.
Woman on my Facebook has just announced her babies birth with the line " total natural birth, I am a lioness!"
AIBU to think that this is a bit ridiculous, be proud of yourself fair enough, but do we really need to make people feel bad about how they gave birth? Do you secretly feel better about yourself knowing you done it with no pain relief?
I'm really not trying to be goady here please don't take it like that, but does the fact that everything went textbook for someone mean it's more noteworthy than for someone who didn't? I see so many women on here who are disappointed with their birth experiences and I think things like this surely can't help?

OP posts:
WittgensteinsBunny · 07/04/2019 19:54

I had a massive almost 10lb baby (first time) without pain relief; snap the second time round expect I did that at home. Do I feel superior to other women who had different birth experiences? No. I'm not a total dick. Do I feel proud? And did I feel like a lioness? Yes! But I imagine after TTC for a very long time, several miscarriages and y'know desperately wanting my own baby I would have felt immensely proud however my babies were born.

If I'm honest, I consider myself extraordinarily jammy. Induction and C Section sound much harder and therefore I consider those women to be much stronger than I am.

Let people have their proud moments. Be proud of your moments.

I had easy births and breastfeeding was all smooth sailing; my children refused to sleep and I was diagnosed with anxiety and PND which was a horrific time of suicidal ideation and deep, deep soul searching. I hope that makes you feel better if you don't like my birth stories?

Delatron · 07/04/2019 19:57

I think if you have an uncomplicated, reasonably quick birth then you are just lucky. You can feel proud obviously but all births are different. 40 hours of a back to back labour with no pain relief until forceps/episiotomy is a whole different story. I don’t think it’s to do with pain thresholds. Back to back labours are agony and being in agony for 40 hours versus 2 is a whole different ballgame.

Some people just get lucky but I don’t think it’s anything to boast about.

Marriedwithchildren5 · 07/04/2019 20:13

I never understand why people question that some people choose not to have any pain relief. I was very lucky to have 3 natural births. I was home within hours of giving birth. There are reasons people choose to avoid pain relief, its not about being a martyr or a lioness. Let her be proud, shes just given birth!

bourbonbiccy · 07/04/2019 20:19

I don't think somebody else's pride should have an effect of how you feel.

I only had gas and air and yes I felt incredible, extremely proud and probably a bit like a lioness. I don't participate in Facebook but if I did, I may have been inclined to shout from the roof tops how proud I was , but that would not have been to make anyone else feel lesser, it would just be to express how i felt.

JourneyofSelfImprovement · 07/04/2019 20:31

Nah makes no difference!

We all get the same medal at the end of it in the form of our new squishy baby Smile

For what it's worth I had a water birth with only gas and air - then needed a spinal after so my nether regions could be stitched back together. When I was told that I'd be getting the spinal block I did say to my husband, 'wish I'd had a fucking epidural hours ago now!' Grin

Nairobe · 07/04/2019 20:38

I'm not proud of having no pain relief, i begged for an epidural after 1 days labor but it was too late. I didn't feel empowered by the birth so much as shattered, ill and in agony.

I would love the chilled relaxing waterbirth with no intervention i had hoped for, if i get lucky to conceive another dc, but ill be asking for an epidural far earlier if it goes the same way as dc1s did.

Lifeover · 07/04/2019 20:44

She can claim what she wants but the difference between her birth and day an emergency crash c section under general is down to one word - luck.

Blondebombsite83 · 07/04/2019 20:50

A friend once sent me a picture of her friends baby born with no pain relief and she expected me to be impressed. I had an emergency c section and felt like a fucking warrior because I hadn’t died. I told her the same as I’d tell anyone who held up their birth as being superior ‘you don’t get a fucking medal however you do it. If you and baby are both alive then you’ve won’

PaulHollywoodsSexGut · 07/04/2019 20:50

Would I be super proud of myself for pushing out a baby with zero pain relief? Yes.

Would I be grandstanding about it on social media? No. Because I’m not a boasty twat.

We live in a day and age now where you just know that there are certain things you just do and don’t publish to basically be respoectful and polite to anyone reading who may (or also may now) have had a vastly different experience to you.

And trust me after 2 CS’ and one hideous surgically concluded m/c I’d be thunderstruck to the point of wanting to shout it from the rooftops. But I wouldn’t because I’m not a twat.

PaulHollywoodsSexGut · 07/04/2019 20:51

*may not

Woolly17 · 07/04/2019 20:54

Nope. Don't feel even a tiny bit superior to anyone else who's given birth. I'm in awe of the long birth stories. No matter how you give birth you're a super star.

I was insanely lucky that I had a fast uncomplicated birth with no pain relief (I had a water birth). I did not get on with gas and air so didn't use it. Honestly I was so prepared for a highly medicalised birth I was mostly just surprised.

Delatron · 07/04/2019 20:57

I think you are boasting about something that is down to luck and makes by other women who had a tough time feel crap. Yes we shouldn’t care but it does get annoying.

Scottishgirl85 · 07/04/2019 21:05

I just don't get this. It literally does not matter how the baby enters the world. All people should care about is that mum and baby are healthy. You can't compare births, if I'd given birth naturally both myself and my babies would be dead. Woman put pressure on themselves and each other and go through unnecessary pain just to say they had a natural birth. A week down the line nobody will give 2 hoots about their birth story, it just doesn't matter. There are no prizes for a drug free birth - fair enough if your body lets you and you choose that route. But please don't make others feel bad about it. I'm very proud of my 2 sections and healthy babies.

Butteredghost · 07/04/2019 21:05

OP, why do you ask this but also say you planned to avoid pain relief and while you were OK with having the epidural, it "wasn't your ideal". Why wasn't it? Why did you want an "all natural birth" yourself?

You've bought in to the exact same ideas as the women you are complaining about.

Fwiw my ideal birth is having every drug going, they can start the epidural when I'm 7 months along to minimise pregnancy discomfort as well. Actually it would preferably a cs under ga!

BertrandRussell · 07/04/2019 21:12

It does sound a bit as if the only people allowed to talk about their birth stories are people who’ve had lots of interventions.......

WallyTheWasher · 07/04/2019 21:12

TBF tho my ideal would’ve been to have no cuts no instruments manageable pain and a water birth rather than OP baby>induction>epidural>forceps which now means I’m permanently damaged Blush. But it’s outside your control what happens and OP babies are known to be hideously painful and I did think I was dying so I absolutely loved the anaesthetist

DrinkSangriaInThePark · 07/04/2019 21:20

you don’t get a fucking medal however you do it. If you and baby are both alive then you’ve won

Hear hear.

Now can you all stop describing your birth stories? Babies came out in the end.

Zerrin13 · 07/04/2019 21:21

I don't think this is about wether this woman should be proud of giving birth without pain relief or not? It's because she has decided to inform all and sundry on Facebook. Women have been giving birth for years and years. All births are different.
Some are easier than others. I don't care about other woman's birth stories. Ive had 3 very different births. Not one of them was remotely easy. Was I lioness? Yeah I suppose I was. Did I tell anyone I was a lioness? Of course I bloody didn't because women give birth everyday. Social media just gives people a platform to share utter drivel.

seeingdots · 07/04/2019 21:22

I only got pain relief right at the end, similar situation to others upthread. I would've given anything to get the G&A and certainly didn't feel like a smug lioness because I got that far without it.

FenellaMaxwell · 07/04/2019 21:23

@doIreallyneedto I think you’ll find I said it was bullshit that women are expected to give birth without pain relief. Not that it’s bullshit to choose to give birth without pain relief. Hmm And no, it doesn’t make you better than mothers who do choose pain relief. Which part of that did you feel it necessary to get pissy about exactly?

Marriedwithchildren5 · 07/04/2019 21:25

It does sound a bit as if the only people allowed to talk about their birth stories are people who’ve had lots of interventions.....

Ive noticed this aswell.

Walnutwhipster · 07/04/2019 21:27

Three totally natural births, the second being back to back. I am still amazed I survived them. They hurt like fuck and I would gladly have accepted any drugs offered but they were all precipitous labours and there wasn't time for pain relief.

doIreallyneedto · 07/04/2019 21:27

@Butteredghost - You've bought in to the exact same ideas as the women you are complaining about.

No she hasn't. She is perfectly entitled to have an ideal birth that she wished to attempt. Just because she didn't want an epidural doesn't mean she was judging or feeling superior to anyone else.

Fwiw my ideal birth is having every drug going, they can start the epidural when I'm 7 months along to minimise pregnancy discomfort as well. Actually it would preferably a cs under ga!

Your ideal birth is about as far from my ideal birth as it is possible to get. However, I respect your choice whereas you do not seem to be respecting the choice of the op and those of us whose choices are different to yours..

Shutupanddance1 · 07/04/2019 21:31

I had my second DD with no pain relief - my labour was 3 hours - I would never do it again! Fuck that shit. I thought I’d get some pain relief but it all happened pretty quick.

Only thing I’m proud of is calling the midwife ever name under the sun after she broke my waters without warning me.

PaulHollywoodsSexGut · 07/04/2019 21:32

It does sound a bit as if the only people allowed to talk about their birth stories are people who’ve had lots of interventions.......

Of course you hear more “horror stories” than the straightforward ones and I seek out (in vain hope) tales of just totally pedestrian birth experiences but they don’t make good copy for blogs/insta etc so can be hard to come by.

But regardless of mode of delivery you don’t go on social media and blah blah about it like a fucking medal-seeking twat