All natural birth?

[TerribleTwosPhase]

Ok first time posting on AIBU so putting my hard hat on for this one...
Do you genuinely believe that having a baby with no pain relief/intervention or anything makes it a superior birth to someone who hasn't?
Before I had DD I was quite relaxed about my birth plan, didn't want any pain relief or anything if I could manage it, but wasn't against it. In the end after 3 days of labour with a back to back baby and not progressing I had to have an epidural. Fine that's what needed to happen to safely deliver my baby, and as my body was starting to have issues it was the safest way of processing for us both if I needed an emergency c section. I have no issues with this and understand it's just what had to happen, not my ideal birth but we are both happy and healthy so that's all that matters.
Woman on my Facebook has just announced her babies birth with the line " total natural birth, I am a lioness!"
AIBU to think that this is a bit ridiculous, be proud of yourself fair enough, but do we really need to make people feel bad about how they gave birth? Do you secretly feel better about yourself knowing you done it with no pain relief?
I'm really not trying to be goady here please don't take it like that, but does the fact that everything went textbook for someone mean it's more noteworthy than for someone who didn't? I see so many women on here who are disappointed with their birth experiences and I think things like this surely can't help?

[DoneLikeAKipper]

I had my second without any pain relief whatsoever. It wasn’t a choice, things moved very quickly. It’s not an experience I’d wish to repeat, not one I reflect ‘proudly’ on, and actually left me a bit mentally traumatised afterwards. Both baby and myself were fine, but give me painkillers, gas and air and a warm bath/pool like my first anytime.

I mean if she felt like a ‘lioness’ then good for her, I felt like I needed a stiff drink and a therapist!

[PurpleFlower1983]

I’m very happy that I managed labour on gas and air alone and with no damage down there as I was able to come home a few hours later but I feel lucky rather than anything else. Who knows what your body/baby will decide to do when it comes to it?!

[Purplepjs]

I had one birth with a spinal and forceps, and one ‘natural’. I found the natural birth incredibly empowering and a wonderful experience. None of that was because of me though...just a baby in the right position, short labour etc etc. I’m so very grateful to have experienced it. However I am kind of ‘prouder’ of having survived my first labour...much longer, scarier, more painful...it’s funny the way we talk about birth and being ‘proud’ of no pain relief. I think however you give birth, it is a monumental experience which changes you physically and mentally. I feel very lucky to have experienced it twice.

[Ihatehashtags]

Superior? No. Actually it’s probably more the opposite if anything. When everything is turning to shit and you can survive and your baby survives, those mums are the real heroes.

[Alsohuman]

I didn’t realise only gas and air was drug free. In that case, two drug free births but why on earth would you endure pain if you didn’t have to?

[Marlena1]

Love that @StealthPolarBear Had one natural, no pain relief and one c section where I took every bit of pain releif they would give me!!! The only people who asked me if I had an epidural after the natural were people who hadnt had one so they could boast. No one else cares. Whatever way it's done is hard but you play the cards your dealt, if you need pain relief you take it, there are no medals!!

[clownstotheleft]

I gave birth less than two weeks ago to DD, I had an epidural after two days of labour, and honestly I think for me that was the best option as I was shattered and attempts to manage the pain using alternatives was not not working. I probably could have gone the whole way without an epidural if absolutely necessary, but I don't believe enduring pain is some sort of badge of honour, if I had a broken leg you wouldn't suggest I have it reset without pain relief... and surely all births are 'natural' by virtue of the fact that a baby is being brought into the world?

I wouldn't read anything into your friends post though, she is proud of her experience much like I am proud of mine.

[PhilomenaButterfly]

God no. I don't care as long as baby and mother are safe. I had to be helped out of the pool because DS2's shoulders were stuck.

[Hollowvictory]

Yanbu. Why would anyone be proud? Our midwives said, nobody hives you a medal so have the pain relief you need. If you have a headache are you proud if you don't take paracetamol? No!
Ridiculous nonsense.

[Slazengerbag]

I had 3 births. 1 was natural, 1 was pethedine and the other was epidural. I didn’t get a certificate and a medal after the 1st one. It was no different to the others. I didn’t make me superior to anyone else.

If I did it again I would have an epidural straight away.

[PointlessUsername]

I have had 4 natural births wasn't dead set on natural just how it happened and last was back to back but by the time it got to much she was on her way out anyway.

I am proud of myself, yes, without taking away from anyone elses experience.

She probably didn't think much about anyone else other whilst posting the status.

[Parker231]

I didn’t see any point in experiencing pain I didn’t need to so opted for an early epidural. Can’t understand anyone thinking a labour without any form of pain relief makes them superior.

[MulticolourMophead]

My first child was born by ELCS, medical issues etc. 2nd was VBAC, all natural not even gas and air.

Do I see the 2nd as a better birth? No, I don't give a shit. In fact, if I knew then what I know now, I'd have insisted on ELCS second time around as well.

But I once made the mistake of chatting with someone who was very invested in how I'd given birth, and tried to say that No 2 was superior. She really went on and on about the all natural stuff that other women in the room were beginning to listen in and I thought some looked worried.

So I shut her down by giving out some stats, and then finished off with the point that no-one will ever give you a medal for how you give birth, that no-one else cares.

My DC are mid to late teens now. The method of their birth or even the method of feeding (ie bf/ff) is simply irrelevant now.

Looking back, I think the woman had some insecurity, and going on about the birth was a way of helping herself feel better.

[MrsSiriusBlack1]

Pregnancy and birth are for a lot of women not easy, I suffered with hg with my 3 pregnancies and had one birth with no pain relief which was fucking awful, next one I had drugs and the last was an emcs because of brow presentation. Birth is the unknown and we should all be proud of ourselves no matter how they pan out.

[countrygirl99]

My first needed a drip and epidural as my waters broke & I had very high blood pressure but contractions hadn't started after 12 hourss. My second came so fast there was no chance for pain relief. I'm sure if it had lasted a long time I would have been very grateful for any help. My birth plan both times for me and the baby to get through it alive and healthy.
Get used to competitive mothering and cultivate the ability to let it flow over your head whilst saying "that's nice".

[PurpleFlower1983]

Gas and air doesn’t mean drug free, just minimal intervention I suppose as the effects wear off pretty much immediately. Wonderful wonderful stuff!

[RoseReally]

I'm with you OP. I had a long labour too, and finally ended up with a lovely epidural. I had forceps and an episiotomy but that was nothing compared to the pain I went through before they 'let' me have some pain relief. I wanted to have an intervention earlier in order to speed things up, but to no.

I really wish this wasn't a thing. Many women who give birth 'naturally' are very lucky, and I think some recognise this. I have a friend who had a tough first labour and was induced etc. With her second she did it just on gas and air and she was so delighted with how it went and was clearly empowered by the experience. I felt really happy for her. I think it depends a bit on the person, I know this friend doesn't feel superior at all and was just reflecting on her own experience.

I'm due my second in the summer and my main hope is that it will be a lot quicker, i.e. maybe 12-15 hours instead of several days!

[MillicentMartha]

DS1 was a forceps delivery. If he hadn’t been it would have been an emergency caesarean.
DS2 was a really quick gas and air delivery.
DS3 was born in 20 minutes, unexpectedly at home with just me and my H.

Do I feel proud? Sort of, but that’s tempered with feeling like I have a bucket fanny!

[Celebelly]

I had to have an emergency section after planning a 'natural' birth, and I honestly couldn't care less now. I'm a 'lioness' for growing my baby.

Birth to me was a means to an end v an 'experience', although prior to DD arriving I put a bit too much stock into the 'experience'. I took fairy lights, room spray, breathing audio tracks, then when actually I was in labour I didn't give a shit about any of it. Eight weeks on and I don't really think about the birth. It did its job, we both came out healthy and that's that, and I know despite the section we were incredibly fortunate.

[KateTheShrew]

I felt relieved I was able to give birth both times with just gas and air because my labours were fairly straightforward and quick. I don't understand why I would feel proud of that, though, because it wasn't something that I somehow 'achieved', it was pure luck. If circumstances had been different and my labours had been long and complicated, I would certainly have needed more pain relief and intervention and equally that would be nothing to feel bad about.

I definitely didn't feel like a lioness either time - more of a sweaty hippo

[Zippetydoodahzippetyay]

I have had 2 natural births, one with just the gas and one with nothing.

Was I proud of myself? Of course i was. Incredibly proud of my body, of my mental strength/self belief and with all the oxytocin raging through me I was just obsessed with my baby and my birth experience.

However never for one minute have I felt superior. I know that I was lucky. I know that plenty of people with more knowledge and preparation than me have far less positive experiences. A lot of it comes down to luck.

What I find frustrating though is it seems you can't feel proud without people thinking you're critical of them. I am so proud of breastfeeding. Saying so doesn't mean I think any less of someone who formula feeds. People can't make you feel something without your permission. If you feel judged or inferior or anything like that, most likely you are already dealing with your own personal sense of disappointment, self doubt or regret. If you believe in yourself and your own decisions, other people's opinions won't even matter.

[Celebelly]

Also my epidural was bloody amazing and I still rave about it when people ask about the birth. I wish I'd written it into my birth plan from the start. Also the monitoring for the epidural picked up our baby was in distress sooner than it might have been noticed otherwise.

[fancynancyclancy]

The thing is someone being proud of “their” experience doesn’t make it better or superior to yours.

DC1 was a “natural” birth as my active labour was 1.5 hours & unexpectedly quick. I only got the gas once he was crowning but I begged for an epidural (back to back) as the contractions were awful but it was too late, not proud of my sweary, shouty demands. DC2 was a semi elective CS & feck me that was painful the first few days. I was gobsmacked that they packed me off with some paracetamol the next day. I don’t really think about being proud of my births, they are just something that happened however if I was I would have the same proud levels for both births.