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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

All natural birth?

565 replies

TerribleTwosPhase · 07/04/2019 11:08

Ok first time posting on AIBU so putting my hard hat on for this one...
Do you genuinely believe that having a baby with no pain relief/intervention or anything makes it a superior birth to someone who hasn't?
Before I had DD I was quite relaxed about my birth plan, didn't want any pain relief or anything if I could manage it, but wasn't against it. In the end after 3 days of labour with a back to back baby and not progressing I had to have an epidural. Fine that's what needed to happen to safely deliver my baby, and as my body was starting to have issues it was the safest way of processing for us both if I needed an emergency c section. I have no issues with this and understand it's just what had to happen, not my ideal birth but we are both happy and healthy so that's all that matters.
Woman on my Facebook has just announced her babies birth with the line " total natural birth, I am a lioness!"
AIBU to think that this is a bit ridiculous, be proud of yourself fair enough, but do we really need to make people feel bad about how they gave birth? Do you secretly feel better about yourself knowing you done it with no pain relief?
I'm really not trying to be goady here please don't take it like that, but does the fact that everything went textbook for someone mean it's more noteworthy than for someone who didn't? I see so many women on here who are disappointed with their birth experiences and I think things like this surely can't help?

OP posts:
Wearywithteens · 07/04/2019 16:49

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

Noodledoodledoo · 07/04/2019 16:57

Having a number of midwives as friends, plus mental health issues related to my self esteem steming from way before pregancies I decided to not set myself any kind of 'ideal' as who really knows what is going to happen with no prior experience!

First baby I was induced at term, resulting in 3 days of nothing but lack of sleep and so had full epidural when I was put on the drip and then it all ended in a c-section!

Second baby I refused induction till +12, had a foley catheter induction as I refused the drip and said I would have a section instead and baby was a bit quick so all I had was gas and air as he wasn't haning around.

On reflection neither birth am I prouder of, maybe the second but more for the fact I was more clued up about what I wanted and stuck to my guns but none of that was about pain relief. When I hit labour ward with the second my comment was - guess I have no time for an epidural!

My sister's midwife was fab with her - she was feeling the pressure to be 'all natural' from friends and her response was would you refuse pain relief if you had a broken leg that needed setting!

AlexaAmbidextra · 07/04/2019 17:06

All this talk of lionesses and warriors is cringe-making imo.

getback · 07/04/2019 17:27

I hate the term "natural birth" I say that as someone who gave birth without pain relief - lucky enough not to need it and labour too quick anyway. I would cringe at that Facebook post. By all means feel proud of yourself but don't be so insensitive.

Whatsername7 · 07/04/2019 17:36

Ive had two babies - one back to back with a mobile epidural, one back to back without pain relief. Both times I felt really proud of myself. I felt like superwoman. I think its the hormones.

mumsneedwine · 07/04/2019 17:40

Best advice I was given was no one gets pregnant to go through labour. They do it to have a baby. And no one cares how it gets out as long as it does it safety. And it's one of the few times that drugs are good 😁😁

Polarbearflavour · 07/04/2019 17:50

Who actually worries about how other women give birth and silently feels superior in their head? Confused

Gooseygoosey12345 · 07/04/2019 17:58

One of my children's births I had no pain relief, the other I wanted an epidural, couldn't have it, but took everything else on offer. Neither birth makes me stronger than the other or whatever value people want to place on it. I think it's ridiculous. Take the pain relief if you need it! Why suffer unnecessarily? It's just odd. I don't think it makes you brave, I think it makes you stupid. If you don't need it great, if you need it TAKE IT!

Solopower1 · 07/04/2019 18:00

Whether or not you have the birth experience you want seems to be mostly down to luck, judging from the stories you hear. I'm not sure why you would feel proud of being lucky.

Being able to cope with pain, or to make good decisions - isn't that just good luck, again?

Getting pregnant, not dying in childbirth, having a beautiful healthy baby? Incredible, wonderful good luck. Smile

Logically, the worse the experience is, the more proud you should be for getting through it.

bookworm14 · 07/04/2019 18:06

It’s ridiculous to be proud of something you have no control over. I’m glad I was able to have a ‘natural’ (intervention-free) birth because it was easier, but I’m fully aware it was down to luck and if the baby had been larger, or in a different position, things could have gone very differently.

hopelessatthinkingupusernames · 07/04/2019 18:08

You wouldn’t get a tooth out without pain relief, I’ve no idea why it’s a bragging thing to give birth without it.

FWIW my second labour was so fast that I had no effective pain relief and it was possibly the worst experience of my life. My first labour with a spinal and forceps was much better!

Amanduh · 07/04/2019 18:40

I had a horrific induction, 28 hour labour, failed epidural, almost dead child, full ‘natural’ pushing stage and ended in a spinal with forceps.
Anyone who thinks I didn’t do what a ‘natural’ birther did x100 can go and fuck themselves.

outpinked · 07/04/2019 18:44

I’ve had four DC, four very different births. I had back to back labours with DC1 and 3 which were hell on Earth. The contractions never seemed to end and I was writhing around in agony. I had a ‘normal’ birth with DC2 and can definitely say it is nowhere near as painful as a back to back one! I had zero pain relief with DC2 and got to hospital when I was 9cm dilated so she was born approx half an hour later. With DC1 and 3 I was in so much pain I wanted any pain relief they would offer.

Had an ELCS with DC4 and it was the best birthing experience out of the bunch! So relaxed and calm and I’ve never felt so empowered and in charge.

I didn’t win a medal for birthing DC2 without pain relief and nobody actually cares.

BottomleyPottsSpots2 · 07/04/2019 18:50

One epidural vaginal birth (pitocin induction for IUGR), one semi-accidental drug free birth (premature precipitous labour) and one planned drug free birth (AROM induction for pre-eclampsia), all vaginal. No gas and air, tried it with first and it made me feel so sick. My pregnancies are hellishly high risk but I quite enjoyed my births.

The drug free births certainly took mental effort for me, which was something that I had actively prepared for, and I was proud I got through them because it was a personal goal. I acknowledge the big role of fate / anatomy / luck in all of that. Does it mean my unmedicated births were 'better' or I am 'better' than someone else? No, bollocks to that. You can be proud of something without it making you in some way superior (which seems to be what most people are saying).

doIreallyneedto · 07/04/2019 19:13

@FenellaMaxwell - I find it bullshit this idea that women still need to suffer in childbirth, that pain somehow makes us better than others

@Gooseygoosey12345 - Take the pain relief if you need it! Why suffer unnecessarily? It's just odd. I don't think it makes you brave, I think it makes you stupid. If you don't need it great, if you need it TAKE IT!

I think these types of comments are patronising and judgemental of women. Women choose, for a wide variety of reasons, to aim for a particular type of birth. It's not up to you, or any one else, to dismiss or diminish their choices.

I did not want a medication assisted birth. I did what I could to achieve that and was lucky enough that all went up plan. Other women want a medication assisted birth and do what they can to achieve it. Unfortunately, it doesn't work out for all of them though.

If either of you had slagged off women who had medication assisted births by saying It's bullshit that women don't want to feel full control over their bodies when giving birth. It doesn't make them more sensible managing to avoid pain doesn't make them better than others, you would rightly be pilloried. Nobody avoids meds because they want to feel pain.

Can you not just make the point that all choices are valid, no ones choice makes them better or worse than anyone else, without slagging off women who prefer a med-free birth?

Gooseygoosey12345 · 07/04/2019 19:18

@doIreallyneedto I said "if you need to". Clearly some people don't feel they need to and would rather aim for natural. It's not patronising in the slightest unless you choose to take it completely out of context like you have done. I didn't say "if you feel a twinge of pain that means you need to have pain relief". Some people can cope, some people can't, if you NEED it, there's no shame in taking it!

Gooseygoosey12345 · 07/04/2019 19:20

@doIreallyneedto and I also said I'd given birth both with and without pain relief, I'm not slagging anyone off, so don't twist my words and slag me off. Thanks

justrestinginmybankaccount · 07/04/2019 19:24

I loved giving birth, pain and all. Its the only time in my life I’ve felt pure animal, scared and in control all at the same time.

doIreallyneedto · 07/04/2019 19:29

@Gooseygoosey12345 - my point is that the examples used are always negative comments about those going med-free. Why not reverse it and have the negative example reflect those who take meds? Of course there is no shame in taking meds. Equally, there is no point being made in not taking meds.

Gooseygoosey12345 · 07/04/2019 19:33

@doIreallyneedto that's basically what I was trying to say, in a round about way, and also that there's no shame in meds and women shouldn't be made to feel that they are weak for taking meds if they need it. It's great if you don't, I loved giving birth naturally, being fully aware of everything. Equally, I lost consciousness due to pain and shock for my second labour and I didn't feel weak for taking meds, and that no one should!

Gooseygoosey12345 · 07/04/2019 19:34

And also that I got a lot of "wow, well done" for going med free with my first (even though I was much more of a trooper second time round) so I've always found that going med free is seen as more positive.

Sagradafamiliar · 07/04/2019 19:38

DoI I agree.

anothermansmother · 07/04/2019 19:41

I had both of my dc without pain relief. I wanted everything with my ds, I was endured and the midwife told me I wasn't in labour 30 minutes after being given the gel and drip as I was a first timer and they take hours...I gave birth to him without anything an hour after my induction.
My dd I her head was already out by time they got me into a room as I didn't look like I was in labour, it was only that my friend ( a midwife) was on duty that they took me through and her head was out by time I got into a room.
I was recently in with my best friend when she gave birth, and she said I bet you think I'm terrible having an epidural...my answer was given the chance I'd have had one too!

Namelessinseattle · 07/04/2019 19:44

Both times I felt like a warrior lioness climbing a mountain bare foot - well I suppose lions are. However I would not put it on Facebook.

I think it’s about your expectations though, if you don’t meet your own expectations you can be disappointed and sensitive to other people’s stories- or I certainly was when it came to breast feeding. First time round I felt robbed.

anothernamereally · 07/04/2019 19:45

My first I had gas and air and vomited badly so I didn't bother with next dc, do I feel proud? Yes because I have bloody big babies, do I feel superior no not at all - I'm 100% sure I'd have used pain relief if I wasn't terrified of being sick