All natural birth?

[TerribleTwosPhase]

Ok first time posting on AIBU so putting my hard hat on for this one...
Do you genuinely believe that having a baby with no pain relief/intervention or anything makes it a superior birth to someone who hasn't?
Before I had DD I was quite relaxed about my birth plan, didn't want any pain relief or anything if I could manage it, but wasn't against it. In the end after 3 days of labour with a back to back baby and not progressing I had to have an epidural. Fine that's what needed to happen to safely deliver my baby, and as my body was starting to have issues it was the safest way of processing for us both if I needed an emergency c section. I have no issues with this and understand it's just what had to happen, not my ideal birth but we are both happy and healthy so that's all that matters.
Woman on my Facebook has just announced her babies birth with the line " total natural birth, I am a lioness!"
AIBU to think that this is a bit ridiculous, be proud of yourself fair enough, but do we really need to make people feel bad about how they gave birth? Do you secretly feel better about yourself knowing you done it with no pain relief?
I'm really not trying to be goady here please don't take it like that, but does the fact that everything went textbook for someone mean it's more noteworthy than for someone who didn't? I see so many women on here who are disappointed with their birth experiences and I think things like this surely can't help?

you don’t get a fucking medal however you do it. If you and baby are both alive then you’ve won

This with bells on!

Although I have to say I'd be lying if I said I wasn't upset when my "D"M told me my sister had "done so well" because she didn't even need stitches or pain relief and my birth resulted in severe internal tearing that nearly killed me.

@FenellaMaxwell - as I said in that post and my subsequent post, the negative examples used by you and others are always relating to women who give birth without meds. If you gave a similar example that depicted someone who used meds you would be pilloried. Your post suggests that women who don't use meds are doing it to feel better than others or they are not sensible enough to realise that meds are an option.

It would be nice if it was not always the choice to avoid meds that is depicted negatively.

BertrandRussell - It does sound a bit as if the only people allowed to talk about their birth stories are people who’ve had lots of interventions.......

Doesn't it just.

Actually, I think if you want to go on social media and talk about how brilliant you are for having made a baby and given birth to it then why should’t you? Calling yourself a lioness is a bit dickish, but if you can’t be a bit dickish when you’ve just had a baby then when can you?

You can say that unicorns shot the baby out of your arsehole for all I care - it really doesn’t matter. What isn’t ok is making people feel bad for not being “a lioness” or “a natural mother”.

I couldn't give two shits about natural birth. I know I can't stand pain, I freak out if I have a urine infection so why would I put myself through that?
I asked for an epidural long before the birth and that was 36 years ago when they were not common. Then had a lovely pain free birth with no serious complications. Job done. We both made it and that's all that mattered.
Do I regret not having a natural birth? No I did what was right for me.

But it seems that even mentioning that you had a drug and intervention free birth is not allowed because it might make other people feel bad. I’m proud of having had two “natural” ( hate the term, but it’s shorthand) births. Should I apologise or just keep quiet? That would make me feel bad!

I think if you want to go on social media and talk about how brilliant you are for having made a baby and given birth to it then why should’t you?

You obviously can but it's really dickish.

After my first and the experience I had with his birth if I'd have seen that on social media, on top of the shit start to breastfeeding, not having that lovely photo holding my newborn that everyone has as I was hooked up to monitors having surgery and blood pumped into me for hours. Christ I didn't even get to see him or do any skin to skin for hours. On top of him needing an operation due to a very unlucky genetic issue that I felt I gave him. It would have made me feel double shit.

That I was obviously a failure in comparison. I'm not saying anyone is a failure in my example but when you've also just given birth, in shock and very emotional it's not helpful to see the perfect "Instagram" photos and dickish comments.

I was more gutted with my second child I couldn't have pain relief due to the speed of my labour. I wanted more than anything to go to hospital,, get the epidural ASAP and then nap pain free. Awful pregnancy and was looking forward to being numb waist down.

I've had every different kind of birth I think. I don't think there is a right way or a wrong way. I did feel a high after my 3 vaginal births which I didn't get after either of my c-sections. I don't know if it happens that way for everyone.

@FenellaMaxwell - What isn’t ok is making people feel bad for not being “a lioness” or “a natural mother”.

The op said Woman on my Facebook has just announced her babies birth with the line " total natural birth, I am a lioness!"

The woman didn't say everyone should do it her way or that anyone who did it differently was inferior or whatever. Anybody reading that statement on facebook who doesn't feel like "a natural mother" orr who feels bad about their own birth experience is projecting their own issues onto the poster.

If I read a post from someone stating Total painless birth with my epidural. I'm a legend. I would just think good on her. Sounds like her birth went well. I wouldn't think she was trying to make me or anyone else feel bad.

I had everything an then a vontuse 36 hour labour. Second only gas and air then knocked out for an emergency c section, baby was there when I woke up, one year later a planned c section. In my opinion just get the baby out safe and quick whatever what it comes .

“You obviously can but it's really dickish”

So just keep your head down and say nothing? Isn’t that a bit unfair?

What isn’t ok is making people feel bad for not being “a lioness” or “a natural mother”.

But is just saying that you feel like a lionness doing that? And the woman the OP complained about didn't use the phrase 'natural mother', you did.

I gave birth to my son 2 months ago, with no pain relief. He was 10lbs.

I wouldn’t say I feel superior but I do feel proud that I managed to birth him naturally. For me it was mind over matter and controlling my pain with breathing.

I don’t take pain relief or medication generally in day to day life, it’s just a personal preference.

But it seems that even mentioning that you had a drug and intervention free birth is not allowed because it might make other people feel bad. I’m proud of having had two “natural” ( hate the term, but it’s shorthand) births. Should I apologise or just keep quiet? That would make me feel bad!

Someone saying they were lucky enough to have had a labour that had no drugs/interventions is fine.

Someone saying they had no drugs/interventions in a way that makes it sound as if this was down to some sort of cleverness or special ability on their part is not fine.

The first is great, the second is dickish as it implies the people who did have drugs or interventions simply didn't try hard enough.

Of course you hear more “horror stories” than the straightforward ones and I seek out (in vain hope) tales of just totally pedestrian birth experiences

I openly talk about my caesareans as positive experiences. They were what's called natural caesareans and I found the high level of control I had over it all to be very empowering, even the one that almost killed me was a really positive experience right up until the almost dying part

@ madcatladyforever - I couldn't give two shits about natural birth. I know I can't stand pain, I freak out if I have a urine infection so why would I put myself through that?

@ifoundthebread - I was more gutted with my second child I couldn't have pain relief due to the speed of my labour. I wanted more than anything to go to hospital,, get the epidural ASAP and then nap pain free.

Both perfectly reasonable opinions and attitudes. Everyone is entitled to have their own ideal.

@Butteredghost yep I said that it wasn't my ideal birth, I didn't want drugs/pain relief if it could be avoided, surely most people hope that things go smoothly and there's no need for epidurals or intervention? Doesn't mean I'm against it just that in an ideal world I wouldn't have needed one.

I don't think that only bad birth stories should be shared, I'm happy to hear when things go well, I understand fully that all births are different. And I do think that any women who gives birth has done an amazing job, naturally or not.

I just meant that I think announcing to the world that you've had a natural birth and are a lioness for doing so may make others feel a bit disappointed with their births. I'm sure you've all seen the threads on here where people feel like this, or feel they were robbed of the childbirth experience, and I don't think people saying things like that help.

Be proud of yourself, of course your entitled to, I just don't feel the need to say things like that, but I fully accept that maybe that's my issue thinking too much about what's said/How It's said/How other people could take it rather than just reading it and moving on.

Actually, if the only people who are allowed to talk about their births are the ones who have had a hard time, women who are about to give birth are going to be even more terrified! It’s like breast feeding. If you say tentatively on a bf thread that you got on OK 50 people jump on you. The only valid experiences are the difficult ones.

But why are you proud of having two natural births rather than just proud of having two births Bertrand?

It certainly implies that you feel a natural birth is somehow superior than a birth that requires greater medical intervention or else why would you specify.

By all means "go on social media and talk about how brilliant you are for having made a baby and given birth to it" if you want, but it's disingenuous to claim that specifically stating you had a natural birth doesn't come with a certain self-congratulatory element.

@BertrandRussell by all means tell your friends and family that you're proud of what you've done but I can't help but think it's just crass to post it on social media. But then again I hate social media attention seeking.

@BertrandRussell by all means tell your friends and family that you're proud of what you've done but I can't help but think it's just crass to post it on social media. But then again I hate social media attention seeking.

@BertrandRussell by all means tell your friends and family that you're proud of what you've done but I can't help but think it's just crass to post it on social media. But then again I hate social media attention seeking.

I agree with what a pp said . Nothing wrong with knowing your labour went well due to sheer luck but in my experience many people say it with an air of superiority that it was all down to their amazing vagina and high pain threshold.

I just meant that I think announcing to the world that you've had a natural birth and are a lioness for doing so

She didn't actually say that, from your OP - she said that she'd had a natural birth and that she felt like a lioness. The assumption that she wouldn't have felt like that if she'd had interventions in the birth and that she therefore feels superior for having had a natural birth is yours.

I had to completely drug free births. First induced and 2nd home birth. I have no problem with how anyone else chooses to do whatever. I just dont like the effect certain drugs have on me, and the thought of being physically sick whilst giving birth gave me the incentive to try without drugs.