All natural birth?

[TerribleTwosPhase]

Ok first time posting on AIBU so putting my hard hat on for this one...
Do you genuinely believe that having a baby with no pain relief/intervention or anything makes it a superior birth to someone who hasn't?
Before I had DD I was quite relaxed about my birth plan, didn't want any pain relief or anything if I could manage it, but wasn't against it. In the end after 3 days of labour with a back to back baby and not progressing I had to have an epidural. Fine that's what needed to happen to safely deliver my baby, and as my body was starting to have issues it was the safest way of processing for us both if I needed an emergency c section. I have no issues with this and understand it's just what had to happen, not my ideal birth but we are both happy and healthy so that's all that matters.
Woman on my Facebook has just announced her babies birth with the line " total natural birth, I am a lioness!"
AIBU to think that this is a bit ridiculous, be proud of yourself fair enough, but do we really need to make people feel bad about how they gave birth? Do you secretly feel better about yourself knowing you done it with no pain relief?
I'm really not trying to be goady here please don't take it like that, but does the fact that everything went textbook for someone mean it's more noteworthy than for someone who didn't? I see so many women on here who are disappointed with their birth experiences and I think things like this surely can't help?

I was lucky to experience birth twice without need for pain relief, but I wasn’t against having pain relief, I don’t think I am superior for it either. Just how things turned out.

No not at all, but I’ve had two home births, both completely natural, though did use a tiny bit of gas and air for about 15 minutes with the 2nd. I think it probably made it easier and recovery faster, and also less traumatic, but that’s also because that’s what I wanted. You don’t get a medal for giving birth a certain way. You have to do it the safest and best way for you given the circumstances, which that was for me.

I had one of each- if you can count induction followed by a couple of tentative sniffs at the gas as virtually "natural". My second one was an EMCS because baby's heartbeat was going down.

I have never had anyone- not a single person- say anything negative about my first birth. Despite the fact that I still have problems down below 22 years later. But found it difficult to get some people to shut up about how disappointed I must be about not given birth naturally the second time and how counselling might be available to deal with my feelings of inadequacy (shut up superior person and go away, I am absolutely fine and enjoyed my EMCS).

How about this for an analogy -I’m talking about a perfectly textbook baby size/pelvis shape/baby position/healthy mum. You run a marathon, and hit “the wall” at 20 miles (the pain of labour has you at your limits). Some people give up and drop out of the race (scream for an epidural). Other people soldier on to the end. Who is the “lioness”?

It's a shit analogy since you asked. And offensive. Why are you judging labouring women for having pain relief when labour can be excruciatingly painful? There's no medal for suffering, nor should there be.

DD1’s birth was “all natural” and the pain of tearing traumatised me so much that I couldn’t contemplate another vaginal birth, so opted for a CS with DD2. I couldn’t give a fuck what anyone thinks about that decision!

Ah no let her be proud of herself. I like it when women call themselves lionesses and queens and celebrate themselves- for whatever reason.
I had 3 with no assistance or pain relief but only because I was dismissed and told 'no'! I felt pretty roarsome after those especially the third. For my 4th I'm asking for a c-section.

Agree the marathon running analogy is shit. I would counter that those who manage to struggle on to the end are in less pain than those who opt for an epidural.

There is no way that I could have managed without my epidural. 16 hours of intense back to back contractions with minimal progress was hell.

I almost gave birth without pain relief it was a horrible experience due to poor/non existent care and being refused any pain relief when I was induced due with a back to back baby. When I was taken to theatre and given a spinal it was the best bit!

Reading through this thread, there seems to be a common theme. People saying there's no medals for med free, you wouldn't have root canal without meds etc. People who have gone med free at pains to stress how it was down to luck and genetics etc.

Why do people feel the need to knock down those who went med free (because that is what you are doing with those medal/prize comments) or nearly apologise if they did go med free or justify why they took meds if they did?

Why not just say I wanted meds or I had a long/painful labour so I needed meds? Equally, if you went med free, I was able to have the med free birth I wanted?

Can we not just be a bit more accepting of our differences and jointly celebrate that we produced a baby?

Confusedbeetle

My third was born back to back, first I knew was when I looked down and saw him look back at me (body still inside - very weird) - I didn't find it much different to the ones that 'behaved' and came out the 'right' way round (the midwife knew but as she said afterwards 'what was I supposed to say 'it's going to take longer and hurt more'

I think what part of the problem is people seem to share their negative birth experiences, but if a woman shares a positive ones she's seen as bragging and putting others down -every birth experience is just as valid as any other

I had 2 very different births. One with lots of interventions, one with nothing. Do I feel like a lioness? Hell yes. But only for ever having sex again given how the first one played out and the aftermath of 3rd degree tears! For how I gave birth? No.

I gave birth naturally twice. I feel fortunate that I didn't have complications. With dd1 I spend 30 minutes in the hospital before she was born, and dd2 1 hr 15 before she was born. Had either births gone on longer, I may have asked for an epidural, but I didn't need one.
Do I feel superior? No, just lucky.

In an age where we can do a lot of things pain free I don't get the obsession with the most natural thing or women have been doing this for centuries rubbish! In fact women used to be given funky teas in some cultures during birth you telling me that it didn't contain drugs.... OK they weren't processed but its still drugs!

I had a natural birth because it was quick and there was no choice small amount of gas and air. If I had time for the drugs I would have taken it! I was exhausted, shell shocked and my body left uncontrollably shaking with a temperature and anaemic due to high blood loss.

People should focus on the important things a baby being delivered healthy that's the important thing not how they got there!

I don’t necessarily think all people who don’t want or think they don’t want drugs do it because they want to be martyrs. I was terrified at the idea of having a needle in my back.

I had the longest labour ever. Contractions every 3 min for over 3 days before they put me on the hormone drip then a few hours of pushing. No way I could have managed without an epidural, I was almost delirious with tiredness. I still feel strangely shit about it when I hear someone had an all natural birth. I have to say my friends have not gloated at all, it's more about how I feel about myself, like if I'd have been stronger I'd have been able to cope without pain relief, or if I'd been more relaxed it might have gone quicker.

That said, though, some people do boast about it, it's not the 'I'm glad it went well' sentiment, as I'm glad it went well for them as well. It's the implication that it was something they did, that they had a choice in the matter, that they weren't just lucky that it was over fairly quickly or there were no complications. The 'I'm a lioness' comment kind of implies that. Maybe she does have above average strength and pain tolerance. Or maybe she was just lucky in which case it kind of feels a bit like she is rubbing less lucky peoples faces in it

@Bleurghthatisall

Pfff. Shortly after my baby was stillborn at full term, I got a group text from a husband of a friend ‘Lucy has given birth to a healthy boy- natural water birth, total warrior.’ I felt cross that no one had called me a warrior, when I had given birth without even the joy of a live baby at the end.

I'm sorry for your loss, and yes you are a warrior

Like I said before I think everyone who gives birth naturally or not is amazing, I just don't see why it has to seem like some sort of a competition.

Well op, no birth is superior to another op. Is there such a thing? I think your friend with the lioness comment was just in the moment and feeling proud after the birth. I guess its her right to name herself anything she likes.

I had 4 c-sections and feel super proud of my body and what I went through to have my kids. Honestly don't care I didn't do it naturally. One friend once said I had missed out on natural birth but I don't think of it like that. My sister had 2 peaceful quick natural births. Different strokes for different folks! When your dc are older op, I don't think how they are born is ever really discussed!

I think the issue that when it's a topic that is sensitive (birth, breastfeeding, sleep) other parents feeling "proud of what they have achieved" feels like they are implying you should be ashamed of what you haven't.

I know it usually isn't meant to come across that way but birth and parenting choices can be such an emotive issue for many.

I had two births with gas & air (one drip induced too which is apparently very painful). I feel proud that my body did it and bloody lucky because really birth is just luck of draw. Felt empowered by it and thanked my lucky stars i didn't labour for days or need intervention. Anyone who survives birth is a bloody warrior, it's a really scary and painful process

P. S. I do find the 'I'm a total lioness' comment wanky as hell

I had an epidural and it was lovely. I’m proud of myself for being sensible, and not thinking that hours and hours of pain made me a lioness. I would 100% have one again. I find it bullshit this idea that women still need to suffer in childbirth, that pain somehow makes us better than others - it’s completely bizarre. Vaginal birth or C section, pain relief or not, breastfed or formula fed - none of it makes you superior to other women.

Also, a lioness is a SHIT thing to be. They do all the work, and the ‘pick me’ dance for their useless, arrogant, cocklodger DP. Who’d want to be like that!

I wasn't being very sensible then fenella because I didn't have an epidural despite literally begging for one after being in labour for a week with a b-2-b 9lb12 baby (and was denied an epidural in previous labours also).

@Sagradafamiliar You considered one though and that is eminently sensible. The sensible thing is to remain open to the possibility should you need it, not being so hellbent on a natural birth that you set yourself up for a fall. It doesn’t matter if people have pain relief or not as long as they are sensible about what the options are.

The options 'aren't always available'. I'd have bloody loved an epidural.