All natural birth?

[TerribleTwosPhase]

Ok first time posting on AIBU so putting my hard hat on for this one...
Do you genuinely believe that having a baby with no pain relief/intervention or anything makes it a superior birth to someone who hasn't?
Before I had DD I was quite relaxed about my birth plan, didn't want any pain relief or anything if I could manage it, but wasn't against it. In the end after 3 days of labour with a back to back baby and not progressing I had to have an epidural. Fine that's what needed to happen to safely deliver my baby, and as my body was starting to have issues it was the safest way of processing for us both if I needed an emergency c section. I have no issues with this and understand it's just what had to happen, not my ideal birth but we are both happy and healthy so that's all that matters.
Woman on my Facebook has just announced her babies birth with the line " total natural birth, I am a lioness!"
AIBU to think that this is a bit ridiculous, be proud of yourself fair enough, but do we really need to make people feel bad about how they gave birth? Do you secretly feel better about yourself knowing you done it with no pain relief?
I'm really not trying to be goady here please don't take it like that, but does the fact that everything went textbook for someone mean it's more noteworthy than for someone who didn't? I see so many women on here who are disappointed with their birth experiences and I think things like this surely can't help?

[doIreallyneedto]

@Celebelly - Foolishly beforehand I thought that if I did all that stuff, I would have this magical natural birth.

I think that doing all of that stuff gives you the tools if all goes to plan but it is important to recognise that things don't always go to plan and plans may need to change.

I think if you've had a textbook birth it's easy to credit the stuff you 'did' to make it happen, and I'm sure in some cases it does help, but there's such an element of luck to it.

For me, I had short and relatively easy labours. That was the element of luck. My advance prep allowed me to take advantage of that luck and have the birth experience I wanted.

[HJWT]

I HAD A TOTALLY NATURAL BIRTH 😁

No but seriously I have a fear of epidurals after watching a friend have one and the fact is puts you at higher risk of a section also petrified me as it is my worst fear! I wish I wasn't such a pussy because I would of 100% had an epidural, if I wasn't so scared of the risks...

[PCohle]

That might be your experience Doineedto but I have found significantly more judgment and condescension from women who have been able to have medication free births towards those who have not, than vice-versa.

It's not something that particularly bothers me, but I know a lot of women who hoped to have drug free births, weren't able to and feel that they have "let their baby down"/"failed"/"aren't real mothers" etc etc. The wild NCT prejudice towards unmedicated, intervention free births really doesn't help.

It most cases it's the luck of the draw that allows women to have medication free births, not strength of character.

[Eateneasterchocsalready]

Angel

YY..
That should be NHS Foundation and basic aim ,it should be their mission.

[vampirethriller]

I had an epidural and an emergency c section, sepsis and pre eclampsia. I have been told I didn't have the "real experience." I was busy trying not to die so I don't care.

[CarlGrimesMissingEye]

I had no pain relief, well unless we're counting the pool as pain relief, either time as I didn't need it. I felt ok with it all and happy to proceed without. It was a bit stingy at times but my labours were quick affairs and not drawn out.

I don't feel I'm in any way superior to a mother who needed all the pain relief to get through. Everyone's experience is unique. We all different medical care whether in maternity medicine or any other field.

I think the difference is that people seem to crow about not having pain relief. I only mention it to others if I'm asked and certainly didn't announce on Facebook how awesome I am because I didn't have drugs. I think the specific woman the OP talks about is an insensitive fool.

But then, I know people who have suffered traumatic, challenging, deeply medicalised, and in one case tragic delivery. In such an emotive arena I think they're the ones who are the strong ones. They faced a challenge I will never know and somehow survive.

[Bleurghthatisall]

Pfff. Shortly after my baby was stillborn at full term, I got a group text from a husband of a friend ‘Lucy has given birth to a healthy boy- natural water birth, total warrior.’ I felt cross that no one had called me a warrior, when I had given birth without even the joy of a live baby at the end.

Anyway- it certainly puts the whole natural birth thing into perspective.

I do think it’s the generally hard of thinking who find it hard to imagine that different people have different experiences with birth, breastfeeding etc. Having said that I suppose were it not for the fact that I bf one of mine for 2 years and couldn’t bf eldest due to serious weight gain issues, I might be the one of those annoying ‘anyone can bf’ types. Thank God I’m not!

[Bleurghthatisall]

Cross posted with carl- thank you

[user1471426142]

I’ve had one birth that was long and hard with lots of intervention and a bucketful of drugs. The other one was quick, no drugs and I even read my toddler a bedtime story during active labour. They were totally different and if I hadn’t experienced either one I wouldn’t have believed the difference. If anything, i did far better dealing with my first. My ‘easy’ birth was painful but far more straight forward. There are no medals for doing it without drugs. Some labours just hurt a lot less than others.

[Eateneasterchocsalready]

How can anyone be proud of themselves?

Proud of genes, luck timing?

Mw said my 1st labour was amazing. How could I feel proud? When friends literally were moments from death, one baby did sadly die...

They shouldn't feel proud? I think terminology like this is damaging to all women.

I felt merely humbled by being spared by my labor what my poor friends had endured.

It's luck.

[Lauzy86]

I personally find it really upsetting that people feel superior by having no pain relief and feel sorry for those of us who aren't as lucky. My baby and I would have died if this was 100 years ago so thank goodness for medical intervention, pain relief and whatever else the doctors deemed necessary. I have a healthy, happy baby and have recovered well. I have also been told if I have a second it is likely the same complications will happen and I'd be better opting for a c section - does that make me any less a 'warrior'?

[doIreallyneedto]

@PCohle - That might be your experience Doineedto but I have found significantly more judgment and condescension from women who have been able to have medication free births towards those who have not, than vice-versa.

It is my experience but to be honest, I don't think it matters one way or the other. The only reason I mentioned it was in response to the very nasty post from @CoffeeMilkNoSugar.

Perhaps those of us who go med-free get judgement and criticism from twatty people who went medication-assisted and those of us who went medication-assisted get judgement from twatty people who went med-free, hence our different experiences?

In my post I also said Maybe try being a bit less nasty and judgemental and accept that different ways work for different people.

We could do with a lot less judgement generally and a lot more support and solidarity for one another.

[Mammyloveswine]

Baby 1 i laboured for 36 hours... had diamorphine and begged for an epidural.. he was back to back and big.. i had an episiotomy and just felt relief when he was born.

Number 2 i had a water birth and used hypnobirthing. A bit of gas and air towards the end but it was amazing. My body took over, it was so calm and i was on such a natural high! I was so proud of my body and amazed at how i just gave birth that i would've probably posted something similar!

I dont think im better than anyone else i think i was just lucky! And the natural.high no doubt contributed to your friends facebook.post.

At the end of the day it wasn't about you or anyone else. It was about her meeting her baby having gone through what is the most intense experience yet. So she should be able to post about it


Similarly people who are proud to breastfeed for 6 months.. a year.. two tears
. Dont want to make formula feeding mums feel bad, they are posting about themselves.

Same with people who have lost weight.. post beautiful selfies... have high achieving children and post about their successes..

[Bobfossil2]

I had an induced back to back labour on the drip. I had everything going. I had an epidural and then a spinal injection. Forceps and a c section. I feel like a lioness. Good for you, seriously, if you can do it without pain relief because I have no clue how. I did about 6 hours just breathing before I begged for everything they had to offer . I think probably being active would have helped but I was stuck to the bed.

I’ve seen/ heard a lot of husbands/ partners announce a birth by saying their wife had a natural delivery or a natural delivery and no pain relief. I know they are rightly proud of their other half but I don’t know if it’s an achievement in itself to have a natural birth? Maybe I’m wrong.

Anyway I wouldn’t have a tooth out without pain relief so no way is anyone extracting a baby without throwing something better than shite gas and air in my direction.

[snowone]

I gave birth 2 weeks ago with only the help of codeine - gas and air is awful stuff. I had my first DD 4 years ago with diamorphine and I can hand on heart say that I much preferred my first labour and that the diamorphine made it a much more pleasant experience.

[MutantDisco]

Thing is, even if you have no pain relief, you might then have a massive tear or retained placenta and need a spinal afterwards (DS1).

[BoffinMum]

Having had one epidural and three home water births, I think a lot comes down to the positioning of the baby on the day, and your body's genetic predisposition, so I think judging comparative births is bonkers. As long as both mother and baby emerge alive and reasonably intact, it's a good birth.

[Science9]

Ive never really understood the bragging about refusing pain relief as I've seen some people do in the past. If you had a headache and started boasting about not taking painkillers people would just think you're a bit daft 😂 I've had a natural bit that ended up forceps and I was so traumatised and damaged that I requested a csection for my second - the section was hands down the best experience of the two and I genuinely loved it! No shame here, I wanted it as pain free and easy as possible

[Crabbyandproudofit]

I think it's fantastic that women are proud of their achievements. I think it's a shame that so many of us feel judged when we don't share those achievements. There are women who would love any kind of delivery if they could get pregnant and carry a baby to full-term. There are women who have no interest in having children. So long as you are not making choices which harm someone else why is it anyone else's business?

Don't feel judged and don't judge.

[BertrandRussell]

There is a difference, surely, between being proud of having a “natural” birth (which I am) and bragging about it (which I don’t)

[Babdoc]

All that matters with any birth is the safe delivery of a healthy baby from an undamaged mum! I do wish women wouldn’t have these competitive birth arguments - there are no medals for suffering, and you should all feel free to make whatever birth plan you want in terms of analgesia. Please don’t feel upset or a failure because some plonker is boasting on Facebook or wherever.

[Bellendejour]

I wanted a natural birth but due to my age the consultant pushed me to have an pessary induction, which led to very intense painful contractions, but wasn’t dilating, baby was back to back and when they monitored her heartbeat was showing signs of distress so ended up with an emergency c section. So yes, I didn’t push my baby out, but afterwards the pain was breathtaking; had a nightmare with trying to pee after my catheter was taken out and nearly ended up stuck in a catheter cycle; couldn’t walk or stand for any time without feeling like a white hot sword was cutting through my groin, couldn’t get out of bed, pick up my baby, lie or sit comfortable while trying to breastfeed... basically it was not a walk in the park and I went through a lot of pain, maybe different pain, but extreme pain nonetheless.

I think all births are impressive.

Though someone should tell that to DP’s mum who was at pains to tell me about their family friend’s daughters natural birth and how incredible it was that she’d had no pain relief beyond birth pool and gas and air (she wasn’t induced and allowed to have labour start naturally days after due date).

[DoubtOfTheOrdinary]

I'm currently pregnant with my first - it's still early days but I'm hoping to have a vaginal birth using gas and air. But that's not because I think it's "better" or more of an acheivement; it's purely because I'm shit scared of an epidural after my friend's mum was left paralysed by one 😱 So if I do have the birth I'm hoping for it won't be because of some superior strength; it'll be because my fear of epidurals outweighed the pain of labour! I think most people's births are similarly affected by their circumstances and the previous experiences they bring to the birth.

[Pretamum]

If you gave birth, no matter how, then good for you. I know someone who tells everyone when ever the subject of labour comes up that she did it all without pain relief, she felt so empowered, she'd never use pain relief for labour blah blah blah. Honestly, if that's what she wanted to do then great, good for her. But it's not for me, and when she brags about it so proudly and with such an "aren't I great" attitude I really dislike her for it. I felt empowered giving birth to my child, but I also used pain relief because I have a low pain threshold and didn't want to be traumatised by the experience. No one expects anyone to have root canal surgery without some form of pain relief, so why is it seen as a "worthier" way of giving birth? Personally I say take all the pain relief you need to get through it!