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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

All natural birth?

565 replies

TerribleTwosPhase · 07/04/2019 11:08

Ok first time posting on AIBU so putting my hard hat on for this one...
Do you genuinely believe that having a baby with no pain relief/intervention or anything makes it a superior birth to someone who hasn't?
Before I had DD I was quite relaxed about my birth plan, didn't want any pain relief or anything if I could manage it, but wasn't against it. In the end after 3 days of labour with a back to back baby and not progressing I had to have an epidural. Fine that's what needed to happen to safely deliver my baby, and as my body was starting to have issues it was the safest way of processing for us both if I needed an emergency c section. I have no issues with this and understand it's just what had to happen, not my ideal birth but we are both happy and healthy so that's all that matters.
Woman on my Facebook has just announced her babies birth with the line " total natural birth, I am a lioness!"
AIBU to think that this is a bit ridiculous, be proud of yourself fair enough, but do we really need to make people feel bad about how they gave birth? Do you secretly feel better about yourself knowing you done it with no pain relief?
I'm really not trying to be goady here please don't take it like that, but does the fact that everything went textbook for someone mean it's more noteworthy than for someone who didn't? I see so many women on here who are disappointed with their birth experiences and I think things like this surely can't help?

OP posts:
Sagradafamiliar · 09/04/2019 16:48

Nah, stop with the wide eyes, Laurie. You put asked a question, which if anyone answered in a certain way, it would've gone down like a sack of shit on this thread. Then you picked one of the replies you got (from Bertrand) and tried to lead her into answering another hypothetical question of yours. It implied you had a certain answer in mind and you were waiting to say 'aha!' or for others to pile on. It's just not needed.

BertrandRussell · 09/04/2019 16:48

“Nothing necessarily, I'm just trying to process it.”

Tell me what you want to process and I’ll try to explain. I did few rather as if you wanted me to say that no, I wouldn’t be proud if the birth process, so you could say AHA!. But I wouldn’t want to think that of a fellow Forest fan.......

BloodyDisgrace · 09/04/2019 16:58

I've never given birth but I don't understand taking pride in enduring pain. I think the whole idea of being proud of how much pain you can endure is a dangerous one, especially for a woman.
Those who had a "natural" birth (in centuries to come there might be some good sci-fi incubators seen as a natural way to produce new life) with no pain relief or complications, I think, were just lucky, and I am really happy for them. I like good, happy ending stories. But there's no personal achievement in that anymore than it is in having blue eyes.

LaurieMarlow · 09/04/2019 16:59

Bertrand I will come back to you later on this as I’m getting caught up in some work stuff

Sagrada what’s wrong with questioning people’s assumptions? If they’d answered no, that would have told me something about how they viewed a natural birth. What’s the issue with that?

doIreallyneedto · 09/04/2019 17:02

Personally, I was proud of giving birth so how I gave birth was irrelevant. I was also pleased that my experiences went the way I had hoped and that I was able to have med-free births.

If I had ended up with a med-assisted birth, I would have been a bit disappointed that it didn't go the way I wanted, in the same way that a woman who had planned on an epidural as soon as possible might be disappointed if she wasn't able to have it, for whatever reason.

doIreallyneedto · 09/04/2019 17:11

@BloodyDisgrace - I've never given birth but I don't understand taking pride in enduring pain.

Nobody is taking pride in enduring pain. Women want a med-free birth for many reasons but unless they have masochistic tendencies, having pain is not one of them.

I wanted med-free as I prefer to be in control so gas/air or pethidine would be uncomfortable for me. Additionally, certain meds, such as pethidine disagree with me. I didn't want an epidural as I didn't want to be restricted in movement. I also prefer to be able to feel and know what is happening physically.

I was also confident that I could learn how to use relaxation, breathing etc to help me manage the pain. I accepted that it might not go to plan and that I might need meds for whatever reason. It would not have been my ideal, but things don't always go as planned.

BarrenFieldofFucks · 09/04/2019 17:29

Initially the drive for pain relief free births came from the fact that a lot of drugs could cross the placenta and were related to reduced apgar scores at birth, sleepy babies struggling to feed etc etc. So a lot of people wanted, if possible, to avoid them. Along with the 'cascade of intervention', the idea that for some people, too much pain relief would mean losing touch with what your body was doing and lead to increased interventions.

Drugs have changed over time and I'm not sure how true that all is, but most people trying to avoid pain relief aren't martyrs doing to to be hard, or experience pain for the sake of it.

NewAccount270219 · 09/04/2019 17:30

But I wouldn’t want to think that of a fellow Forest fan.......

Wait, wait, wait. You're a Forest fan? I'm a lapsed one in the way other people are lapsed Catholics - I was raised deep in the faith, but I lost my way as I aged, yet still feel a deep infinity with others who know the ways of the City Ground... I knew you were one of my favourite Mumsnet posters for a reason!

NewAccount270219 · 09/04/2019 17:34

Back on topic: I often feel like a lot of people ignore how much of the 'natural birth' movement was a reaction to birth practices in the 1950s and 60s that were very non-woman-centred and pretty poor on things like informed consent. That doesn't mean that the movement had the 'correct' answer or that it hasn't lost its way since, but to see it as a simple 'epidural=feminist, pain=patriarchy' thing misses that history. The problem with the movement is that it focused on the 'ideal' birth too much rather than the myriad issues of 'real' births, but the 'ideal' was very based on female strength and capability.

BertrandRussell · 09/04/2019 17:36

NewAccount-so sorry! Wrong sort of Forest!!!

Camomila · 09/04/2019 17:37

I think people tend to know how they react to medication, I took 2 sudafed in one day once and felt like I was floating Grin I also take my DSs kids piriton rather than adult antihistamines.
As it was, I was high as a kite on gas and air and couldn't feel much pain at all...I didn't want (or have) an epidural not because I wanted to be a martyr but because I assumed it would affect me quite strongly.

Plus I wanted to go in the pool! (which was lovely)

Luck meant I ended up having my tear repaired under a spinal block and I was kept in for 2 nights...at one point my diastolic blood pressure was 38 Shock

NewAccount270219 · 09/04/2019 17:53

NewAccount-so sorry! Wrong sort of Forest!!!

Blush serves me right for going so off topic!

Zippetydoodahzippetyay · 10/04/2019 00:15

@BarrenFieldofFucks
Yes that is exactly what our hospital classes taught us. They explained the cascade of intervention (which a friend of mine certainly experienced) but they did also explain that in some circumstances, having an epidural might actually calm everything down enough to avoid an emergency c-section. They also discussed the fact that certain medications can cross the placenta. And of course getting a bloody great needle in your spine is not without risks.

Personally I went in with the attitude that I wanted to go as naturally as possible but I was not going to be a martyr about it and if I felt I needed something I would ask for it. I was well prepared AND lucky.

BoffinMum · 10/04/2019 10:40

I often think that it's the very people who try to purist about natural births who would be horrified if there were no possibility at all of any intervention whatsoever, and they had to leave it to fate whether they lived or died.

Medical science is bloody great if you don't want a three day labour culminating in death, like Queen Charlotte.

doIreallyneedto · 10/04/2019 10:54

@BoffinMum - I often think that it's the very people who try to purist about natural births who would be horrified if there were no possibility at all of any intervention whatsoever, and they had to leave it to fate whether they lived or died.

Huh? Nobody here, and I have never seen in the media etc, anyone arguing against medical science being used appropriately (and appropriately varies by individual). In general, those who would prefer a natural birth want to avoid interventions if possible FOR THEMSELVES. However, I have never heard of anyone who would avoid interventions if either they or their baby was at risk. If you have evidence to the contrary, please do provide it.

There is a massive difference between wanting to avoid interventions for your own delivery and banning interventions (which I assume you mean when you say no possibility of intervention).

BertrandRussell · 10/04/2019 11:03

“Medical science is bloody great if you don't want a three day labour culminating in death, like Queen Charlotte”

Did anyone say it wasn’t? Hmm

BarrenFieldofFucks · 10/04/2019 11:12

Who is avoiding science?! In an ideal world I'd minimise the amount of drugs I took in labour. Not the same thing.

BoffinMum · 10/04/2019 11:37

Chill folks, I was just making a general observation.

I have encountered purist nutters but it usually goes out of the window when things get tough.

dorisdog · 10/04/2019 11:41

Neither of you ABU, IMO. People like to boast/talk about their birth experiences because it's a massive deal AND birth often gets weirdly competitive. I'm sure I've accidentally annoyed ppl with my birth-horrorstory-overshares before Grin

BasiliskStare · 10/04/2019 11:54

@Terribletwosphase - My son was an emergency CS after two days of labour. Because of various things they discovered I could not give birth with out a C Section. This is a long time ago and a woman had threatened to sue for having a C section at the time and depriving her of a " natural" birth. When the doctor politely suggested a C Section I said to him " what happens if I don't - to which he replied - first the baby will die and then you will. At which point I said well let's have one - sounds good to me. My lovely lovely GP who had 3 children - said - your job is just getting that baby out whichever way it works out ( she did not know at the time I could not do a vaginal birth, but I love her for saying that)

I have to say - even though C section , I just smile at people who say they have done it "the right way" - DS came out healthy and it hasn't mattered one jot re bonding etc etc.

For the avoidance of doubt I am talking about a C Section which was medically needed - not elective. So - Sorry if that is not relevant entirely to the thread, I did after the first day ask for some pain relief - had tried a tens machine and it was as someone said to me for me like being tickled with a feather whilst someone cuts your leg off. So I had an epidural for 2nd day.

Each to their own.

BertrandRussell · 10/04/2019 12:02

I have a lot of friends Quinoa Community and I have never encountered any of these “purists” of which you speak. I think they only exist in Anecdotage.

doIreallyneedto · 10/04/2019 15:20

@BoffinMum - let me fix that for you:
Chill folks, I was just making a general observation goady point.

BertrandRussell · 10/04/2019 16:02

If people who do not have horrendous births, and who manage to breastfeed without going through serious struggles are inhibited from talking about it, we are presenting a very unbalanced view to new parents...

PCohle · 10/04/2019 16:15

I really don't see why suggesting that women don't announce their baby's birth with dickish status like "total natural birth, I am a lioness!" is somehow inhibiting women from talking about their "natural" births when it is appropriate and relevant to do so.

BertrandRussell · 10/04/2019 16:26

Would people object to “That
was the most horrendous 3 days of my life-everything that could go wrong did go wrong and it ended in an emergency section. I feel as if i’ve been run over by a bus! Managed to keep positive throughout throughout- like I do! and here is our gorgeous X. Worth every awful minute” which is, roughly (changed a bit so it can’t be searched) what a friend of mine put on FB recently?