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AIBU?

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Original poster

All natural birth?

565 replies

TerribleTwosPhase · 07/04/2019 11:08

Ok first time posting on AIBU so putting my hard hat on for this one...
Do you genuinely believe that having a baby with no pain relief/intervention or anything makes it a superior birth to someone who hasn't?
Before I had DD I was quite relaxed about my birth plan, didn't want any pain relief or anything if I could manage it, but wasn't against it. In the end after 3 days of labour with a back to back baby and not progressing I had to have an epidural. Fine that's what needed to happen to safely deliver my baby, and as my body was starting to have issues it was the safest way of processing for us both if I needed an emergency c section. I have no issues with this and understand it's just what had to happen, not my ideal birth but we are both happy and healthy so that's all that matters.
Woman on my Facebook has just announced her babies birth with the line " total natural birth, I am a lioness!"
AIBU to think that this is a bit ridiculous, be proud of yourself fair enough, but do we really need to make people feel bad about how they gave birth? Do you secretly feel better about yourself knowing you done it with no pain relief?
I'm really not trying to be goady here please don't take it like that, but does the fact that everything went textbook for someone mean it's more noteworthy than for someone who didn't? I see so many women on here who are disappointed with their birth experiences and I think things like this surely can't help?

OP posts:
sunshinelollipopsrainbows · 09/04/2019 15:25

tical of myself* so I feel ok about being proud. I think any woman however she goes through it is awesome cos its hard & painful work.

BertrandRussell · 09/04/2019 15:25

OK. I feel I am losing my grip on reality here. Please can someone confirm that “a bit dickish” and “a total cunt” are not even remotely similar?

KateTTC123 · 09/04/2019 15:26

Also, the feminist in me can't help but think there must be something in the idea that women who can endure more pain than others are better; surely that's not an empowering idea??

doIreallyneedto · 09/04/2019 15:31

@KateTTC123 - Also, the feminist in me can't help but think there must be something in the idea that women who can endure more pain than others are better; surely that's not an empowering idea??

Nobody here has claimed that women who endure more pain are better than others!

The feminist in me thinks that supporting women to achieve the birth experience they would like is, in fact, empowering. Deriding women for their choice to go med free or for their choice to take meds at any stage is not an empowering idea.

LaurieMarlow · 09/04/2019 15:32

Okay, having reflected on this a little I have a question.

Would those on this thread who say they're proud of their 'natural' birth also express pride in an epidural birth or a c section?

NewAccount270219 · 09/04/2019 15:34

Also, the feminist in me can't help but think there must be something in the idea that women who can endure more pain than others are better; surely that's not an empowering idea??

Again, that's not as specific to birth as everyone is claiming. There's a reason that men are less likely to go to the doctor than women - because 'stoicism' is valued, even at the expense of health. Also, I've been with my friend who has a needle phobia when she's needed to have that numbing spray thing for a blood test and seen the look on HCP's faces - it's absolutely not true that birth is the only place where people congratulate themselves on their high pain threshold, etc.

BertrandRussell · 09/04/2019 15:35

“The feminist in me thinks that supporting women to achieve the birth experience they would like is, in fact, empowering. Deriding women for their choice to go med free or for their choice to take meds at any stage is not an empowering idea.”

Yes, this. And women being allowed to acknowledge achievements, whatever they are, and not shut up about them or apologize for them. And not be called vile cunts because they aren’t self effacing enough.

Delatron · 09/04/2019 15:38

Agree Laurie that’s the crux of it. You’re saying you’re proud about something that is mainly down to luck. When many women end up with c-sections and don’t feel proud. They feel like they’ve failed.

Why do you feel ‘proud’ of your ‘natural’ birth?

NewAccount270219 · 09/04/2019 15:38

Would those on this thread who say they're proud of their 'natural' birth also express pride in an epidural birth or a c section?

Absolutely. I was pretty proud of myself after I gave birth - I did feel like I'd done something amazing - but I felt lucky it had gone pretty straightforwardly (and a bit pissed off that I'd had so little medical care), I wouldn't have felt any less proud if it had been harder and more complicated. Mostly I was proud that I had made the single most perfect baby in the world (yeah, he's my PFB) and that would have been the case however he came out.

Fuckedoffat48b · 09/04/2019 15:39

OP I had an epidural during a two day posterior labour five months ago I, like you think it helped avoid further intervention. I'm a little miffed my labour wasn't straight forward enough to manage with gas and air/a pool, but I actually managed much longer with no pain relief (24h) than someone who popped one out much quicker!

BertrandRussell · 09/04/2019 15:41

“Would those on this thread who say they're proud of their 'natural' birth also express pride in an epidural birth or a c section?”

Well, I wouldn’t specifically,because that was not the sort of birth I wanted. But I would still be proud of having gone through a challenging and life changing experience and emerged with a heslthy baby at the end. But I know women who are rightly proud of having advocated for themselves to get the birth they wanted- a lot of women who feel a Caesarian is best for them have to fight incredibly hard to get one,

NewAccount270219 · 09/04/2019 15:41

Incidentally, a friend of mine did go on at me about how I had 'no idea' how much harder it had been for his wife, who had had a much longer labour and an emergency C-section, and while that did piss me off a bit that was only because he was saying it (you have no idea what any of it is like, mate!), if she had I wouldn't have taken it as an implicit criticism of me that she was proud of how much more she had endured

PCohle · 09/04/2019 15:44

Yes, this. And women being allowed to acknowledge achievements, whatever they are, and not shut up about them or apologize for them. And not be called vile cunts because they aren’t self effacing enough.

But Bertrand you said that "calling yourself a lioness is a bit dickish",
presumably because it isn't "self effacing enough". So surely you are condemning behaviour that you yourself participate in.

BertrandRussell · 09/04/2019 15:45

“When many women end up with c-sections and don’t feel proud. They feel like they’ve failed”

Yes and that is utter crap and we should be doing something about it. I don’t know what- I certainly think the NCT needs to look at it’s policies on this. But not by bashing other women.

BertrandRussell · 09/04/2019 15:50

PCohl- I can only assume i’ve upset you on another thread- maybe you’re not a feminist, or like grammar schools or hate cake or are a brexiter or something..........I honestly can’t think of any other reason for your constant vigilance!

LaurieMarlow · 09/04/2019 15:51

Well, I wouldn’t specifically,because that was not the sort of birth I wanted

Okay, thanks.

What if you’d had placenta previa or similar or had to be induced via drip and a ‘natural’ birth was impossible/made exceptionally difficult.

Would you have felt pride in a section/epidural birth then?

BertrandRussell · 09/04/2019 15:55

“Would you have felt pride in a section/epidural birth then?”

I would have felt pride in having dealt with a difficult and potentially dangerous situation and in producing an amazing baby.

LaurieMarlow · 09/04/2019 15:58

i would have felt pride in having dealt with a difficult and potentially dangerous situation and in producing an amazing baby.

Interesting.

That doesn’t sound like you would have been proud of your birth experience.

That’s not in any way a criticism mind. Just an observation.

PCohle · 09/04/2019 16:09

I've suggested you are being fairly hypocritical based on a couple of statements you've made on this thread.

That's hardly "constant vigilance" or some kind of weird vendetta against you I've dragged over from other threads. I assure you my issues with what you've said on this thread are based entirely on this thread.

NewAccount270219 · 09/04/2019 16:27

I shouldn't speak for Bertrand, but why is 'pride in having dealt with a difficult and potentially dangerous situation' not feeling pride in your birth experience? That's basically how I felt after birth - I didn't think I'd get through that but I did! - and to me that is what feeling proud of it means, feeling like I did my best in coping with a very, very hard thing.

BertrandRussell · 09/04/2019 16:27

LawrieMarlow- i’m not sure what you want me to say here......l.l,

LaurieMarlow · 09/04/2019 16:32

LawrieMarlow- i’m not sure what you want me to say here

Nothing necessarily, I'm just trying to process it.

Sagradafamiliar · 09/04/2019 16:34

I saw what you did there, laurie. Don't try and lead people into saying things. There's been enough bad feeling in the thread, no need to conjure up even more.

Parker231 · 09/04/2019 16:35

I had an epidural early in labour - it was what I’d always wanted. I was incredibly proud of myself as I would expect anyone to be if they’d had a baby.

LaurieMarlow · 09/04/2019 16:36

I saw what you did there, laurie. Don't try and lead people into saying things. There's been enough bad feeling in the thread, no need to conjure up even more.

Um, what?

I’m trying to understand a response in more detail. What exactly have I done wrong?

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