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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

All natural birth?

565 replies

TerribleTwosPhase · 07/04/2019 11:08

Ok first time posting on AIBU so putting my hard hat on for this one...
Do you genuinely believe that having a baby with no pain relief/intervention or anything makes it a superior birth to someone who hasn't?
Before I had DD I was quite relaxed about my birth plan, didn't want any pain relief or anything if I could manage it, but wasn't against it. In the end after 3 days of labour with a back to back baby and not progressing I had to have an epidural. Fine that's what needed to happen to safely deliver my baby, and as my body was starting to have issues it was the safest way of processing for us both if I needed an emergency c section. I have no issues with this and understand it's just what had to happen, not my ideal birth but we are both happy and healthy so that's all that matters.
Woman on my Facebook has just announced her babies birth with the line " total natural birth, I am a lioness!"
AIBU to think that this is a bit ridiculous, be proud of yourself fair enough, but do we really need to make people feel bad about how they gave birth? Do you secretly feel better about yourself knowing you done it with no pain relief?
I'm really not trying to be goady here please don't take it like that, but does the fact that everything went textbook for someone mean it's more noteworthy than for someone who didn't? I see so many women on here who are disappointed with their birth experiences and I think things like this surely can't help?

OP posts:
PCohle · 08/04/2019 22:36

I'm really not trying to be goady, nor do I think I'm being obtuse.

A lot of posters on this thread seem very uncomfortable when presented with the logical conclusions of what they have said.

They then seem to deny having made certain statements, add exculpatory explanations and caveats that were not originally included and/or claim that their words are being "twisted".

Eateneasterchocsalready · 08/04/2019 22:41

Luck and genetics, timing is pretty much all of it.

How can it not be? Women don't choose to have too small hips, and baby too large head, they don't choose and can't prevent pre eclampsia, undiagnosed fibroids... back to back etc.

They can't wave magic wands and stay healthy without flu, they can't prevent placenta pravia.

My first labour was a gentle two days build up, creshendo at 5 hours established labour ... lot's of essential oil massage... breathing, birth oils. .

I. Was lucky. I didn't do anything . Firstly I was lucky the baby and my size were compatible and nothing got stuck... she came out nearly the right way.

I was lucky. Secondly. Essential oils and massage didn't prevent anything else.

BarrenFieldofFucks · 08/04/2019 22:41

Do you believe they can make a difference or not?

doIreallyneedto · 08/04/2019 22:44

@PCohle - A lot of posters on this thread seem very uncomfortable when presented with the logical conclusions of what they have said.

Your grasp of logic seems very flawed. Your "conclusions" are in no way based on logic. They involve extrapolation to an extreme degree.

LaurieMarlow · 08/04/2019 22:52

Your grasp of logic seems very flawed. Your "conclusions" are in no way based on logic.

I agree totally with PCohles conclusions actually.

So she’s not the only one.

doIreallyneedto · 08/04/2019 22:57

@LaurieMarlow - -I agree totally with PCohles conclusions actually.

Then your grasp of logic is just as flawed.

LaurieMarlow · 08/04/2019 23:04

Then your grasp of logic is just as flawed.

Or PCohle is speaking sense. 🤷‍♀️

Eateneasterchocsalready · 08/04/2019 23:05

It's often Been said before but I totally agree that childbirth is the hidden corner where feminism hasn't shone a light. ..

We need to totally re frame the whole issue away from so called natural birth and so called...medicalised birth.

Pregnant women should be asked about their tolerance to pain, etc etc. Asked if they are happy with all the risk of child birth. Present honest proper Risk's.

IE cord around neck, disabled baby's, damage during labour, in continence.

Present honest picture. Present honest picture of elc as well. Then let the woman decide. .. and do away with this... I feel proud crap.

doIreallyneedto · 08/04/2019 23:06

@LaurieMarlow - Or PCohle is speaking sense. 🤷‍♀️

Nope. Definitely not the case.

LaurieMarlow · 08/04/2019 23:07

Nope. Definitely not the case.

You do realise your argument has veered into ‘I’m right because I say so’ territory

BertrandRussell · 08/04/2019 23:14

So. Just to be clear. The consensus of this thread is that there is absolutely nothing we can do to make giving birth to a baby easier or harder? All the classes, reading, preparation, yoga, exercise- all completely useless rubbish. It is all down to luck and genetics. The quality or otherwise of your support in labour? Makes no difference. Luck and genetics. That’s it?

Tolleshunt · 08/04/2019 23:25

Haven't RTFT, just dipped in a bit, but am slightly bemused as to why anybody feels the need to announce on social media what drugs, pain-related or otherwise, they had during birth. Or that they didn't.

Why do women do this? Does anybody rush onto Facebook to announce how much Novocain they had for their filling? Or whether they eschewed sedation for their colonoscopy?

Maybe they do. I'm not personally sure why I would want anybody to know the ins and outs of my medical records.

When somebody feels the need to state they had a 'natural' or 'drug-free' birth, it does smack rather of showing off. Why tell us, otherwise?

Pain relief. No pain relief. Take your pick (assuming you have a choice of timely pain-relief that is freely given - but that's a whole other thread). But keep it to yourself, we don't need to know.

doIreallyneedto · 08/04/2019 23:27

@LaurieMarlow - You do realise your argument has veered into ‘I’m right because I say so’ territory

I've tried logic. I've tried analogies. All seem to have gone over your heads so I'm not wasting any more time trying to point out why your conclusions are incorrect and illogical.

There comes a time to realise the horse is dead.

doIreallyneedto · 08/04/2019 23:29

@BertrandRussell - and the scientific evidence proving breathing techniques and relaxation can help to alleviate pain are also obviously complete bull.

Sausage01 · 08/04/2019 23:39

I don't think I understand why people feel "proud" of themselves for not having pain relief.... I mean why proud? It just seems a bit random, are you proud if you break your leg and don't cry? Get a papercut and don't curse? Have your gall bladder removed with a solitary tear and gritted teeth? Personally I'm quite proud of my noisy rendition of Whitney Houston while off my face mid labour, I like to think it was enjoyed by all.....

C8H10N4O2 · 08/04/2019 23:43

There is an element of luck, genetics and preparation. Anything prepared for is a bit easier to cope with even if it doesn't go to plan. However IME the single biggest factor was quality and continuity of care.

My first was prepared for - we had been to the classes, I had all sorts of breathing and relaxation exercises behind me from yoga, we had done the homework. The baby was my smallest at 8ib and in the ideal position. I had no older children to worry about. It was also an awful traumatic birth.

The others were a mix of no pain relief and one with a bit of gas and air including an 11lb back to back baby. For those, being able to do the breathing etc definitely helped but frankly the real differentiator was an experienced midwife with me throughout, with no other women to care for. That isn't luck its good care.

The first birth had been mismanaged in a very busy maternity unit at night with overstretched midwives running between women and the only doctor on duty being in their new obstetrics rotation, overuling the consultant I'd seen earlier in the evening. The aftercare on the ward was equally stretched between capacity and inexperience. This had nothing to do with luck, genetics or preparation.

C8H10N4O2 · 08/04/2019 23:50

he scientific evidence proving breathing techniques and relaxation can help to alleviate pain are also obviously complete bull

Do you have a cite for this?

My birth experiences are obviously anecdotal so the fact that my births in a more relaxing environment were easier could be just coincidence. However I"ve spent many years under a pain clinic which uses relaxation and associated techniques as one of the tools for pain management. That is a nationally recognised hospital based pain centre and not some quack clinic.

doIreallyneedto · 09/04/2019 00:05

@C8H10N4O2 -Do you have a cite for this

My comment was sarcastic, following up on Bertrand's post on the "wisdom" some on this thread are propagating. The evidence that is out there suggests relaxation, breathing and other similar techniques are useful tools in alleviating pain.

My mother suffers from chronic pain and is, like you, working with pain management experts in the pain clinic she attends. They also advocate these methods as additional tools in her arsenal to deal with the pain.

BertrandRussell · 09/04/2019 00:11

The bizarre thing is that anybody whose ever had period pain, or cramp in a leg or a headache knows that focussing on breathing and relaxation helps, even if only a bit. I just don’t understand the motivation of people denying that it helps with labour pain. I don’t actually understand what’s going on on this thread at all.

corythatwas · 09/04/2019 00:39

BertrandRussell Mon 08-Apr-19 23:14:17
So. Just to be clear. The consensus of this thread is that there is absolutely nothing we can do to make giving birth to a baby easier or harder? All the classes, reading, preparation, yoga, exercise- all completely useless rubbish. It is all down to luck and genetics. The quality or otherwise of your support in labour? Makes no difference. Luck and genetics. That’s it?

The bizarre thing is that anybody whose ever had period pain, or cramp in a leg or a headache knows that focussing on breathing and relaxation helps, even if only a bit

So how many people would post "I did my breathing techniques and managed my root canal without pain relief- I'm a lioness!"

I absolutely thought breathing helped in my first labour. But wouldn't have occurred to me that that was about me being particularly brave: I was well aware that it was because my pain wasn't so bad I couldn't deal with it through breathing. I have also (in totally different contexts) experienced pain that was so bad it took my breath away and made me completely unable to use any techniques. Labour just wasn't one of them.

BarrenFieldofFucks · 09/04/2019 06:45

That's an unrelated point though.

The lioness comment was ridiculous. However there are plenty of things a woman can do to prepare for labour.

NewAccount270219 · 09/04/2019 07:04

Everyone ignored this earlier but I'm going to say it again - lots of people do boast about 'well' they endure pain in other contexts, how stoic they are when they're ill, etc. Lots of people go on about how they broke a bone and didn't even go to the doctors for days. I think it's as stupid as boasting about your labour, but it's not true it doesn't exist.

And people keep congratulating themselves on how sensible they are for having 'all the pain relief straightaway' as their birth plan, but unless you're giving birth privately that's not actually totally in your control either.

It's not very wise to have only one idea of how your labour will go in advance, whether that's completely drug free or an epidural at first contraction. In both cases circumstances might not make it possible. In both cases if it is what you want then you should do some preparation which will not guarantee you get what you want but will make it more likely. I honestly can't see why anyone finds that controversial.

Delatron · 09/04/2019 07:43

Why has this thread moved on to a discussion about breathing?

The original OP was about showing off on social media if you have a drug free ‘natural’ birth. I still think that is a dickish, smug thing to do and none of the other arguments here have made me think otherwise....

saoirse31 · 09/04/2019 07:58

It's the word natural that annoys me. Every birth is a natural birth however it happens or are we saying that if you have gas, tens machine, drugs, caesareans etc that your baby was born unnaturally? That they artived by unnatural means? And I know I'm deliberately misunderstanding what people mean...

Tbh I'd be unimpressed with someone who genuinely thinks that they're better in some way for not using pain relief. It's such a stupid attitude, in the same way are you better than me cos I wear glasses and you dont? That i can run 5k and you cant? That you walk around with sore muscle for a few days before seeking treatment and I dont? Its silly.

That said, however you give birth, it's such a momentous event that I'd pretty much forgive anyone what they said in first few months about it. I'd a very quick birth, which ended with rush to theatre and forceps delivery due to baby on cord and I found myself going over and over it for a few months after. I'd say I wasnt unusual in that, however the birth goes.

BertrandRussell · 09/04/2019 08:03

Yes, I hate “natural” too. I put it in air quotes.........