All natural birth?

[TerribleTwosPhase]

Ok first time posting on AIBU so putting my hard hat on for this one...
Do you genuinely believe that having a baby with no pain relief/intervention or anything makes it a superior birth to someone who hasn't?
Before I had DD I was quite relaxed about my birth plan, didn't want any pain relief or anything if I could manage it, but wasn't against it. In the end after 3 days of labour with a back to back baby and not progressing I had to have an epidural. Fine that's what needed to happen to safely deliver my baby, and as my body was starting to have issues it was the safest way of processing for us both if I needed an emergency c section. I have no issues with this and understand it's just what had to happen, not my ideal birth but we are both happy and healthy so that's all that matters.
Woman on my Facebook has just announced her babies birth with the line " total natural birth, I am a lioness!"
AIBU to think that this is a bit ridiculous, be proud of yourself fair enough, but do we really need to make people feel bad about how they gave birth? Do you secretly feel better about yourself knowing you done it with no pain relief?
I'm really not trying to be goady here please don't take it like that, but does the fact that everything went textbook for someone mean it's more noteworthy than for someone who didn't? I see so many women on here who are disappointed with their birth experiences and I think things like this surely can't help?

To be honest as things stand I think it's quite irresponsible to tell pregnant women that they should assume they can have an epidural and have that as their birth plan because it should be true that they can have one if they want but it often isn't, and if that's your sole plan it would be pretty scary to find out it's not an option. They also have a not insignificant failure rate

I'm sure, in an ideal world we'd all love to give birth without pain relief and for it all to be a breeze.

I think I'm lucky to be alive after giving birth to my son, as is he, but I now know why it was never going to be the pain-free, straight forward birth I wanted.

I'm lucky that my second birth was very straight forward and I did it with just gas and air, but then the circumstances were very different, my children were very different and none of it was in my control.

I did it both times - the thing that terrified me the most - giving birth! I did it and I'm very proud, but doing it without needing my 2nd child's life, and mine saving, does not make me a lioness - it makes me a lucky cow second time around!

Lioness, my arse! She's just a jammy get!

@Charmatt - I'm sure, in an ideal world we'd all love to give birth without pain relief and for it all to be a breeze.

I don't think that is the case. Some women would prefer no meds, some women would prefer to opt for pain relief from as early as possible. Some women are somewhere in the middle. All are perfectly fine, valid preferences.

Ideally, we would all like to have the birth experience we want and I believe information, research and preparation can help us to achieve that, if all goes well. Unfortunately, for many women all going well is not the reality so a woman ends up taking drugs she would prefer not to take or another woman ends up not getting the drugs she wants.

The key thing is to understand that birth is not predictable, and while you can prepare and learn, you also need to realise that you may not get what you hoped for.

“Those sort of views I think are ignorant, offensive to many and frankly best kept to yourself. Nothing to do with your birth story.”

I genuinely don’t see why acknowledging luck and genetics are important, but that preparation and having a clear idea of what you ideally want is important too is in any way offensive or ignorant.

You don't understand why saying women could have had a natural birth just like you if only they'd "decided to try" and bothered to learn about meditation and breathing is offensive?

I had a planned epidural. Fuck the pain thing, this is not the 19th century. Then they realised she had cord twice round neck, tight. So epidural served for emergency c section. Best thing I ever did. My pride is having my baby with me, and that we are both healthy. This viewing giving birth as some sort of competition is ridiculous.

I mean I don’t want to make it all about me but I decided to try. I did a hypnobirthinf course. I practised breathing from about 17 weeks onwards. I kept reasonable fit and healthy and aimed for an active birth. In the end I was stuck to the bed with a monitor on one side and a drip on the other. Couldn’t move because the straps to monitor heartbeat kept coming off. That’s just unfortunate. There’s nothing I could have done. Luck and genetics are mainly what decide the birth you’ll get.

I have a friend who when announcing the birth to me proclaimed 'I only had a little bit of gas and air, its wasnt that bad at all" I just nodded and said "lucky you". She had a short labour and luckily things went well for her. In contrast I had not long before that had a long induction that didn't progress, my baby got distressed and I had an emcs. I was just happy we both made it out healthy. I then got pregnant with my second same friend asked "are you going to try to give birth properly this time?" I had another emcs due to my previous scar showing signs of rupturing, the spinal was put in too high and I nearly lost consciousness. Same friend when I got home "such a shame you couldn't manage a natural birth". Take home from this is some people are just twats no matter how they give birth.

@Bobfossil2 - Luck and genetics are mainly what decide the birth you’ll get.

Luck and genetics contribute to the birth you get. So does preparation. If you hadn't ended up in a situation where you were unable to move around, knowing the breathing techniques and positions to use would have allowed you to manage the process much more effectively than if you didn't.

I had both my LO's with no pain relief and I am so pleased.

I certainly wouldn't look down on anyone who has pain relief I just wanted an all natural birth as it somehow felt more natural in terms of what our bodies are built to do.

Do whatever makes you comfortable.

Having a clear idea of what you want crumbles away when it comes into contact with reality sometimes. People who are lucky enough to have easy/straightforward births (I was one, even though my younger son was stillborn), have no idea what rubbish they’re spouting. Enough of my friends had a dreadful time after having a clear idea of what they wanted for me to understand this.

@PCohle - You don't understand why saying women could have had a natural birth just like you if only they'd "decided to try" and bothered to learn about meditation and breathing is offensive?

Nobody said that. Learning about meditation and breathing will not give you a natural birth. However, if circumstances permit a natural birth, then knowing about breathing, positions etc will allow you to manage the process much more effectively and increase the likelihood of you having a natural birth.

I really don't understand why you and a few other posters are struggling to understand this.

I had gas and air for both of mine. I asked for pain relief for DC2 but he came so quick there wasnt time. I felt extremely lucky. I definitely couldn't have put up with that sort of pain for hours, maybe days without anything else. I don't feel superior to anyone else, or like a large wild cat.

First birth I just had about 10 mins of gas and air. It hurt like fuck.

Second birth I decided not to be such a hippy about it and take whatever pharmaceuticals were on offer. Unfortunately due to a quick labour and lack of midwives I didn’t even get gas and air that time.

Don’t think it makes me better than anyone else. I’d have had their arm off the second time if they had offered me any drugs.

I don't understand the pride thing. It's like a lot of things, when it goes well people over estimate the importance of what they 'did' to achieve that outcome, when in reality a huge amount of it is pure luck.

So much of it comes down to physiology, the baby's situation and positioning, how well our bodies react to the birthing process. All naturally occurring variables that we've little control over.

I'm not 'proud' of myself for staying healthy and avoiding serious illness, why would I be proud of a birth process that needed no intervention?

Doireallyneedto, Bertrand said exactly that "Of course luck plays a part. And genetics. But also deciding to try. Learning about breathing and relaxation."

I'm not sure why you're "struggling to understand" why that statement is narrow minded and offensive.

It’s very, very naive and offensive to assume the birth outcome could have been different if women just “tried” harder and learned breathing exercises.

I “prepared” as much as humanly possible with my first and it still all went to shit. It was a three day labor with no sleep. She was stuck her head wedged in the birth canal - the pain was indescribable, even more so when doctors started sticking their hands up me trying to drag and twist her out - I almost passed out at that point. There was no “break” between contractions like everyone said there would be and no amount of fucking breathing exercises made an iota of difference to the torture I was going through.

It was clear to me second time round you should never, ever make assumptions about people’s birth process as you cannot know what the woman is experiencing. It was completely and utterly different, there were normal contractions, gradual dialation, it was painful of course but nothing near the levels of pain I experienced before. I couldn’t believe when they told me I was at 10cm as I was sure things had to get a lot more painful before that happened. If my first birth had gone like that perhaps I would be as smug as some of the pps but I’d like to think not!

I think you’re mixing up two issues; women being proud of their birth experience, and women judging other women’s birth experiences.

I’m very proud of my VBAC, I wanted it very much. BUT that’s because I felt it was what was best for me & my family. I am not so narrow-minded to imagine that everyone would want the same as me.

I feel good that I grew and birthed three babies. That I didn't have pain relief is by the by, I'm pretty sure had I had the long or difficult labours so many women suffer I would have gone for the lot. My mum had very different births to me, I am in no way superior to her, I just was luckier.

@PCohle - Bertrand said exactly that "^Of course luck plays a part. And genetics. But also deciding to try. Learning about breathing and relaxation.

I'm not sure why you're "struggling to understand" why that statement is narrow minded and offensive.

Bertrand's statement is no more offensive than saying genetics and luck play a part in someone achieving academically or in a sporting arena. But deciding to try academically or with the sport, and learning study or sport techniques can also help.

I can only conclude that you are looking for offence and refuse to read anything other than what you want to see in posts that are coming from a different perspective to yours.

Any woman who has given birth in any way is (imho) entitled to announce herself a lioness. Baby is born, Mama Bear is born (I prefer bears to lionesses ... too much hunting and hard work while the lion sits on his arse so I wouldn't be going with that analogy myself).

I've had three babies and three entirely different births ... first I was all hyped up for a natural drug free birth ... and that ended up as a section; second I was entirely focused on avoiding another section (which I did, but after a 3 day labour had pretty well every drug known to labouring women); third was a water birth at home with no drugs or intervention. By the time I got to my third I was much better informed about our maternity system (I'm in Ireland and it is unnecessarily difficult to navigate), better informed about my pattern of labour and pretty well sure that I'd have difficulty avoiding intervention in a hospital. Was I delighted with my home birth? Too right I was! It was so much more pleasant than the two previous experiences. Did I think it was of any relevance to any other woman but me? No. Am I a lioness? No, I'm a Mama Bear ... just like all the other mamas.

Birth is not a competitive sport.

@Planetian - It’s very, very naive and offensive to assume the birth outcome could have been different if women just “tried” harder and learned breathing exercises

Again, nobody said that. Breathing exercises etc can help to make birth much more manageable if circumstances are such that a natural birth is possible for you. There is no way breathing etc would have helped in your first delivery. In your second, they may have, as it sounds like it was an experience that lent itself to a natural delivery if that was what you wanted.

Why would I be looking to be offended? I've given birth "naturally" (ish, gas and air) myself.

I have no problem at all with people saying "breathing and relaxation was helpful for me".

However, stating that many more women could have natural births if only they had bothered to try and had prepared better, is offensive. There are countless women on this thread saying that they wanted and prepared for a natural birth and simply weren't able to have one despite their very best efforts. Telling those women they should have just tried harder and prepared better is smug and belittling, as well as simply being untrue.

“You don't understand why saying women could have had a natural birth just like you if only they'd "decided to try" and bothered to learn about meditation and breathing is offensive?
That would be offensive. What a good thing that’s not what I said.

“However, stating that many more women could have natural births if only they had bothered to try and had prepared better, is offensive.”
I agree. That would be offensive.