AIBU to think this holiday is too much?

[tootlepootleschmootle]

DH has planned a trip for this summer, wants to book flights before prices go up. I think flight times are silly with our DS, and too much in such a short amount of time. He thinks I'm BU and boring, should I just do it?

Flight to Spain 5am, we would have to get 20mo DS up at 2am to do this. Four days in Spain before flight to Porto. Half a day there and two hour train to Lisbon, two days there. Fly to Vienna at 9pm for one and a half days, before hiring a car and driving half way to Slovenia, staying in air b n b, waking up and continuing drive to Slovenia where we stay for two days before flying home to airport far from our home, which gets in at 6pm, and then requires a four hour train (or 2 and a half hours if he can convince MIL to drop us at another station from the airport)

I'd be happy with a week in Cornwall with DS. I'm happy to go somewhere more exciting, but can't help feel it's all a bit much, but DH calling me boring and saying things like we shouldn't be together if I'm not up for things like this, babies travel all the time, blah blah blah.

If I were you I would reply by saying that I don’t give a shit that you think i’m boring. At least I am not a sad twat who plans his holidays on the basis of trying to impress his Instagram followers.

Apologies for my negativity, but the minute you mentioned he wanted to be like the families on Instagram I hated his guts and everything he did was wrong after that.

I hope you have a nice holiday whatever you decide to do.

Very selfish and unrealistic of your DH. Needs to think about his family’s needs and happiness not just trying to look good. He sounds very immature sorry. It doesn’t bode well for your marriage. He needs to realise he’s a dad and consider his child’s welfare. We took our kids on a holiday around New England a couple of years ago and stopped over in four places in 16 days. We all had a fab time but they were 8 and 10 and we just drove except flights there and back of course. Do not do it. Selfish man.

Oh dear.

Read as an itinerary it sounds more like a parcel tracking update!

Not a holiday

Pre-DCs we did things like inter-railing across Europe and travelling across Asia. Since DCs it's been camping in Cornwall and France and some AI resorts because that is what works with children.

DCs are now 8&6. We've been watching Race around the World and the kids have loved it. When they are Scouts (11+) and able to travel light and carry their own bags, it's a serious consideration to do some travelling around Europe. A car camping tour of Iceland is on the list before that. But they're still not quite there yet. They still need toys, playtime and don't have the patience.

We went abroad to a AI resort when they were 18m & 3. The 3yo was pretty good, but it was hard going with the 18mo in headless chicken mode, keeping him on reins so he didn't bolt into the nearest swimming pool. Proper travelling with that kind of age group would be very tough going. The family I know who have travelled did it all by car so no public transport connections.

The rest of the world will still be there in a few years after a bit of patience.

My childless friend in her 20s travels all over the place for 8 weeks over summer every year, and I've just shown her this and she said she wouldn't do that even without a baby. You'd be exhausted

Madness, but only half a day in Porto, it is a lovely cit best seen at a relaxed pace so you can imbibe the atmosphere, please don't hurry it.

I read that itinerary, and the first question that occurred to me is: What does your DP do in the way of childcare. Because that does NOT read like a list of suggestions from someone who actually does the grunt work. I feel like the real problem may lie there.

Sounds tiring, we've done a multi centre holiday but with older children. It's tiring, fun but tiring. And tbh, my DC enjoyed Butlins just as much

You really don't want to do that with a toddler, no. It sounds exhausting.

Does he think he's in a Jason Bourne film?

This holidays is mad- it has all the terrible elements of travelling with a toddler in the mix.

If you go, it will be a nightmare. On top of that he is setting you up for failure. Every time your toddler plays up, or cries, it will be your fault. You had a negative attitude to the whole trip and your little one is picking up on it.

How does it feel to not have a say in your holiday? Or... put it another way, that instagram has more of a say!

We had a lovely UK beach holiday last year with a 2yo and 9yo. We did a difference beach every day (so lots of variety) and with thanks to an Amazon Prime craft supplies delivery, we coped well with a couple of rainy days. Not for everyone, but a one centre holiday with kids is perfect. You can properly unpack, get to know the area and where to get things locally.

For you DH, it is clearly about ticking off cities/countries. When we spent 10 days in mid-France, DD was a bit older but the only thing she remembers of the whole trip (and we did loads of great things), is the morning we walked to the bakery and she asked for our pain au chocolat in her toddler French (with a very sympathetic bakery owner!!). But actually, I love that that is her memory.

It's not a race for children to pass through 20 countries before they start school. I would rather DD had holidays that she enjoyed, wherever they are, and if she wants to travel when older, then there's plenty of time for her to backpack across the world, if she wants to. What's the point of passing through 20 countries you don't remember?

Your DH is being very silly, on a number of grounds.

Firstly, he has allowed himself to be taken in by all that shit on Instagram. It's just people flogging things now, that's all. More glamourous and better lit versions of Delboy. Is he always that gullible?

Additionally, he thinks that because it was fine with a portable and I'm guessing pretty easy baby, it will be the same with a toddler. Now this is a mistake a lot of us have to make, in order that we learn from experience. But between the mobile baby/young toddler stage and around 3-4ish, they're just a nuisance whenever you go anywhere good, unless it is very carefully tailored for them. At 1, they want to power walk everywhere and look at what they want to look at, which will invariably be some stupid boring shit you could see at home. Like a wall, or something. And it's actually frustrating being somewhere really amazing but non child friendly with them, because you don't get to enjoy it. You've spent all this money flying to Porto and you don't get to do anything cultural. This is why people do the Centre Parcs, the caravan holidays, the kid friendly Med resorts.

Given what you've said about breastfeeding and missing your son too much if you were away from him, I'm going to hazard a guess that DH hasn't had to be solely responsible for him for any length of time, or felt the real full force of how hard it can be dealing with little ones? He needs to be, asap. Ideally this would involve a solo overnight trip somewhere. That way he can do the night settling in the strange bed.

And lastly, some of these suggestions are just bad ideas in themselves. Vienna in August is horrible! There is no point whatsoever spending half a day in Porto. These would be stupid things to do even without the fact that you'll be bringing a small human who can't compromise and poos a lot.

Oh god no. This sounds like something we'd have done a few years ago - when in our mid twenties and before we had children!

With a small non mobile baby? Maybe if you really wanted to go, they're pretty portable if you get an agreeable one (ha!). With a toddler? Not a bloody chance. Nothing wrong with the seaside and so much easier until they can actually enjoy and appreciate places you're going to.

I've got a baby and a toddler, and I won't be bothering to take them abroad for a few years never mind on a trip like that. We're having lovely holidays around the UK while they are small.

Put your foot down OP! It's your holiday too! Can you compromise on just one place abroad - one flight and just stay there (somewhere with good facilities) for a fortnight or something - if he must go somewhere show-boaty for Instagram?

@tootlepootleschmootle are you coming back to the thread? Have you told your partner you're not going?

Read the full thread - only 1 person said they’d do the trip themselves with a toddler (but that ywnbu) out of 22 pages! That says it all.

I hope you’ve been able to talk sense into your husband.

His threat was what really concerned me though. I hope this is a one off, out of the blue thing or you may find you are in an emotionally abusive relationship.

I’m presuming that DH is your son’s father - if not I suppose that could be partly why he’s clueless. But I don’t think even then he could have gotten to this stage without an idea of what kids/toddlers are like!

I like the idea of making your DH take your DS off by himself on an overnight trip via multiple different connections with different transport modes!

Send him packing by himself, you and your lo head to Devon for a nice chilled holiday

That’s a hell of a carbon footprint for a family holiday

Yes that was my first thought actually and it never normally crosses my mind.

I reckon even the Insta families (God save us from this being a thing) would take one look at that and declare the man a loon.

Make sure he carries all the nappies and the luggage

Fuck no. Just no.

I've got an 11 month old, so far she's been to Cornwall, Norfolk, skiing to France and to Florida. I would never even consider the itinerary your DP wants to do, it sounds horrendous without a child and downright cruel with one!

Go to Cornwall, or spend the entire time in Spain at one location. Pretty sure my DD favourite bit of Florida was just being in the pool with Grandma and me, and just all the attention from family, that much travel would've led to a very grumpy baby (and mum!)

DH and I are relatively intrepid but inwood have serious misgivings about that itinerary without a baby forget with one.

Batshit crazy. Not wanting to do that doesnt make you boring it makes you sane and considerate of DS.

Your DH is indulging in performance parenting, at the expense of his DW and DS. Tell him to stop being so silly. You aren't going to tow a 20 month old around on a nightmare trip he'll never remember just because your DH has this bizarre need to show off.

I was already saying nope at the "up at 2am" part. I thought that was the dilemma. Then I stopped reading the itinerary once you left the first country. It sounds like an absolute nightmare. No bloody way should you agree to it. Fucking ridiculous

I’m all for travelling with children and regularly do but this is madness. Just pick one place whether it’s long haul or local and go there and enjoy. Do city breaks at other times of the year. For example Porto is lovely and worth 2/3 days

Tell him it is you or the travel. It is unreasonable and you might consider leaving while you have the chance because it only goes downhill from now on.

Get him to take the toddler for a weekend City break in London and Edinburgh by himself and then you'll talk.
One weekend. Two cities.