To be furious that DS and friends have drawn on faces with sharpie at sleepover

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Yesterday was DS' 12th birthday. He had 6 friends sleep overnight.

They've been no trouble but I've got up this morning to find they've drawn on the faces of two sleeping friends with sharpie whilst they were asleep.

They have drawn moustaches, bushy eyebrows and cheek roses. I've tried to remove it with them but it's still quite visible. Both kids have quite pale skin which has made it even more visible.

I'm mortified, and upset and angry that DS let this happen under our roof. I was responsible for these kids and I feel terrible that they did this.

I've told DS to carry on as normal and that I'll deal with him once they've all gone home.

I'm not usually very strict and DS is usually a good kid but I'm really annoyed with him- well with all of them tbh but it's not my place to do anything about that.

DS is going to his dads tonight, we aren't together. I have mentioned it to him and he has said I'm ridiculous and overreacting. I planned to ban DS from electronics for a couple of days but his Dad has said he won't back me up so I can't do that.

AIBU and overreacting?!

If the dc are very upset then I suppose explain that he’s hurt their feelings and one day those snowflakes will get into the big wide world and realise it’s the least of their worries.
Normalizing pranks... hmmm don’t agree!

OP doesn’t have to give her son WW3 but saying the kids are overreacting and childish is very harsh.

It’s not funny. It’s just not. It’s a humiliating, pathetic thing to do. At least when it’s a kid you can say that at least their brains are still developing.

But all these adults on here saying it’s hilarious and things like “I wrote cunt on my friend’s face when she was asleep” are disgusting to be frank.

Why do you get your fun and high jinks out of physically humiliating other people? Why do you get to make someone else look stupid so you can have a laugh about it?

And what is going on with all these posters deciding what the reaction of the recipient should be and inferring that it’s unacceptable to feel ashamed or upset that you’ve been made to look an idiot in a public and fairly lasting way? Calling kids snowflakes and saying they have no resilience rather than putting the blame square at the feet of the nasty little bullies who get their kicks out of doing things like this? How boring is your sense of humour that you find being actively and purposefully cruel to be funny?

OP, you aren’t overreacting and it was a very unpleasant thing for your son and his other friends to do. Make sure he knows right from wrong and that this kind of behaviour is mean, not funny. You at least sound like a good parent!

@Bishbashthrash you would join in the teasing/bullying behaviour and photograph it? That feels so wrong to me. Those poor children are upset enough.

As for OP helping them clean it off it's better than let them root around the cupboards trying anything they can (potentially using something dangerous/harsh) to get it off themselves.

Banhaha
I just find it hard to believe these 12 year old boys were upset. Pissed off yes but upset? I don't believe it.

Oh and I'd not have laughed or taken pictures if they were cross!

How is helping them clean it off not ok? They were both in tears. We sat in kitchen together and did our best. I've known them both for years, one has been on holiday with us several times.

I wouldnt find it at all amusing but would stay calm , remove it, explain it to the parents so they are aware of what happened.
I would let my son know I was not impressed, remove the permanent markers and not be inclined to have sleepovers again.
My 3 boys are in their 30's now and I hated sleepovers! Always something to end up being worried about.
Id be most worried about a skin reaction and the boys being upset more than anything else.

“Boys will be boys” is one why men get away with too much, yes.

But “teens will be teens “ is wry much a factor.

They often have more intelligence than sense and they have “great ideas “ and just don’t think the consequences through.

Concentrate on the consequences, how the friends were left feeling, few days being laughed at, wedding pics ruined etc, and get him used to thinking about strategies.

After a spectacularly stupid venture that my Ds and friends undertook, that displayed high levels of skill, scientific knowledge and ingenuity, I had repeated talks about how to alert the ‘common sense’ part of your brain, and to get into the habit of running through your mind questions like “could this end in someone getting hurt / getting into trouble / have I got the right to do this to this property / person etc”

Tell him to ask himself these exact questions of himself. Abstract concepts can more easily allude teen impulse.

Why would they not be upset? They look ridiculous, it won't come off and they have sports to play tidal and school on Monday.

Would you be happy to walk around with scribbles all over your face?

Kids drawing on someone's face whilst they sleep and sexual assault are wholly wholly different things.

If one of my kids had been drawn on I'd encourage them to laugh it off - crying over minor pranks like this is going to make the rest of their life pretty hard going.

I'd warn my kids not use permanent marker and tell them that X and Y had been upset by the prank and that pranks are only funny if everyone is laughing. But I wouldn't come down on them like a ton of bricks because frankly I wouldn't expect them to predict their mates might be weeping over a bit of marker.

OP sounds more upset at the other parents finding out tbh.

“And what is going on with all these posters deciding what the reaction of the recipient should be and inferring that it’s unacceptable to feel ashamed or upset that you’ve been made to look an idiot in a public and fairly lasting way? Calling kids snowflakes and saying they have no resilience rather than putting the blame square at the feet of the nasty little bullies who get their kicks out of doing things like this? “

I do wonder if the reaction would have been different if two 12 year old GIRLS had been left to scrub their faces with chemicals and go round with highly visible joke markings all over their faces for two days.

OP, I've found in most situations the best punishment is for the child to apologise to adults. I'd make ds apologise to the ostend of the other children as well as the children themselves. He won't forget it I'm sure.

I guess all of you who thinks it's so hilarious would be just fine if you woke up and it had been done to you. Not a problem at all.

I'd explain to the kids that a joke should be something that lasts only a short period of time, but leaving marks that can't be removed looks like bullying.

Several of us had sharpie on our hands the other day and it came straight off with Dettol anti-bac hands cleanser. On the face I'd use olive oil first as it's mild enough for anyone, which should fade the marks so you don't have to use as much alcohol. Then use handwash to scrub out the rest and use nail polish remover on a cotton pad for any stubborn bits (providing the kids don't have eczema and think they'll be ok with that), then moisturise heavily to help the skin recover. You can use diluted bleach (7 parts water) but you have to be so careful about quantities with the face that I'd really have to really really want it off and would be tempted to just use the handwash for a couple of days instead.

Ostend = parents

Re- God help them when they are older, as in boys prank a lot, more so than girls. Pen on their face is hardly a crime.. Like someone else mentioned, call the police if you really think its assault. Talk about overreacting!

Why is humiliating someone else funny?

If the boys thought it was funny why didn’t they draw on their own faces so they all looked the same?

I would be going absolutely postal on DS and as soon as he was back from his dad he would be grounded with no electronics for a very long time.

I would red his room while he was away. And make sure he knew how unacceptable his behaviour was.

I had my eyebrow shaved off at a sleepover once!! My mum went mad!!
She drove each girl home and told the parents what they’d done. I was mortified with her at the time (even though I was absolutely devastated they did that to me) but now I totally understand her reaction.

On another note, my 37 year old brother drew on my face when I fell asleep after he was round for drinks.. he put a veil on my head and a can of dog food in my hands and had written ‘just married’ in my forehead! He obviously took pictures and put them on social media 😮

I am a hairdresser. Milk is really good for getting dye off the skin I’m not sure where it stands with a sharpie but might be worth a try

I’d give the boys who did it a sharpie each and ask them to draw on their own faces - if it’s not such a big deal surely they’d be happy to?! Might give them cause for thought. If I was one of the parents of the children this had been done to I’d be livid - have you contacted them to apologise? I would ask all the boys who did it to be there and apologise both to the friends and their friends parents when they arrive to collect. Anyone who thinks this is ok is condoning bullying. I agree it’s not a mega disaster but it should be a moment where these boys learn a valuable lesson about what is acceptable behaviour and how to use their judgement.

PassMeTheWine: draw a Sharpie clown face all over your face and go to work like it on Monday. Go on, dare you, it will be fun!

crying over minor pranks like this is going to make the rest of their life pretty hard going

Yes lets blame the victims for being over sensitive. These boys are barely out of primary school and will have to have people laughing at them for days because of a cruel trick.

It it had been make up or washable pens it might have been less bad but this is humiliation designed to last for days.

If someone did this to me I'd be furious. Most women wouldn't do it to each other its part of a culture of toxic masculinity to humiliate people then say you're a wuss if you don't find it funny. I wouldn't want my boys to have any part of this.

I agree they shouldn't have done it. Not sure it's abusive unless these boys are often the victims but it is unkind and disrespectful. I wouldn't wholly blame your son though - I presume he got carried away with others and 12 year olds aren't the most empathetic of humans.

I'd apologise to the parents and talk it over with your son but I don't think a punishment is warranted. In any case a punishment shpuld "fit the crime" so the most logical would be to not allow the next sleepover but if this is the first time he has done something like this, he just needs a warning.

try meths or nail varnish remover.

That is how you get sharpies off other stuff.