To be furious that DS and friends have drawn on faces with sharpie at sleepover

[peoplepleaser1]

Yesterday was DS' 12th birthday. He had 6 friends sleep overnight.

They've been no trouble but I've got up this morning to find they've drawn on the faces of two sleeping friends with sharpie whilst they were asleep.

They have drawn moustaches, bushy eyebrows and cheek roses. I've tried to remove it with them but it's still quite visible. Both kids have quite pale skin which has made it even more visible.

I'm mortified, and upset and angry that DS let this happen under our roof. I was responsible for these kids and I feel terrible that they did this.

I've told DS to carry on as normal and that I'll deal with him once they've all gone home.

I'm not usually very strict and DS is usually a good kid but I'm really annoyed with him- well with all of them tbh but it's not my place to do anything about that.

DS is going to his dads tonight, we aren't together. I have mentioned it to him and he has said I'm ridiculous and overreacting. I planned to ban DS from electronics for a couple of days but his Dad has said he won't back me up so I can't do that.

AIBU and overreacting?!

Nickpan

Because people with hangovers have done it to themselves.

These boys have had it done to them and the fact that they were crying suggests that no, they didn't have fun at the sleepover.

No one has the right to touch another person's body without consent. There is no discussion to be had, no wearing it like a badge of honour.

You are so OTT @LittleChristmasMouse it's unreal!

So you think that other people have the right to touch you without consent? When you are asleep someone else can touch you?

Ok then if you are alright with that. Good luck

every response is full on drama. Little Mouse.
I am just suggesting it's a gentle introduction to life, and rather than freak the 'victims' out, encourage them to take ownership.
Life will soon be throwing a lot worse at them, than ink

Nickpan

No you are victim blaming what the hell are the victims taking ownership of? Daring to go to sleep?

It is a very slippery slope to encourage 12 year old boys to think that you can take advantage of someone when they are asleep.

If these boys are treated like victims, they may well turn into one of life's victims. If they could take this on the chin, rather than taken to counselling, I'm sure they'd turn out to be better adults in the long run. I think a bollocking for the drawers, and the briefest of 'there, there's' for the facepainteds.
Your reactions seem to be for a much bigger crime than moustaches.
Nobodies genitals were touched, or photographed and shared on the internet.

Oh a quick there there? Is that what you would appreciate if you woke up tomorrow like it and had to go to work?

There there take it on the chin?

And no, this time no one's genitals were touched but let them all believe that it's ok and next time it'll go a bit further until they are aline with a girl who is passed out drunk - after all, it's only a laugh, she should lighten up huh?

They should already know that you don't touch anyone else with consent. They learn it from toddlers. This is disrespecting personal boundaries.

You might laugh it off now but it won't be so funny a few years down the line.

@LittleChristmasMouse it's all about context!

Cab I posted above that it would be considered assault. Truth is the police would unlikely peruse it and CPS wouldn't see it in public interest to prosecute.

But recording a report of assault and convicting someone of assault are 2 different things.

I'm just reassured there are actually people out there who realise that whatever the intended outcome it isnt a highly amusing prank to be photographed and placed all over SM.

Yes it is.

The context is 2 people asleep. 3 others decided that they could do what they want to them.

really? You taken this bad prank, and run as far as assault and reporting to the police, and ended up at raping a drunk girl?

I think drawing on a face deserves a stern word, and assaulting a sleeping drunk girl deserves a call to the police

8yr old DS was pushed over in the playground 2 weeks ago, AIBU to not call the police, and in general run around pulling my hair out?

So cabcab how do you teach children about consent? When is it ok to touch someone when they are asleep? Is it ok to draw on a friend, colleague, roommate on stag, but not on a stranger on a train? Are there other actions ok to do when someone is asleep/unconscious, if so what, and is it ok if they are the same sex, but not if they are not?

Surely it is just easier to teach our children that if you do something to someone you have to have their consent, and when they are asleep that is not possible. Simple. Bearing in mind that technically what these boys did constitutes assault.

"The context is 2 people asleep. 3 others decided that they could do what they want to them"

And what did they want to do? A moustache and red cheeks...

"Surely it is just easier to teach our children that if you do something to someone you have to have their consent, and when they are asleep that is not possible. Simple."

Yes, teach them with an appropriate bollocking

I have not once suggested reporting this to the police.

And my point is that consent and respecting boundaries are the same regardless of whether you are drawing on someone or raping someone.

You need to know that you have no rights over the body of someone else. No right to do what you want to another person without them agreeing.

That is what they need to understand. Regardless of whether they thought it would be funny, bit if a prank it doesn't matter.

You minimising it is what blurs the lines and makes some people think they have an entitlement to do what they want.

@ineedaholidaynow I taught my children correctly about consent, so much so they e grown into good strong men, neither are dramatic or victims. I taught them that sometimes people with malice or bullying or assault or being nasty do things that others don't like, but sometimes a conversation and explanation can sort that.

I refuse to bring up high drama adults like yourself or @LittleChristmasMouse because I find that sort of person emotionally draining and high maintenance.

HTH

And my point is that consent and respecting boundaries are the same regardless of And my point is that consent and respecting boundaries are the same regardless of whether you are drawing on someone or raping someone.

I fucking heard it all now!!! That's proved your mentality @LittleChristmasMouse and you should be ashamed!

And what did they want to do? A moustache and red cheeks...

So what? Did the victims want it? No.

If I saw you asleep on a train is it ok if I draw on your face with a permanent marker?

How about if I cut a chunk off your hair?

Aww why not? I'm just having a laugh

cabcab

I should be ashamed because I understand that you don't touch someone else without their consent? Oh ok then.

Nobody has any right to touch the body of another person without consent.

How about if I cut a chunk off your hair?

Aww why not? I'm just having a laugh"
Well you'd deserve an appropriate bollocking. Also, you should probably have grown out of that. Are you 12? :)

@LittleChristmasMouse

1. My son has had pen put on his face

2 My daughter had been raped

Same lasting effects? You have no ability for context at all and your comparison is bizarre at best and vile at worst!

So that's it? I'd just get a telling off?

And then you would be on your merry way, not at all feeling like you had been violated in some way?

"And my point is that consent and respecting boundaries are the same regardless of whether you are drawing on someone or raping someone."
@LittleChristmasMouse, exactly, boundaries are boundaries. But reactions should be a little different, no?