To be furious that DS and friends have drawn on faces with sharpie at sleepover

[peoplepleaser1]

Yesterday was DS' 12th birthday. He had 6 friends sleep overnight.

They've been no trouble but I've got up this morning to find they've drawn on the faces of two sleeping friends with sharpie whilst they were asleep.

They have drawn moustaches, bushy eyebrows and cheek roses. I've tried to remove it with them but it's still quite visible. Both kids have quite pale skin which has made it even more visible.

I'm mortified, and upset and angry that DS let this happen under our roof. I was responsible for these kids and I feel terrible that they did this.

I've told DS to carry on as normal and that I'll deal with him once they've all gone home.

I'm not usually very strict and DS is usually a good kid but I'm really annoyed with him- well with all of them tbh but it's not my place to do anything about that.

DS is going to his dads tonight, we aren't together. I have mentioned it to him and he has said I'm ridiculous and overreacting. I planned to ban DS from electronics for a couple of days but his Dad has said he won't back me up so I can't do that.

AIBU and overreacting?!

@BoffinMum be warned, the moaning and pearl clutching you're about to get is unreal.

Cannot actually believe some supposedly sensible people are suggesting going to the Police. Over pen. And 12 year olds.
Do you not think they have more important things to do with their limited resources? Like, oh yes, deal with 12 year olds getting involved in gang violence?
I hope if anyone who suggested that actually does follow through in a similar circumstance, the Police give you what for.
Utterly ridiculous.
As for assault? You should be made to chat to people who have actually been assaulted and see what they think to "Sharpie prank at tween sleepover is assault"

I’d be furious too. There’s fun, and there’s humiliating your friends. I don’t think you are being unreasonable.

Well said PopGoes

I can't believe there are people on here not only minimising what the boys did but then saying just wait until they are at uni or on a stag do, they will do worse, ha ha! All because boys will be boys.

Can't believe there are so many parents still excusing behaviour because of this crap saying. Why do women set the bar so low for males in their life, be it their DH or their son?

@Lalliella

That’s hilarious! I would just laugh if DS came back from a sleepover with a Sharpie beard I’d laugh my head off! You are well over-reacting OP. It’s the Easter hols, it’ll be long gone by the time they go back to school.

I do wish people wouldn't be so desperate to get their 'words of wisdom' out there that they don't bother to Read the Fucking Thread!

PopGoesTheWeaz

Yes of course we should teach them about consent. We must also teach them that many of life’s situations are beyond their control. That they may well be undervalued in the workplace; wrongly accused of bias; made to look utterly stupid in a peer group because of a misunderstanding. Early experience of how to cope and survive, is invaluable - & I’m not one of the OPs who think this was a hilarious prank! But it is survivable. Parents must guard against infecting children with their own hysteria...

No need to panic. My sister rang me up the other week to say her grand daughter had maked-up her face with a magic marker and she'd tried everything to get rid of it, but hadn't been able to shift it.

The quickest thing is to dab some isopropyl alcohol on to a small piece of cotton wool. Wring it out if it needs to be and the marker will lift off without a trace. You'll find isopropyl alcohol in those little bottles of video or cd cleaners and if it says there's anything else is an ingredient then don't use it (it's extremely unlikely that you'll find anything else in it as it's supposed to dry off without leaving any residue).

If you haven't got isopropyl alcohol then whisky or vodka will do the job but may take two swipes with the cotton wool, rather than one, to shift the marker.

Before anyone says you can't possibly use alcohol on a child's skin! I would suggest looking at your medicine cabinet and you'll see lots of items - even those destined for children - use alcohol as an ingredient. They aren't drinking it...

There are some really dim and odd posters on AIBU. Luckily not on MN as a whole.

Tomkinz

Magic marker isn't permanent marker.

And the OP says they've tried everything and nothing is getting the pen off.

Why is it whenever something like this is posted people are falling over themselves to say children need to build resilience and not children need to think about consent, children need to learn empathy, children need to learn being male isn’t an automatic free pass to behave in a shitty way.

Armadillostoes
I'm not saying that I agree with school punishing these boys - I don't agree.

But I know that plenty of schools would not allow kids to be in class looking like this and I think it's unrealistic to expect the innocent boys to be removed from their schools on the basis of this.

And parents probably wouldn't tolerate a sharpie epidemic (as OP isn't tolerating it). Won't stop the kids from doing it if they think it seems like a good laugh will it? As it didn't stop the boys who did this.

That is why the schools won't be seen to accommodate it. They'll end up with loads of kids doing it and claiming it wasn't their fault and so can't be punished.

LittleChristmasMouse

I've just written on my hand with a black sharpie. It came off first rub using isopropyl alcohol - which indicates they haven't tried everything.

They've tried a lot of things - but not the right thing!

All those magic markers, permanent markers, sharpies etc are the same and isopropyl alcohol is very handy for getting the ink from them off soft furnishings too. I could have used whisky but the only open bottle I've got is a single malt and that would be a crime.

OP I echo PP, you sound like a great mum and I'm sorry your ex is such a wanker. I hope he doesn't have too much of an influence over your DS, it must be so hard.

christmasmouse I agree with you and think you've done a bloody good job of putting your point across without getting personal at some of the ruder replies you've had. I've not got your patience I'm afraid!

Tomkinz

Yes it does come off easily if you take it off straight away.

Now draw on yourself and leave it to dry for 10 hours and then dry.

LittleChristmasMouse

I'm sorry to say that you're wrong. If you sharpie yourself tonight then wait until tomorrow evening to rub it off, you'll see that I'm right

It'll still come off even in six months' time.

Tomkinz

Well if you don't mind I shall believe what the OP says plus what I am reading on line too.

However, if you are so confident do please colour your face in as the boys in the op had done and then come back tomorrow to tell me how right you were. Obviously you will have no issue doing it, being as confident as you are that it will just wipe off.

They shouldn't have done it, you have explained it. It's not that bad though the other parents may be furious. No kid is perfect and they will all do some silly things the fact that you're so shocked is a bit worrying - welcome to being a parent! Move on, life's too short.

ChristmasMouse your post seems really quite confused. You state that you don't agree with these boys being punished and then go on to try to justify exactly that. I don't think that I have much to add to my previous posts. You are fully entitled to think that the end justifies the means, I personally disagree very strongly. Making victims suffer is just not acceptable.

I think your fears about a Sharpie epidemic are bonkers too, but that is a purely subjective opinion.

Tomkinz you’re just too sensible it just won’t do. Someone will pipe up in a minute that their DC is allergic to isopropyl alcohol.

I am starting to think that, based upon some posts here, it is almost a virtue amongst females to be a complete over-emotional self indulgent nightmare under the guise of being such a wonderful person because you’re just so sensitive. I pray that men don’t become like this, so delicate and easily offended.

There is a middle ground in life people!!! Choose balance!

Armadillostoes

Not confused at all. It is very simple.

I don't think that an innocent victim should be punished. However, realistically I cannot see how most schools would tolerate students being in class looking the way OP describes. It would cause mayhem with the other kids being silly about it.

And I don't care if you think my caution about copycats is correct or not - from talking to teachers I know there are enough daft kids who absolutely would do it because they would revel in the attention. Particularly if they thought they would escape punishment.

If I were the boys mother, I’d have a laugh about it. It was daft, it’s what boys do. So long as no nastiness was involved, you need to lighten up.

Wow... overreacting. I actually can’t believe people would be ‘devastated’ that this had happened to them, and assault!? It’s funny. I would tell DS for it because it isn’t acceptable behaviour and shouldn’t be condoned but it’s not harmed anyone and it’s funny! They will all face much much worse and hopefully if you treat it casually then they’ll learn to laugh at themselves and enjoy a joke.

So long as no nastiness was involved, you need to lighten up.

None of us know the motivation for doing it - but nastiness has already been involved, as one of the boys was ridiculed at football.

OP, good for you for being mortified and taking this seriously. Sounds like your values are spot on. Hopefully your son will learn from you.

None of us know the motivation for doing it - but nastiness has already been involved, as one of the boys was ridiculed at football

None of us know but this is MNet so let’s assume these 12 year old boys are the worst people ever and log it with 101 and #metoo while we are at it

Rather than thinking maybe it was poor judgement

Let’s be drama instead! It’s always better!