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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be furious that DS and friends have drawn on faces with sharpie at sleepover

824 replies

peoplepleaser1 · 06/04/2019 09:13

Yesterday was DS' 12th birthday. He had 6 friends sleep overnight.

They've been no trouble but I've got up this morning to find they've drawn on the faces of two sleeping friends with sharpie whilst they were asleep.

They have drawn moustaches, bushy eyebrows and cheek roses. I've tried to remove it with them but it's still quite visible. Both kids have quite pale skin which has made it even more visible.

I'm mortified, and upset and angry that DS let this happen under our roof. I was responsible for these kids and I feel terrible that they did this.

I've told DS to carry on as normal and that I'll deal with him once they've all gone home.

I'm not usually very strict and DS is usually a good kid but I'm really annoyed with him- well with all of them tbh but it's not my place to do anything about that.

DS is going to his dads tonight, we aren't together. I have mentioned it to him and he has said I'm ridiculous and overreacting. I planned to ban DS from electronics for a couple of days but his Dad has said he won't back me up so I can't do that.

AIBU and overreacting?!

OP posts:
Solange1973 · 07/04/2019 18:16

My DD did a lot worse on her 12th birthday sleepover. All eight girls wrote on themselves and each other with sharpies. We are talking full body tattoos...and they rolled all over my brand new beige carpet and white sofas...I went absolute mad at all of them. My DD was banned from having sleepovers for a year after that and I stuck to it. Now she’s 23 we are laughing about it and she doesn’t think I overdid the punishment. But it was a lot worse than what you DS got up to!

nutsfornutella · 07/04/2019 18:18

Too much drama imo

Can we draw on your face with a Shatpie then? Thought not

ineedaholidaynow · 07/04/2019 18:18

The parents have told OP that it still hasn't come off.

If this had happened to me I would have been distraught having to go into school like that, and I am sure DS be the same. Some of his peers I could imagine brazening it out and revelling in it

nutsfornutella · 07/04/2019 18:20

If it were girls - more likely to have unkind nasty motivations
*
Boys - less likely unkind and more silliness*

Biscuit Really? Hmm

BoffinMum · 07/04/2019 18:20

Mouse, I would cover it with foundation and concealer and then go into work/school whatever. Which is what the mums will presumably end up doing for their sons.

The state of some of these replies, you'd think the offending teens had forcibly removed the boys' front teeth or something. Seriously. It's not assault, and they are unlikely to be bullied for the rest of their school careers about it. It's a prank, albeit a hugely inconsiderate one.

People need to get a grip.

FFS.

ineedaholidaynow · 07/04/2019 18:20

It was a lot worse for you Solange but it appears it was consensual between the girls. In OP's case there were 2 boys humiliated and who had no choice in the matter

threatmatrix · 07/04/2019 18:23

Have you all forgotten that this is the sort of prank boys get up to. No one was hurt so really what’s the big deal, totally overreacting.

Romax · 07/04/2019 18:24

@nutsfornutella

How about pasting the rest of the message.

LittleChristmasMouse · 07/04/2019 18:24

Clearly I haven't seen it but judging by the OPs report it doesn't sound like something that can be covered up with concealer and foundation unless you're thinking panstick.

And honestly what 12 year old boy wants to go into school with a full face of make up on? Just how much would you need to cover a full face sharpie design?

You are literally tying yourselves in knots trying to prove that it's no big deal.

AllTheFunAndGames · 07/04/2019 18:24

Boys will be boys I'm afraid.
What a ridiculous thing to say. The two boys are very upset. You think they're less entitled to be upset just because they're boys. Hmm

Op it is important to teach your DS about showing respect, being a good friend and treating others as you wish to be treated. He needs to know there are consequences for all his actions. It's a good lesson on owning responsibility for his decisions and actions. Standing by, letting it happen and saying nothing doesn't leave him any less to blame.

Gone4Good · 07/04/2019 18:25

You are over reacting. If the boys had damaged your house with sharpies and your son allowed it to happen then you'd have reason to tan his hide, as we used to say.

Palaver1 · 07/04/2019 18:28

One thing your not over reacting
There is a easter break so it would have cleared up by the time they go to school

MaybeitsMaybelline · 07/04/2019 18:29

Omg, my DC did this to my friends DC when I had them overnight. The worst thing was they were going on holiday early the next mornng and my friends were collecting their DC early and going straight to the airport.

We tried everything, even gently rubbing with a green pad. They went to the airport with moustaches and glasses, albeit slightly less dark.

My friend took it in good spirits, thank god.

LittleChristmasMouse · 07/04/2019 18:34

There is a easter break so it would have cleared up by the time they go to school

The OP has already said they are at school tomorrow. They aren't on Easter break yet.

missbloomsbury · 07/04/2019 18:36

LittleChristmasMouse

My what a bundle of fun you are! Have you been destroyed by an earlier experience? In which case I completely understand and perhaps therapy would help. The OP says the parents were fine about the incident which is great and shows balance. Full apologies from the boys who did this of course. THEN LEAVE THEM TO SORT IT OUT. Compared to what will happen to them on the under 15s rugby tour or at endless stag nights, this will be as nothing. More than ever, we must develop more resilience in our children. The world is not becoming a better place....

Lalliella · 07/04/2019 18:37

That’s hilarious! I would just laugh if DS came back from a sleepover with a Sharpie beard I’d laugh my head off! You are well over-reacting OP. It’s the Easter hols, it’ll be long gone by the time they go back to school.

As a more general principle though, your ex should back you up on punishments even if he doesn’t agree with them. Or talk to you so you both agree a consistent approach. You can’t be good cop bad cop with parenting.

EmeraldShamrock · 07/04/2019 18:39

My Dneice BF recently had his eyebrows shaved off by his pals, they're 19, he is an apprentice based in a large corporate company.
It caused mayhem between them, better they learn boundaries early.

LittleChristmasMouse · 07/04/2019 18:40

Yes thanks I do have fun.

The fun that I have isn't at the expense of others and doesn't leave my "friends" in tears either.

And my god how is it teaching resilience?

"Yes son you do have to go to school looking like widow twanky. Oh don't worry if the other kids laugh at you just man up son"

Really? That's resilience is it? What actually needs teaching is consent - you don't touch anyone else's body without their full consent. How about teaching that rather than teaching the victim resilience after the event?

LittleChristmasMouse · 07/04/2019 18:42

Lalliella

The OP has said very clearly that it isn't the school holidays there. They are in school tomorrow. A teacher has seen one of the boys and said that there will be consequences if he goes to school like it.

Hilarious isn't it?

GreenTulips · 07/04/2019 18:44

Do you really want to be the nasty lady next door who made the play house go away ?

Yes let’s teach them that it’s their fault they didn’t find it funny. They are weak because they got upset and cried. LOL!!

GreenTulips · 07/04/2019 18:46

Wrong quote!!

Armadillostoes · 07/04/2019 18:47

LittleChristmas-sorry but I don't think I am naive. I just think that your willingness to sacrifice a victim of bullying for a quiet school environment is remotely morally acceptable. I wouldn't leave a child of mine in a school which did that.

Also, I am not convinced that parents would tolerate a Sharpie epidemic or that kids would want to have one. But that isn't the point. The principle is that you don't make an innocent person suffer for the general good. Or at least, not if you have any grasp of ethics.

Armadillostoes · 07/04/2019 18:48

Sorry obuoxusly should read DON'T think....

PopGoesTheWeaz · 07/04/2019 18:50

More than ever, we must develop more resilience in our children.
Yes, but also more than ever we much teach our children about consent.

durgha · 07/04/2019 18:54

people Couldn't read 20 pages, but I agree with you. That sort of stuff is horrid. Doesn't mean your lad will turn out a wrong un though, sounds like he knew it wasn't right. And he has a good moral compass in you. The minimisers, though ...(FFS) this is where we live now.

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