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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be furious that DS and friends have drawn on faces with sharpie at sleepover

824 replies

peoplepleaser1 · 06/04/2019 09:13

Yesterday was DS' 12th birthday. He had 6 friends sleep overnight.

They've been no trouble but I've got up this morning to find they've drawn on the faces of two sleeping friends with sharpie whilst they were asleep.

They have drawn moustaches, bushy eyebrows and cheek roses. I've tried to remove it with them but it's still quite visible. Both kids have quite pale skin which has made it even more visible.

I'm mortified, and upset and angry that DS let this happen under our roof. I was responsible for these kids and I feel terrible that they did this.

I've told DS to carry on as normal and that I'll deal with him once they've all gone home.

I'm not usually very strict and DS is usually a good kid but I'm really annoyed with him- well with all of them tbh but it's not my place to do anything about that.

DS is going to his dads tonight, we aren't together. I have mentioned it to him and he has said I'm ridiculous and overreacting. I planned to ban DS from electronics for a couple of days but his Dad has said he won't back me up so I can't do that.

AIBU and overreacting?!

OP posts:
BiBiBirdie · 07/04/2019 08:08

Just seen now that the boy is being chucked in isolation at school? Why? How? This didn't happen at school, school should butt out.
It was highjinks, not bullying. A bit silly, slightly unthoughtful but done by a 12 year old, not boys in their mid twenties on a stag party.
The boys who cried will more likely be ribbed for crying. And the parents who kicked off need to be given a wide berth.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 07/04/2019 09:15

I certainly know which parents I'd be avoiding, it would be the ones who couldn't give a shit about the upset caused and put it down to "youthful high jinks".

It's the sort of behaviour that needs to be dealt with now, while they are still young, not allowed to pass - or later they will carry on doing it with more and more potentially serious outcomes, because no one ever told them it was wrong.

Thankfully most people understand that the boys need to be told off for this, and that the boys who were upset and humiliated by this incident should be neither blamed nor ridiculed.

ineedaholidaynow · 07/04/2019 09:58

For those saying it is just a prank, high jinks, boys being boys Angry, would you think differently if the boys had been awake and the other boys had pinned them down to draw on their faces. And they had continued to do so despite the boys obvious distress and protestations that they didn’t want ink on their face as they had an important football match later and that they would get detention at school. If you had heard this going on would you have told the other boys off, or would you have laughed, taken photos and told them it was character building as some on this thread have said?
Or is it only ok if it is done when they are asleep without their consent, as I dread to think that is the message you are teaching your boys?

Aridane · 07/04/2019 10:33

Even if it's school on Monday, you have 2 days to get it off

Er, no - they’re playing sports today (or were supposed to be doing so£

Aridane · 07/04/2019 10:35

Please don’t use cif , nail polish remover without first asking their parents!

ineedaholidaynow · 07/04/2019 10:36

My understanding was that at least one of them had sports yesterday and was ridiculed, so the harm has already been done

Aridane · 07/04/2019 10:40

Boys will be boys

It’s character building

It's a joke and funny

What snowflakes- build resilience

Don’t punish DS

It’s not assault

They’re only 12

Hmm
Aridane · 07/04/2019 10:53

For those who find it hilarious and wouldn’t be bothered if it happened to them, that’s great. However, it didn’t happen to you and the boys didn’t find it funny and were upset.

llangennith · 07/04/2019 10:54

If your 12 year old kid came back from a sleepover upset this happened to him you would roar with laughter slap him on the back and tell him to man up? Really? Don’t believe you.

Sums it up perfectly.

Aridane · 07/04/2019 10:55

OP - you handled it well. Shame about your shit of an ex though...

AutumnCrow · 07/04/2019 11:05

I've long thought that adults who tell other adults who hold a different opinion to them to 'grow up' are ineffectively masking a lack of critical thinking skills. There's a fair bit of it on AIBU.

LittleChristmasMouse · 07/04/2019 11:06

The boys who cried will more likely be ribbed for crying. And the parents who kicked off need to be given a wide berth.

Aah, so it's the victims' fault for how they reacted is it? Not the bullies who did this.

Do you feel like that about all victims? Do you have a hierarchy of appropriate victim reactions?

One boy has already had to play a football match like this and was ridiculed and a teacher at the match told him that if the pen were still there on Monday at school then there would be consequences.

What consequences will the boys who did it face? The OP seems to be taking this seriously but honestly listening to some posters on here if you were told your child had done this it sounds like you would have roared with laughter and given him a slap on the back for being such a lad.

gamerwidow · 07/04/2019 11:07

The boys who cried will more likely be ribbed for crying
Yes because boys mustn’t have feelings even if they are only children. Why do you think the male suicide rate is so high? It’s because we tell boys that their feelings don’t matter and they should squash them down and put on a good front.

UnderMajorDomoMinor · 07/04/2019 11:14

@peoplepleaser1 repercussions for who? Your DS? I suppose that would at least put your ex back in his box (that said, you ex sounds like the sort of dick who doesn’t like teachers/drs/anyone who knows anything).

UnderMajorDomoMinor · 07/04/2019 11:15

I do think DS should draw on your ex’s face to prove he hasn’t ‘lost his sense of humour’.

cabcab · 07/04/2019 13:26

Why do posters think it is OK to laugh at assault

Such bloody high drama and over reaction! Your poor kids must be terrified to you know be kids?

OP you are over reacting!

cabcab · 07/04/2019 13:28

@MariaNovella should the parents log it with the police? Honestly I'm sure it doesn't mean these boys will turn into monsters!

cabcab · 07/04/2019 13:41

I have a great sense of humour, but I don't think it funny to do this. I'd be annoyed at all the children who did it. There's nothing clever nor witty about it.

Who decided you had a great sense of humour then? Don't sound much like it to me!

BiBiBirdie · 07/04/2019 13:56

@gamerwidow Really? We're going down the male suicide route now? You genuinely think a bit of pen is going to lead to that?
Alcohol hand gel gets it off easily and quickly and completely. Instead of making this into something ridiculous and going on about assault, why not actually just use common sense and wash it off with something that gets it off first time without hurting the skin?
I think worse things have happened at sleepovers, worse things happen at school daily, seems an opportunity to teach resilience as schools do now has been missed.
Yes, tell the boys off and tell them it wasn't sensible and such, but people are seriously over the top with some of the crap being spouted here.

JacquesHammer · 07/04/2019 14:00

You genuinely think a bit of pen is going to lead to that?

You really don’t understand the effect of toxic masculinity on society as a whole.

LittleChristmasMouse · 07/04/2019 14:04

Alcohol hand gel gets it off easily and quickly and completely. Instead of making this into something ridiculous and going on about assault, why not actually just use common sense and wash it off with something that gets it off first time without hurting the skin?

But had you read the OPs updates you would have seen that they have tried to get it off and it isn't happening. If you google how to remove it the articles suggest lots of different methods, including bleach (!!) and giving the caveat that you may have to wait for it to wear off and try and cover it with makeup. Doesnt sound like It's as simple as "use a bit of hand gel and wash it off".

PBobs · 07/04/2019 14:08

Just wondering if the boys have gone home yet OP? Did you involve your son in trying to help his friends get cleaned up? I agree it was a horrible thing to do. I also think punishments should be about learning too. If your son had to put in some effort to help his upset friends get clean he might better appreciate the situation.

BoffinMum · 07/04/2019 14:10

I think this is naughty but ever so slightly funny. I would just ring their mothers to apologise and let the lads sort it out for themselves. There's more important things in life to worry about.

worldsbestprocrastinator · 07/04/2019 14:13

Apologies if it's already been explained up thread, but what did the other parents say when they saw the kid's faces?
I absolutely think it's the kind of thing 12 yo boys would do. Equally I would be furious.

Ivegotthree · 07/04/2019 14:16

I would be furious if I were the mother of one of the drawn-on boys.

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