To be furious that DS and friends have drawn on faces with sharpie at sleepover

[peoplepleaser1]

Yesterday was DS' 12th birthday. He had 6 friends sleep overnight.

They've been no trouble but I've got up this morning to find they've drawn on the faces of two sleeping friends with sharpie whilst they were asleep.

They have drawn moustaches, bushy eyebrows and cheek roses. I've tried to remove it with them but it's still quite visible. Both kids have quite pale skin which has made it even more visible.

I'm mortified, and upset and angry that DS let this happen under our roof. I was responsible for these kids and I feel terrible that they did this.

I've told DS to carry on as normal and that I'll deal with him once they've all gone home.

I'm not usually very strict and DS is usually a good kid but I'm really annoyed with him- well with all of them tbh but it's not my place to do anything about that.

DS is going to his dads tonight, we aren't together. I have mentioned it to him and he has said I'm ridiculous and overreacting. I planned to ban DS from electronics for a couple of days but his Dad has said he won't back me up so I can't do that.

AIBU and overreacting?!

Well posters are still talking about the boys being stuck at home until is washes off, so I thought an easy and very effective solution might be helpful.

Lads having a laugh IMO. Imagine being the sort of person who views this as assault! No wonder kids are so wet these days

Jeebus, sharpie comes off with baby oil or nail polish remover.

Exactly Thurman

Joey how you doin?

Seriously? My friends and I did this once at a sleep over, at about the same age. All girls, all usually pretty sensible, all horrified when it was actually really hard to get off. We ended up with all of us covered, as we all went to sleep at different times , it's not necessarily bullying unless those are the normal dynamics.

It was a stupid idea and your DS and the others need to make a bit apology, but it's mad to suggest it's assault.

I think some are missing the point (or bullies themselves who, lets face it, will never actually have a ‘normal’ level of self awareness or empathy). No, this was not assault, BUT these children need to be educated that their behaviour has repercussions that go far beyond ‘a giggle for 10mins before bed’. They did something actually quite STUPID...washable felt tip/makeup hmmmm silly but not malicious, a SHARPIE?! Stupid as f&ck. They need to be made aware the ramifications of their actions...kid at different school, not at fault gets a punishment? I’d be asking the ‘guilty parties’ school to do the same. It’s great to learn that your actions have consequences, especially if you have a DICK for a Dad.

Totally agree

I would be v upset.
This happened to my daughter whilst on her year 6 trip. Girls in her room drew on her and then took photos to send to others.
As far as I was concerned it was bullying and was treated as such by the teachers. My daughter was distraught at the time and I wasn't there to comfort her.
It's not just a bit of fun. The boys were asleep whilst this happened and are now upset. The other boys need to understand how unacceptable this is.

Of course resilience is a major life skill.

But resilience isn't sitting back and accepting someone doing something to you and refusing to get upset about it.

Resilience is being able to take the difficult things and deal with them effectively without falling apart.
No one should think that they have to accept being drawn on asleep because it's a life skill.

I think such a school is ridiculous

I quite agree. But sadly such schools are increasingly common these days.

Imagine telling him “you could be put into isolation..drama..catastrophe” Poor kid will be a nervous wreck if you feed ideas like that into him!

Well, you can hardly blame the OP or dramatic Mumsnetters for that seeing that it was a teacher at the actual school who told him.

If your 12 year old kid came back from a sleepover upset this happened to him you would roar with laughter slap him on the back and tell him to man up? Really? Don’t believe you.

redtulip. I’m sorry this happened to your DD but it is not the same as what the OP described. This was 6 good friends (presumably as they were on a birthday sleepover). Friends take the piss out of each other all the time, it’s not malicious. In this case it got silly but from the description it wasn’t bullying just silliness.

The drawn on kids are upset as per ops description. That doesn’t indicate mutual jolly japes to me.

I'd be super cross and upset that the boys could do this to one another x not over reacting

The drawn on kids are upset as per ops description. That doesn’t indicate mutual jolly japes to me.

And this is why it was a stupid thing to do and why OP is right to be extremely disappointed by her DS and institute proper consequences and a serious apology.

That still doesn't necessarily make it assault. It can just be that the first kids to fall asleep got drawn on (stupid and unkind, but luck of the draw and not bullying), or it was targeting a particular group of children (definitely bullying and much more serious). We don't know. It seems like a lot of people are projecting their own childhoods onto this story.

Will be interested as to how the boys’ parents will react

If I was the parent of one of the Badly Drawn Boys I'd be fucking furious.

ouuuuf an italicised 'assault'.

I think that all of the posters who think it's funny and not humiliating are probably the ones who would be in a row , arguing about who could be first to draw on the unlucky kid who fell asleep.
Having had this sort of shit done to me at the same age - it's humiliating, you feel singled out and ganged up on, and you don't trust your "friends" any more.
The OP did not overreact, she should definitely punish her son - and all the little buggers involved should apologise.

My ds has been through bullying at school that was horrible. If something like this then happened at a friends house, where he should feel safe, he'd be completely crushed.

After about page 6 I skipped out the end to see if the episode of friends where Ross and Rachel assaulted each other had been mentioned

This is bad behaviour that deserves some sort of talking to/punishment, but assault? For God's sake, get a grip. It was friends at a sleepover who got too silly. Stop throwing around the word assault just because you think it makes you look clever. There are real assaults going on in the world all the time, don't dilute the word and insult those victims by calling 12 yr Old friends drawing on each other's faces assualt. Grow up.

Lads having a laugh IMO. Imagine being the sort of person who views this as assault! No wonder kids are so wet these days

This with bells on. It’s a group of young boys giggling and drawing on faces. All this talk of consent and assault and bullying in this context is rubbish.

I think it's ok to tell them all off, don't wait. I would have made the kids call the boys parents and explain what happened,then their parents to explain why they need to go home early.