To be furious that DS and friends have drawn on faces with sharpie at sleepover

[peoplepleaser1]

Yesterday was DS' 12th birthday. He had 6 friends sleep overnight.

They've been no trouble but I've got up this morning to find they've drawn on the faces of two sleeping friends with sharpie whilst they were asleep.

They have drawn moustaches, bushy eyebrows and cheek roses. I've tried to remove it with them but it's still quite visible. Both kids have quite pale skin which has made it even more visible.

I'm mortified, and upset and angry that DS let this happen under our roof. I was responsible for these kids and I feel terrible that they did this.

I've told DS to carry on as normal and that I'll deal with him once they've all gone home.

I'm not usually very strict and DS is usually a good kid but I'm really annoyed with him- well with all of them tbh but it's not my place to do anything about that.

DS is going to his dads tonight, we aren't together. I have mentioned it to him and he has said I'm ridiculous and overreacting. I planned to ban DS from electronics for a couple of days but his Dad has said he won't back me up so I can't do that.

AIBU and overreacting?!

My toddler did this this baby brother.
Took about a week of constant washing to get it off.😳😳

PCohle this is exactly the sort of sloppy parental attitude that is fuelling the the horrific epidemic of bullying and violence across secondary education. If you can’t be arsed to stop and make them think when they get it wrong at a fairly minor hurdle then they get the green light to ramp up the ‘pranks’ and don’t get the benefit of learning to use their judgement. Step Up.

If the school punish a child for something that genuinely wasn't their fault then surely that's a problem with the school?

Have you heard of the "no excuses schools"?

Not exactly crime of the century - you are over reacting

I'd be really really annoyed and ds would be utterly humiliated.
Can't see the humour in this.
To me it's a form of bullying.

I see your ds was one of the drawers. Not on, not on at all. They know at 12 how long a sharpie would last.

I'd be beyond angry. Little shits.

Some very extreme reactions here: to laugh it off as “boys will be boys” effectively (massive stereotype which always annoyed me, our 16 year old son’s always been WAY more sensible than our 24 year old daughter) isn’t good enough. They did something very stupid and need to be pulled up about it.
But to call it assault is also OTT.
Your son and the culprits dont need to apologise to you but they do need to apologise to the friends they did it too and more importantly to their parents. Guarantee the discomfort and squirming that will cause will ensure they don’t do anything as thoughtless again. And if any of those parents choose to give them a complete bollocking, that’s just bad luck and they’ll have to take it.

Not where I live Little - schools' aren't even allowed to enforce uniforms.

As I've said I think the kid's behaviour was thoughtless - I'd have words. But making out that drawing on your mate's face at a sleepover is the thin edge of the wedge towards vicious bullying, violence and sexual assault is a massive overreaction imho.

Nothing to do with "not being arsed" or a "sloppy parental attitude", just a slightly different attitude towards communicating with kids and encouraging resilience I think.

I don’t agree with your interpretation cory
Give them a bollocking by all means
Natural consequences of seeing mates upset and having to apologise sounds good too

I just don’t think the incident justifies the amount of angst some posters (not the OP) are displaying. It was a prank which turned out to be ill advised.

Maybe when the OPs son has his stag night or they go on their first lads holiday they will still be friends and the drawn on kids can exact revenge? Or the kids with the pens could agree to be drawn on by the sleeping kids and then they might realise that it wasn’t the best idea🤷‍♀️

Siameasy

It's not over analysing or catastrophising.

Many schools would isolate kids who turned up for school with a face full of scribble. And the OP has already said that a teacher that saw one of the boys today said that if it were still there on Monday there would likely be consequences.

I wouldn't be saying it to the child but I would certainly be worried about it myself. I also wouldn't think it fair to send my child into school on there own on Monday to sort it out so would need to take time off from work too.

I think the OP has dealt with it correctly as far as her son is concerned. It's the other posters saying it's no big deal and that basically it's the boys' fault for getting upset that are wrong imo.

Well Mouse I think such a school is ridiculous-it’s not the child’s fault but if you couldn’t get the time off work the child would have to be isolated and you’d have to take it up with the school? It’s not great but not the end of the world (again I appreciate it may seem so to a 12 year old but as the parent you don’t have to act as if it is).

Those kids will be stuck at home now till it comes off they won't want to go outside incase they are stared and laughed at. They'll remember this for a long time and feel victimised. They won't want to tell their mums how they feel, they'll be too embarrassed. And the mums won't want to make a fuss but they'll be livid.

Why anyone here thinks this is all high jinks is beyond me.

I now realise we have got to the point of debating theoretical things happening to theoretical children and swerving away from the OP quite substantially so it might be time for me to have a cup of tea and say it was nice debating with you Mouse and sorry OP for going off on a bit of a tangent got carried away 🙈 have a nice evening

I’m with you OP.

It’s permanent marker. If that was my kid that had been marked I’d be livid and would expect an explanation and a good apology. It would be embarrassing walking around with permanent marker all over your face and having to go through the process of trying to remove it. If my son had participated or even watched as it happened, it would be more than just electronics being taken away.

I went to tons of sleepovers and we never did anything that ridiculous to each other.

Boys will be boys my arse. This is why too many people don’t understand consent and think it’s ok to do things to people while they are asleep.

Omg - these schools are not isolated one offs. It is quite common.

And why the hell should the parent need to take time off work and possibly lose holiday or pay? If anyone needs to then it will need to be the parents of the boys who did it surely?

And time spent in isolation at school isn't pleasant. My children would have been mortified if that had happened. Bad enough if they are sent there for their own wrong doing.

I understand where you are coming from. But you are taking the incident as a reflection of you. You didn't do it, the boys did this while you were sleeping. Stop being so hard on yourself and maybe give your boy a break.

”Boys will be boys I'm afraid”

“Bullies will be bullies” - there - fixed that for you.

Humiliating someone is never funny for the victim. And whilst resilience is important, I think teaching people not to be bullies is more important. I absolutely accept that I didn’t have much emotional resilience as a teenager, but if I hadn’t been relentlessly bullied all through my senior school years, this wouldn’t have mattered.

And being bullied didn’t teach me emotional resilience - it just broke me as a person, and left me with a life long history of low self esteem, anxiety and depression.

Also these kids that were drawn on will be panicking it won't come off. They are 12.

So one of your DGS's victims now has to spend the rest of the weekend knowing there may well be more repercussions at school on Monday?
Your son and his friend's behaviour strikes me as a form of bullying as neither victim was able to stop them, and your DS appears to have his 'D'F backing him 😳.
What he might have felt was a harmless prank just isn't so in the cold light of day, is it?

Tbh I wouldn't be furious but I would make sure all involved apologised to the boys and their parents! X

I genuinely can't figure out how people get through life based on MN. Some kids draw on each other and it's assault. The world has gone utterly bonkers.

I don't think I've ever seen such a totally equally divided thread as this one in 15 years of being on mnet. Think I'm somewhere in the middle still...

Has anyone suggested aftershave or perfume to get the ink off? Few squirts and a bit of a wipe with a tissue and it’ll come off no problem.

Joey I think we've moved passed suggestions for Sharpie removals

If only Ross and Rachel had known that time in Las Vegas. I mean, I hate Ross but assault?! Hilarious.