To be furious that DS and friends have drawn on faces with sharpie at sleepover

[peoplepleaser1]

Yesterday was DS' 12th birthday. He had 6 friends sleep overnight.

They've been no trouble but I've got up this morning to find they've drawn on the faces of two sleeping friends with sharpie whilst they were asleep.

They have drawn moustaches, bushy eyebrows and cheek roses. I've tried to remove it with them but it's still quite visible. Both kids have quite pale skin which has made it even more visible.

I'm mortified, and upset and angry that DS let this happen under our roof. I was responsible for these kids and I feel terrible that they did this.

I've told DS to carry on as normal and that I'll deal with him once they've all gone home.

I'm not usually very strict and DS is usually a good kid but I'm really annoyed with him- well with all of them tbh but it's not my place to do anything about that.

DS is going to his dads tonight, we aren't together. I have mentioned it to him and he has said I'm ridiculous and overreacting. I planned to ban DS from electronics for a couple of days but his Dad has said he won't back me up so I can't do that.

AIBU and overreacting?!

God you lot must have been fun at parties.
Have you wondered what the sleepers had done or said before nodding off?
That was why DH got his eyebrow shaved off, he had made up to rule that whoever fell asleep first got a prank played. He didn't account for the fact he nodded off first.
It's pen. It's not a tattoo. They've not been shaved bald. There's no swear words currently razored I to a hair do. It will wash off well before the school hols are over.
Get a bloody grip people.
When kids are out and about joining gangs at that age, a bit of pen is minor.

IHaveBrilloHair

With respect though, what your dd would find funny if it happened to her isn't really relevant is it?

The boys in question found it upsetting - that is all that matters.

. It will wash off well before the school hols are over.

They're not on school holidays - they are at school on Monday.

Say your friends had done this to you or your husband the night before you got married - drawn hideous clown make up over your face in permanent marker. Would that have been funny?

After all no swear words shaved into your hair and it wasn't a tattoo.

School holidays have not started here yet, we have a week to go.

One child played football this afternoon and was ridiculed. The teacher who attended this match suggested there may be repercussions on Monday. DS is not at the same school as this child.

My DS is 11, and he struggles with anxiety and has had panic attacks in the past.

He has also been bullied and been upset as he feels he has no friends and kids don't like him.

He actually does have friends, he just worries and does not quite "fit in". He got invited to his first ever birthday "event" a few months back and he was so happy, he planned for days what he would wear etc, and he was so happy when he got back.

If something like this happened to him, it would have destroyed him quite frankly.

It is not "banter" or a "prank". Pranks are just jokes at someone else's expense and banter suggests a joking back and forth which is impossible when someone is asleep.

It was mean and cruel and done deliberately.

I am not sure why some are so quick to dismiss the feelings of the 2 boys , just because "boys will be boys".

Yanbu. It's cruel and humiliating.

I wouldn't find that funny even if they all did it, but to isolate two of the guests in that way is horrible.

I would be the same as you, OP.

With all the suggestions here surely it'll be off by Monday
I've just washed off a sharpie marker number in the shower using soap and a scrunchy thing.

I think it seems like you have handled it very well, OP.

You have modelled good hosting to your ds by apologising and making him apologise, you have been sensitive to the feelings of your guests- everything the most oldfashioned etiquette book would approve of; there is absolutely no sense that you are over-dramatizing anything.

A shame your ex doesn't seem to have equally high standards regarding good manners, but it will still be an advantage to your ds that you do.

I agree with Siameasy that this is not bullying. Silly, misguided, thoughtless, no sense of consequences: yes. Bullying: no.

I was bullied, badly, at school, so wouldn't want to minimise bullying. I have also seen it at my DC's schools. I really wouldn't say this fell into that category, though.

Very few 12 yr olds (especially when at a sleepover) think things through. They wouldn't have thought: "oh dear, we had better not do this, because Sharpies might be very difficult to get off again." They would just have thought: "ha ha".

LittleChristmasMouse, given your feelings about humiliation, I am surprised that you would regard humiliating the OP's 12 yo as a suitable sanction. In fact, adult-on-child humiliation sounds remarkably like bullying, to me.

Agree with @SwimmingKaren

I agree with NannyOgg nasty undertone to this. Your sons fathers reaction is depressing. Not hard to see why your not with him.

Your DS's dad is well out of order, though, OP, whatever his private thoughts.

BiBiBirdie
Yes, I'm now wondering if they were all up for a bit of a prank until it happened to them.

And you've all missed the Ops update saying that 1 boy has had to play football today and been ridiculed and that the teacher present has said there's likely to be consequences at school on Monday if it isn't off?

TriarFuck

And the adults who are all saying that they would laugh and take pictures?

And, as much as you would like to think you aren't minimising, yes it is bullying and it opens the door to even worse bullying when they go to school on Monday.

This is bullying and if my child was on the receiving end of this I wouldn't allow them to attend another one of your DS sleepovers, I'd also be discouraging the friendship.

Your ex sounds like a real knob. Sorry you aren't getting any sensible support from him.

You sound lovely OP I'm sure you'll get through to your DS.

Have you checked whether they then snapchatted the results to all their mates?

I'm willing to bet that half the school now knows and, thanks to the cheek 'roses' (they'll ignore the moustaches), both boys will get loads of grief about wearing makeup or being gay now and quite possibly for years to come. 12-14 year olds can be utter dicks like that which is how I know the school nickname for one of our local MPs.

OP Vodka on a tissue will get it off, I have done it before. I agree it isn't funny.

(Saying this because I've dealt with kids who have sworn there were no photos of something, but when asked 'what about snapchat?' they've remembered that counts as taking a photo).

Do teens still use being gay as an insult?
I honestly thought that wasn't a thing now.

Do teens still use being gay as an insult?

Yeah the mean horrible ones do. You know, the ones who just love to see a kid turn up to school like this so that they get hours of enjoyment from making their life a misery.

Christ @peoplepleaser1 your XH is a massive prick isn’t he?

DCs usually pick up on this cunty behaviour and form their own opinions thankfully.

You’ve handled it well.

I completely disagree with those who think it’s acceptable. It’s humiliating and children need to know that’s not ok.

I can’t believe the op has said several times that the two 12yr old boys were crying and visibly upset and yet there are still posters saying it’s funny and no big deal.

My 12yr old and all of his friends that I know would not cry or act upset in front of one another unless they were pretty distraught.

Sometimes their reaction depends on your reaction

I'd be furious if one of my DC did this or had it done to them. It's NOT a bit of silly fun, or boys being boys; it's nasty.
I'd be letting all the boys who did this know exactly what I thought of them.
I cannot believe the number of posters who are dismissing it as a silly prank!