To be furious that DS and friends have drawn on faces with sharpie at sleepover

[peoplepleaser1]

Yesterday was DS' 12th birthday. He had 6 friends sleep overnight.

They've been no trouble but I've got up this morning to find they've drawn on the faces of two sleeping friends with sharpie whilst they were asleep.

They have drawn moustaches, bushy eyebrows and cheek roses. I've tried to remove it with them but it's still quite visible. Both kids have quite pale skin which has made it even more visible.

I'm mortified, and upset and angry that DS let this happen under our roof. I was responsible for these kids and I feel terrible that they did this.

I've told DS to carry on as normal and that I'll deal with him once they've all gone home.

I'm not usually very strict and DS is usually a good kid but I'm really annoyed with him- well with all of them tbh but it's not my place to do anything about that.

DS is going to his dads tonight, we aren't together. I have mentioned it to him and he has said I'm ridiculous and overreacting. I planned to ban DS from electronics for a couple of days but his Dad has said he won't back me up so I can't do that.

AIBU and overreacting?!

Ok things that might happen-if they do then I would like to think that either the child or his parents can deal with it. They aren’t worth worrying about as worrying never solved anything.
I just don’t get this urge to try to protect children from every negative emotion or difficult situation. What good does it do? I think you’re creating anxious children by doing this.
I think Gin and TriarFuck are giving sensible ideas.

Planetian
What would you laugh at? If it happened to your child and they were upset? Or to another child and they were upset?

Really? Would you stand and laugh at a child who was upset?

There is an argument about whether its serious or no big deal. Surely it's not up to us to decide that? It's up to the boys who were drawn on. If they find it funny then it's funny. If they are part of a wedding party this weekend or have a family photo booked in or a funeral or something then their parents might not think it's so amusing.

Siameasy

When does bullying become an issue for you?

They were probably upset because the OP acted as she did (completely overreacted IMO) I’d be upset if my child failed to have a sense of humor personally 😂

Try using tooth paste. The original kind. We used colgate original toothpaste to get out permanent marker out of an expensive wood table, when even bleach didn't work. The tooth paste worked like a charm and it scrubbed right off!

I am so surprised there's so many people who would join in the laughing, take photos etc! But then i was the kid who was laughed at at school. If you didn't join in and laugh at yourself it would only get worse and you'd be told you "took yourself too seriously". So you had to laugh to hide the tears and humiliation.

How did it go with the parents OP?

Really?

Do you never get upset about anything that has happened to you? Do you always react to those things as other people tell you to?

You need to calm the fury down and stop whipping this up into something it isn't.

I just don’t get this urge to try to protect children from every negative emotion or difficult situation.

The way it looks to me is the OP is eager to teach her son how to behave as a good host and a good friend and is prepared to give him a bit of a bollocking if he doesn't.

Your disapproval seems like over-protectiveness to me- why should we assume modern children are such snowflakes that we can't even insist on good manners?

You were the one that started asking questions about worst scenarios. I would have thought of it as ordinary parental discipline.

Both mums were ok at pick up. DS apologised as did I. The kids were clearly upset and I don't blame them at all.

It's not just a bit of pen as implied by some posters. They look ridiculous. It won't come off, and subsequent texts have confirmed that it still won't budge.

All kids have said no photos were taken. I've emphasised how important that is and mentioned it to parents.

DS has been collected by his dad who called me uptight and pathetic in front of DS and also told DS to take no notice and never to loose his sense of humour like his mum.

I don’t class it as bullying. I think you risk under mining actual bullying by classifying this type of thing as bullying. That type of analogy, that anything not very nice is bullying, is over dramatic and encouraging a victim mentality

This is a friendship group and a learning experience for the future as all kids will experience ups and downs in their life and you won’t be able to control this. Presumably the artistic members of the group (OPs son and has fellow vandal) can apologise to those drawn on and maybe do some sort of gesture to cement the apology eg buy them lunch or cakes and everyone can get on with life?

You doing very emotionally unintelligent siameasy. Though I am sure you’d just see yourself as cool and laid back wouldn’t you?

Siameasy

Really? With friends like that who needs enemies?

As the OP says the boys are upset, they look ridiculous and it won't budge.

How is buying them a cake going to solve that? It would be bad enough if this was limited to the 5 boys in the group but if it doesn't come off by tomorrow when they have the sports event or by Monday at school, rather than getting better it's going to get worse.

This isn't bullying in your book. What is?

Sound not doing

Do you have alcohol hand gel, the type you don't need water with? Works everytime and doesn't upset the skin.
My DD decided to draw on her brother when they were bored last summer and having "prank wars". After that, Sharpies went away.
I do think you're slightly over reacting, it's banter/capers and they could have done worse. At sleepovers we used to hang each others bras out the window, and DH once had an eyebrow razored off at one as a kid.

people

I haven't read the full thread as i didnt think my blood pressure could take it

I dont blame you for being upset, i would be furious

And if i was the parent of the children drawn on I'd be beyond furious

I can see how the children would find it funny and not understand the repercussions and I'm sure they are suitably sorry

Sorry

Im not sure at all!!

I hope!

It's silly behaviour, but just kids being kids IMO.

Reminds me of a Bingo Night social we had with Beavers once. Youngest son went under the table in a middle of a game and came back up, bingo marker in hand, sporting a badly drawn moustache and glasses!

What do you think will happen if they go to school with pen on? What is the worst that could happen?! Stop trying to protect kids from ever being upset or experiencing an emotion or an inconvenience in life.

They will be laughed at. They may potentially have a nickname that will be used for the rest of their school days. They could will have photos taken and uploaded to social media. This will go on for days if not longer.

It's not just a bit of pen fgs! You stop minimising it because you think it's trivial (by comparing it to something a four year-old did!) It's not a minor emotion or inconvenience. It's humiliation.

And yes, I was bullied. And it hurt. And it still bothers me. It shaped the person I am now.

A joke isn't funny if the person it's perpetrated on doesn't think so. And these boys didn't find it funny.

^ This

Mouse
How is being dramatic going to solve it? “It’s going to get worse”.

I can be emotionally intelligent when it’s appropriate but then there is over-emotional which is the trend these days which is not my cup of tea.

This isn’t bullying Mouse. It’s tomfoolery gone wrong. It’s a one off. Why can’t friends deal with it and move on?

it's banter/capers and they could have done worse. At sleepovers we used to hang each others bras out the window,

Fucking banter. Banter is two-way. And looking a complete fool is hardly the same as hanging a bra out of a bloody window!

This isn’t bullying Mouse. It’s tomfoolery gone wrong. It’s a one off. Why can’t friends deal with it and move on?

No. Tomfoolery doesn't leave 2 children who had no part in it, because they were asleep, upset. Tomfoolery is when they all drew on each other. See? There is a difference.

Friends don't humiliate each other. And it isn't limited to the "friends" is it? Because the boys have to go to a team event tomorrow and school on Monday looking like this. At which point they will face the reaction of the whole school and possibly the school taking action too (which if it's one of the super strict academies won't be very tolerant). How is that enabling the boys to "move on"?

Seems to me what you really mean is let the kids who did it move on.

I asked 17yr old Dd who thinks it's funny, I pointed out the sleeping thing and she agreed that wasn't great, still funny though.
I said I'd have given them all a lecture on not touching anyone sleeping, made the two apologise and helped the other two get it off, whilst trying not to laugh.
I wasn't a bully and neither's Dd, I had/She has battery friendships.
I got my shoes pissed in when a bunch of us camped out as teens, we dared someone to get into a rabbit hutch and locked him in, locked people out in the night, hid clothes all sorts of daftness, but we all did it to each other.