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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be furious that DS and friends have drawn on faces with sharpie at sleepover

824 replies

peoplepleaser1 · 06/04/2019 09:13

Yesterday was DS' 12th birthday. He had 6 friends sleep overnight.

They've been no trouble but I've got up this morning to find they've drawn on the faces of two sleeping friends with sharpie whilst they were asleep.

They have drawn moustaches, bushy eyebrows and cheek roses. I've tried to remove it with them but it's still quite visible. Both kids have quite pale skin which has made it even more visible.

I'm mortified, and upset and angry that DS let this happen under our roof. I was responsible for these kids and I feel terrible that they did this.

I've told DS to carry on as normal and that I'll deal with him once they've all gone home.

I'm not usually very strict and DS is usually a good kid but I'm really annoyed with him- well with all of them tbh but it's not my place to do anything about that.

DS is going to his dads tonight, we aren't together. I have mentioned it to him and he has said I'm ridiculous and overreacting. I planned to ban DS from electronics for a couple of days but his Dad has said he won't back me up so I can't do that.

AIBU and overreacting?!

OP posts:
LittleChristmasMouse · 06/04/2019 13:21

University students pull this kind of crap all the time and plenty of older people do much worse on stag dos etc.

So? They're idiots too and it doesn't make it right.

They've done wrong and now need to face consequences. It shouldn't be a case of the other 2 having to laugh it off or be called snowflakes.

Actions have consequences and the boys that did it need to face the consequences. In some cases maybe the consequence would be that they are the victims of a prank next time round. In this case they've upset 2 boys so the consequences will be different.

SandyY2K · 06/04/2019 13:24

This thread highlights the different standards in parenting.

I would be annoyed about it , but its not really your DSs fault. 12 is old enough to know better and the boys who did it are the ones at fault.

I don't think you're overreacting at all.

I would tell DS no more sleepovers until he is able to come and tell you if his mates are being silly like this.

Pranks are not funny you're the target and it's no suprise some kids behave like idiots with parents who think this is acceptable behaviour.

BarbarianMum · 06/04/2019 13:24

It's not quite the same though ineed. One doesn't joke around with and tease complete strangers the way you do with friends.

There is a fine line bw messing around being funny or not funny, esp as a teen. It's not unsurprising that they occasionally get it wrong.

DizzyPhillips · 06/04/2019 13:25

LittleChristmasMouse you have literally lifted half a sentence out of my post and taken it out of context and commented on it Hmm

QueenKubauOfKish · 06/04/2019 13:25

Of course they're idiots - people are! Of course I would tell them it's not OK, as I said earlier. I don't think it's OK at all, and to be clear, I've never done it myself - I just think it's unrealistic to think a bunch of 12yos on a sleepover are going to be unerringly sensible and grown-up.

Siameasy · 06/04/2019 13:27

It’s character building. Maybe the boys who were graffitied can get revenge next time.
Sharpie does come off-my daughter coloured herself in with one and hasn’t expired or remained permanently coloured-in as a result

LittleChristmasMouse · 06/04/2019 13:27

QueenKubauOfKish

OP has said that she's already tried everything and that it isn't budging and said that the boys have a sports event tomorrow and school on Monday. And concealer over your whole face? Really? Cos that'll work.

My husband had his face painted at a school Xmas fair one year after the kids begged him to. A big spider's web with a spider. Washed it off when he got home but he'd had a reaction to the paint and was left with a bright red outline of the spider and the web, as though he had been branded. Took a week to fade and he had to go to work like it.

BarbarianMum · 06/04/2019 13:27

Pranks are not funny if you are the target

Maybe not to you. But not everyone feels like that. In some friendships a level of give and take is allowed and even welcomed.

MadeForThis · 06/04/2019 13:29

It's a mean thing to do. However I'm assuming they thought it would was off. So more stupid than nasty.

How have the culprits reacted. If they are shocked/upset then that's part of their punishment. If they are laughing then I would be very angry.

QueenKubauOfKish · 06/04/2019 13:30

Oh OK mouse I give in, their lives are ruined Hmm

Still if I was there I reckon I could get it off, I get sharpie off all the time.

SandyY2K · 06/04/2019 13:31

You overestimate the capabilities of 12 year olds to be sensible!

I disagree. It's these 12 year olds.

Many 12 year old s wouldn't do this. My 6 yo niece wouldn't do this.

My DC are older now, but would never have done this kind of thing.

I would say it's more boys, than girls who do this sort of nonsense as well.

If this happened in my house, I would have a word with the boys who did it and explained why it's not funny and ask how they'd like it done to them. I'd make it clear such things can be very hurtful.

LittleChristmasMouse · 06/04/2019 13:32

Actually Dizzy I think your full sentence makes it even worse than the first half that I quoted

You can’t expect 12 year olds to stop in that kind of situation and have the “consent / assault” thought process.

Under what circumstances would you expect them to have the consent/assault thought process?

TriarFuck · 06/04/2019 13:32

@LittleChristmasMouse I would be giving him the telling off of his life, in front of his friends, victims and bullies alike, and give him a taste of what humiliation feels like

So what would you keep in reserve for the really big teenage misdemeanours? All children/young people (in fact, all people) fuck up. If you come down like a thousand tons of bricks on a child for doing something that's essentially just stupid and thoughtless (and no doubt came about because they would have been winding one another up), all that will happen later on is that they won't ever dare tell you when something has gone really badly wrong.

Displeasure, a clear explanation for your displeasure, and a chance for them to put things right would be more productive in the sort of situation the OP describes.

teyem · 06/04/2019 13:33

My ds is 12 in a few months, should I expect him to become a little shit over that time?

Siameasy · 06/04/2019 13:33

Just leave it on the face? So what - you’ve got a bit of pen on your face. What’s going to happen?! Nothing. Pen on your face won’t stop you attending school or playing sport will it?

LittleChristmasMouse · 06/04/2019 13:34

Pranks are not funny if you are the target

Maybe not to you. But not everyone feels like that. In some friendships a level of give and take is allowed and even welcomed.

But clearly not in this case because the 2 boys are upset. So it isn't funny and their feelings are valid.

BarbarianMum · 06/04/2019 13:38

Of course they're valid. As I said in my post of 13.24 it's a fine line - and not surprising that 12 year olds/teens sometimes get it wrong. Doesn't mean it's a huge, terrible thing they've done. They need to apologise and learn from it.

Siameasy · 06/04/2019 13:38

Of course they’re upset - that was probably the point of the prank?!

If you upset someone you say sorry, job done. At least that’s how it used to work before people became so fragile.

Nanny0gg · 06/04/2019 13:39

@Siameasy
It’s character building. Maybe the boys who were graffitied can get revenge next time.

Is it fuck 'character building!' Clearly you were one of 'those' girls at school, not one of the victims.

Sharpie does come off-my daughter coloured herself in with one and hasn’t expired or remained permanently coloured-in as a result

Straight away? And how old was she at the time?

ScarletBitch · 06/04/2019 13:40

Oh ffs it's what kids do, unclench OP

LittleChristmasMouse · 06/04/2019 13:41

TriarFuck

Amazing that I managed to raise a 25year old and a 20 year old without either of them getting into trouble really isn't it?

And Siameasy maybe the boys don't want the whole school laughing at them and continuing with the "joke" at their expense? Maybe school won't allow them to go in with it?

Why are these kids wrong for being so upset? Can you imagine the teasing that they are in for on Monday? Not every child wants to be the certain of attention or the class clown do they? Some are shy or reserved. You have no idea how they will cope.

Nanny0gg · 06/04/2019 13:42

Just leave it on the face? So what - you’ve got a bit of pen on your face. What’s going to happen?! Nothing. Pen on your face won’t stop you attending school or playing sport will it?

More teasing at the very least from their class and definitely older boys. may be used at them for some time.
And maybe isolation, depending on the strictness of their school.
And who knows what plans their families had this weekend?

It's not a 'bit of pen' and you've clearly not got an empathetic bone in your body.

ThatssomebadhatHarry · 06/04/2019 13:43

Hand sanitizer gel will get it off. Use it all the time in work when people mistake a whiteboard marker for a sharpie or perm marker.

LittleChristmasMouse · 06/04/2019 13:43

Of course they’re upset - that was probably the point of the prank?!

Then that isn't a prank is it? If you set out to upset someone then you are not their friend. You are a bully.

Nanny0gg · 06/04/2019 13:43

There are some really unpleasant people on this thread.

No wonder so many children remember their schooldays with loathing.

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