Well, TwatCat comes to tell me my alarm has gone off every morning and on weekends that it's apparently failed to go off.
TwatCat deals with rodents before they become an exponential problem.
TwatCat ensures that no entire tom pisses on my doorstep nor craps in my vegetable garden.
TwatCat protects the vegetable garden from mice, pigeons and squirrels.
TwatCat ensures that my feet are never cold when I'm curled up on the settee.
TwatCat keeps a lid on the Carpet Moth situation.
TwatCat ensures that no dropped toilet roll is allowed to roll out of reach even if it is returned slightly shredded
TwatCat informs me if DP is coming round the corner of the road.
TwatCat informs DP that he's been gone for a whole fifteen minutes and was missed/needs to know about the visiting squirrel/bird/cat that TwatCat has bravely dealt with on his behalf.
TwatCat whinged when DP left the hob on until he followed him into the kitchen to see the pan was about to burst into flames.
TwatCat provided a handy babysitting service for small children. He also notified us when said small children were sleeping and kept said small children occupied in their beds until it was past 7am on a Sunday morning. And he helped with reading practice, along with homework spellings and writing later. He also modelled for many, many drawings even if they usually looked like a crime scene outline
TwatCat greets me every evening after work and regales me with tales of how terrible the day has been without me/that he's been picked on by the big, evil vacuum cleaner.
TwatCat shits in a box that can be conveniently cleaned and disposed of hygienically, rather than having to follow him around with a roll of plastic bags. He also pisses in there, rather than every lamppost, tree, telegraph pole, road sign and corner of a building.
TwatCat ensures that the DP remembers to eat.
TwatCat bravely offers to taste test all meat and fish products on our behalf prior to cooking lest they should be poisonous. If TwatCat won't eat it, it's definitely gone off.
TwatCat carefully keeps your seat warm for you by slipping into the spot before your backside is more than six inches above the seat cushion and will perform a similar service for the middle of your bed and pillow in winter, kindly volunteering to stay there all night under the duvet to keep you just as warm as he is on one side.
TwatCat attempts to bring in things to show us that there is a potential pest control issue under the shed.
TwatCat will remind you that it is time for bed by sitting in front of you and pulling an absolutely pathetically exhausted looking face until you give in.
TwatCat provides assistance with insomnia and anxiety by forcibly placing himself against the person concerned and purring at them to make them calm down and go to sleep.
TwatCat, whilst he does not strictly approve of flibbertygibbetry and non TwatCat related shenanigans, is more than capable of welcoming another person into the house and explaining very carefully exactly where the TwatCat Requisites are located.
And, in extremis, TwatCat will step in at the last moment to help with a Nativity play.
(in reality, I couldn't choose. I've always answered when people ask 'Are you a Cat Person or a Dog Person?' with 'I'm an Animal Person'. But I think cats would probably survive longer than dogs because they can cope going feral/wild far better than dogs - and I'd rather stumble upon a pack of feral cats than dogs in The Apocalypse any day)