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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To decide to stop tipping

188 replies

RevokeRemainohsodit · 04/04/2019 10:24

I'm a middle aged nursery nurse earning minimum wage. It seems daft to leave a tip for a waiter who will be earning at least as much as me. Likewise my hairdresser.

DH thinks I'm being cheap. Anyone else dared to stop tipping?

OP posts:
Worried2019 · 04/04/2019 18:40

@Babdoc What about the minimum wage-paid Customer Assistants in your local Co-Op or Asda? Do you tip the lady at the checkout who is struggling to make ends meet?

Original poster
RevokeRemainohsodit · 04/04/2019 18:46

And those who are saying it's cheap/mean/stingy not to tip - why?

OP posts:
AlaskanOilBaron · 04/04/2019 18:49

What about the minimum wage-paid Customer Assistants in your local Co-Op or Asda? Do you tip the lady at the checkout who is struggling to make ends meet?

I can't speak for Babdoc but I tip because I deplore the state of wages in this country. I can't tip the lady at the Co-Op without making a fool of both of us, so I don't do it.

Seniorcitizen1 · 04/04/2019 18:50

I never ever tip. Bad form to tip

NowIKnowHowJoanFelt · 04/04/2019 18:51

I work somewhere you have all eaten.. and we never get tips.. that's fine.. but it would be lovely if someone said to the boss that I served them nicely, was friendly or kind or whatever. I do sometimes tip, I always try to be kind, helpful and appreciative of anyone serving me in any fashion...it's not an easy job at times.

Heatherjayne1972 · 04/04/2019 18:54

I’m not allowed to accept tips or gifts at all as it could get seen as bribery

Snog · 04/04/2019 19:02

I think it's mean not to tip when tipping is the norm unless of course the service is poor.
My aunt's husband never tips when we go out for a group meal and will reduce his own contribution so that he pockets what others meant for a tip for the waiter. He is usually the richest person at the table. I won't eat out anymore if he will be there. He takes the moral high ground saying it's patronising. If it really was patronising then waiters would not accept the tips would they?

WhatToDoAboutWailmerGoneRogue · 04/04/2019 19:05

Several times throughout this thread many who have worked in roles where they are tipped have said they would prefer customers to mention to management about their excellent service.

Putting aside that I don’t agree with tipping out of principal, tipping is just lazy. If you are using it as a way of saying you were happy and received good service, you’re just throwing money at something and not really thinking about it.

Tips do not tell management how good a job their employee is doing. There is no individual recognition system with tips; even if you have one employee who gets more tips than others, that doesn’t tell anyone exactly what they’re good at or whether they would be a good candidate for promotion.

(Even more telling is that many who receive tips have stated they would really rather a customer be respectful and polite than tip them, which pretty much lets you know a lot of people are rude but think because they tip that that behaviour is excused. It is not.)

Brilliantidiot · 04/04/2019 19:12

(Even more telling is that many who receive tips have stated they would really rather a customer be respectful and polite than tip them, which pretty much lets you know a lot of people are rude but think because they tip that that behaviour is excused. It is not.)

This, it feels like they can treat you as badly as they like and throw a few extra quid on the table and shrug 'well we left a tip'.
'Paying' someone so you can excuse your shitty behaviour towards them - now that's patronising.

PCohle · 04/04/2019 19:21

I hate going out for meals with people who don't tip. It's embarrassing and everyone else in the group ends up paying more to cover it. Plus the sort of people who don't tip are normally so tight they reduce their share to take account of the tip other people have left, thus effectively stealing.

KaliforniaDreamz · 04/04/2019 19:30

adaline it isn't customary to tip shop staff, but if it were, yes i would. I tip all sorts of people!

It was very common when i was growing up to tip bin men, milk men etc perhaps it's a hangover from that?

I am not sure why doing a nice thing is getting people's knickers in such a twist.

robinsarebins · 04/04/2019 19:42

I've never felt demeaned whilst receiving a tip.
Tips make a massive difference to my wages and the life I can afford to give my child.
I don't expect tips, but they are nice to have and I would struggle without them.
I would never remember someone who didn't tip and give worse service because of it, I doubt that happens often.
I also don't agree what waiting is anything like working on a till.
Not to say shop work isn't hard but it's not the same (I've done both).
Im usually serving between 6 and 16 tables, all at different stages of service, sitting other people down, running food and drinks, packing up takeaways.
I always tip if it's full table service, unless the service is awful, which it sometimes is.

Duster12 · 04/04/2019 19:47

People complaining about tipping 15 to 20% in the US - if you can't afford that three times a day, you can't afford to go to the US.

adaline · 04/04/2019 19:50

I am not sure why doing a nice thing is getting people's knickers in such a twist.

Because it happens to some low paid workers and not others. Everyone in this country earns at least minimum wage - who decided that some of those people needed their wages topping up by the customer, and others didn't?

All a tipping culture does is enable employers to pay low wages because they know the public will feel bad for their server and give them a tip.

PCohle · 04/04/2019 20:03

But why is that a reason not to do it? I'd rather do a nice thing for some low paid workers than do nothing for all of them.

I don't think there's any evidence that were it not for tipping most wait staff would get paid more than NMW, so I don't think the suggestion that tipping is driving down wages in the food service sector holds much water.

Brilliantidiot · 04/04/2019 20:23

I don't think there's any evidence that were it not for tipping most wait staff would get paid more than NMW, so I don't think the suggestion that tipping is driving down wages in the food service sector holds much water

I agree with this, at least in the UK, because if tipping were the reason hospitality wages are low, then similar jobs, but that aren't traditionally tipped, would have higher wages - retail and care for a start (both of which I've done) and they don't.
Even if tipping were banned tomorrow, you wouldn't see hospitality wages rise past the national minimum wage rises that have to happen.

On a different note, I find serving American guests confusing sometimes, they tend to tip every transaction, so every time they come to the bar, and even after breakfast where no money generally changes hands so it's not customary to tip. And rather than indicating that it's a tip (the change) they walk away because they expect us to take the change as a tip, so I don't know if they've forgotten their change or not and have gone after people to return it, and offended them! I just leave it in a pile under the till now and put it into tips when they go if they don't come back saying "I forgot my change!" And forgetting change happens more than you'd expect!

uniquehornsonly · 04/04/2019 20:23

Fucking hell, it's not a race to the bottom! Just because some MW jobs have no tipping culture does not mean it's "unfair" to tip others. That's nothing more than a self-serving justification for people who don't want to tip anyone.

Have you ever tried to live on MW? It's inadequate to cover the cost of living because (as pp have noted) the state of wages in this country is deplorable. It's not set to meet the cost of living adequately, only to keep it as a fraction of median earnings in the UK.

NMW for age 18-20: £6.15 / hr
NMW for age 21-24: £7.70 / hr
NMW for age 25+: £8.21 / hr (this one is the so-called National Living Wage)

Meanwhile, the real Living Wage, meaning one that can actually cover the cost of living is calculated at £10.55 for London and £9.00 for the rest of the UK.

So at best a full-time MW job only pays 79% of what you need to live in London, or 91% elsewhere in the UK. If you're under 25, it's far worse.

Tips make up some of this shortfall in the hospitality industry.

This is why I tip.

Sparklesocks · 04/04/2019 20:26

I tip because I want to. Service staff work very hard for little money and it can be a thankless job. And I don’t disagree with not tipping because shop workers etc don’t get tipped, if we paid a decent enough wage to all service/retail staff then we wouldn’t need it.

adaline · 04/04/2019 20:28

Have you ever tried to live on MW?

Yes, for pretty much my entire adult life.

Nothing to do with being a race to the bottom - I'm just questioning why hospitality get tips, but no other minimum wage job gets them. Why do the public have to make up the shortfall in some jobs but not the other?

Surely the argument should be for employers to pay a decent wage, not for tipping people to be the norm.

BloodyDisgrace · 04/04/2019 20:31

If you can't afford it, then it's sensible not to tip. I am not made of money, so I don't go out often but when I do, and if the service was good (not excellent but just good), I leave a tip. Not only because 3-7quid won't break me, but because they do these jobs on their feet all day, on small wages, I wouldn't do these jobs so I'm grateful to people who do, for my own comfort.
I don't tip if I am not happy with the service (like, took too long for a meal to arrive, crappy food)

GabsAlot · 04/04/2019 20:32

i tip if ive had great service-its different in america thney get so much less than the uk and the tip fprms part of their wage-they usually go aboved and beyond whnever ive eaten out there so i tip everytime

not their fault their system for wages is rubbish

uniquehornsonly · 04/04/2019 20:32

Surely the argument should be for employers to pay a decent wage, not for tipping people to be the norm.

Sure. And there are campaigns to that effect.

But until we reach those unicorn-filled sunlit uplands, tipping can help make the lives of some MW recipients easier.

PCohle · 04/04/2019 20:32

I don't find campaigning for a national living wage and tipping in the meantime mutually exclusive.

DantesInferno · 04/04/2019 20:47

@NowIKnowHowJoanFelt I work somewhere you have all eaten.. and we never get tips
it would be lovely if someone said to the boss that I served them nicely, was friendly or kind or whatever.

wheres that then?

DantesInferno · 04/04/2019 20:48

what we need is the multinationals and companies to pay a decent wage, so people don't have to rely on tax credits (and tips of course)