Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Hen party - being told I'm BU

257 replies

samanthajonespr · 03/04/2019 18:21

Best friend getting married, 3 bridesmaids (including me). Chief bridesmaid is her sister in law to be. We've organised a surprise hen party to Cardiff for 10 of us altogether. It's on Saturday, we had 5 twin rooms booked at a hotel for everybody, meal out, activities etc. It was all sorted to be paid for on the day with free cancellation on the rooms.

I'm 31 weeks pregnant, been struggling with SPD which has suddenly got worse this week to the point where I can barely walk. I'm going on the train to Cardiff on a service where I couldn't reserve a seat plus there's lots of walking around the city to do so my midwife has warned me not to go. She says if I keep going at this rate I'm going to end up on crutches. I've voiced my concerns with the bride and bridesmaids in a group chat and they've said that my health and the baby are the most important thing at the moment so are being lovely about me not going.

Then the chief bridesmaid messaged me saying that I'd still have to pay for my share of the hotel room (£80) even though I'm not going because there are no single rooms left for the odd person to take and she can't have a triple room with 2 others as there aren't any available.
Today, my husband, sisters and mum have gone off their heads at me saying I'm a mug for wanting to just pay the money. They don't think I should have to. But I don't think that the girl I was sharing with should have to pay double for her room. I can't see any way around it. Any advice would be lovely as I seem to be on the shitlist because of this Hmm

OP posts:
user1487194234 · 04/04/2019 07:36

I would pay
Would also tell my mother and sisters and probably my DH to keep out of it

JeezOhGeeWhizz · 04/04/2019 07:38

Yep you need to cough up.
Sorry about the spd, but you have to pay.

regmover · 04/04/2019 07:44

Another vote for you having to pay I'm afraid. I honestly can't think of any reason why you wouldn't. You made a commitment that you now can't keep. Regardless of why you're not going, nobody should have to pay more to pay for your share.

Lemond1fficult · 04/04/2019 07:46

If this were my friends we would split the difference, no problem. Then we'd fight about who got the single room. Grin

gauntletthrown · 04/04/2019 07:49

Absolutely you should pay for the room. The others shouldn't have to shoulder the cost no matter what your reason for not going is.

I can't believe there are people saying don't pay tbh!

Loopytiles · 04/04/2019 07:52

Yes, of course you should pay.

MummytoTw0 · 04/04/2019 07:54

Sorry but I think you should pay too
It's not fair on the other girl
Or the other girl
Should discreetly squeeze into one of the other rooms

HotpotLawyer · 04/04/2019 07:56

Your sisters and mum need to back off. Supporting you in your pregnancy is one thing but going on at you about this is not their business!

Take care of yourself, OP.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 04/04/2019 08:00

While I agree that it is only fair that you should cover that cost, it would have been far nicer of the rest of them to stump up the extra £9 each to cover it. It's not like you pulled out at the last minute because you couldn't be bothered, is it!

If I'd been the Chief BM, I'd have at least asked the others if they were prepared to pay an extra £9.

coffeeforone · 04/04/2019 08:00

I think it would be nice if the others to just split the extra cost between them (and you). But they don't need to and of course it's your cost to pay if they aren't feeling generous

FrozenMargarita17 · 04/04/2019 08:03

Do you have travel insurance with your bank or anything? I get it with my bank account so it might be worth checking if you have any to see if they could help

regmover · 04/04/2019 08:04

We don't know, the chief BM might have asked the others and they said no. She might well decide that it wasn't a great idea to pass that information on. I'm trying to think what my reaction would be if I was one of the other bridesmaids. At times when I've been really skint and budgeting for an outing like this would be a big thing I'd have definitely said no, particularly if I didn't know the person who had dropped out.

Romax · 04/04/2019 08:05

As an aside
I just couldn’t be married to a man who kicks off because his wife wants to keep to a financial commitment.

LunafortJest · 04/04/2019 08:29

What ever happened to having the hen's night at home, or at a club? Now it is all day affairs (sometimes even all weekend) with hotel stays. It sounds absolutely bleedin ridiculous!

I don't think you should pay, I think the cost should be spread around the bridesmaids. This isn't your fault. And its not like you booked a ticket to a concert or something. These people are supposed to be friends, they shouldn't force you to pay in your condition. Just more reasons why booking a hotel for a hen's night is senseless.

LunafortJest · 04/04/2019 08:49

"Someone gets the benefit of a whole double room to themselves."

That is a very, very good point! And they want this whole room to themselves while only paying half. Pretty CF to me. They can always downgrade to a single room, or a cheaper hotel nearby.

2rachtint · 04/04/2019 09:05

@LunafortJest they don't necessarily want the whole room, just no choice. They have tried getting a single or triple room, and which 1 person out of 9 is going to want to be at a different hotel from everyone else?'

OP sounds sensible and fair. It's just one of those things. When I organise a hen do I collect all the money before booking and have repaid recoverable costs when people have pulled out.

Order654 · 04/04/2019 09:15

@LunafortJest - did you not read the OP ? There are no single rooms left so they can’t downgrade and why would one person go to a different hotel on there own? And why should everyone else have to change hotels when there happy with there room because the OP has dropped out last minute. She needs to pay. The person that gets the room probably doesn’t give a crap about having a double room to themselves.

Ironymaiden · 04/04/2019 09:17

Hey op. I think you need to pay.

To the other posters saying the other women should absorb the cost? I wouldn’t if I was in the hen party. I wouldn’t be happy to pay last minute, extra for someone who cancelled last minute, unless she was my best friend. I would be already paying my share towards the bride, and would consider that enough.

LunafortJest · 04/04/2019 09:18

@2rachtint Whether they planned it or wanted it or not, they still get the benefit of a room entirely to themselves, at half the cost (if OP pays).

But it sounds like none of them realises they can walk home or catch a cab home (even hire a van or even limo to drop them off individually at their homes) instead of renting hotel rooms. Saving money instead of throwing it down the drain. So I guess they all sound silly to me.

thecatsthecats · 04/04/2019 09:19

Is it the Future Inn? Because they seem to mostly provide two double beds in all rooms (aiming at the friend group market I guess) - I've ben on various hen parties and work trips and stayed there, sometimes 4 hens in one room, sometimes as a solo work traveller!

Have to warn you if it is them, their customer service is bloody awful.

I much prefer the Royal in the centre!

singme · 04/04/2019 09:28

Playing devils advocate but sometimes “night away” hen dos happen because not all the hens live in the same town.

I think you need to pay though. Imagine if another girl gets a stomach bug tonight- the others would need to absorb her cost as well.

I organised a hen do where someone pulled out due to work, she still paid for her flight but we got another hen for the room who had only recently become good friends with the bride and wasn’t on the original list.

Ihavealwaysknown · 04/04/2019 09:29

I’m guessing you have factored going in this hen do into your budget so have the money? It’d be unfair to ask someone else to find the money at short notice.

I’ve been in your position, paid £100 for an abroad hen do, then found out I was expecting and the hen do was a month before I was due, so had to pull out. DD was a preemie so was here even before the hen do!!

Hugtheduggee · 04/04/2019 10:19

LunafortJest
The OP is one of the bridesmaids...

TrickyKid · 04/04/2019 10:26

Why don't they all split the cost between
them? That's what we did when a friend couldn't make a weekend away. It's less than an extra £10 each for them. Your friends don't sound very kind considering you can't go because of your health, it's not like you just decided not to go.

LunafortJest · 04/04/2019 10:27

@singme I remember when people would stay at a friend or relatives house if they couldn't get a lift back home.... I really don't know when or where that changed. In fact, back then if you suggested you'd stay overnight in a hotel, friends/relatives would say "don't be silly! I have a spare room/sofa, why spend money for a hotel? You're not going to a hotel, you are propping the night at my place. I can show you what I've done with the place. etc"

Not sure why anyone even needs to book hotel rooms. For a wedding maybe, but for a hens night? It has become far more extravagant than the wedding even.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.