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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Hen party - being told I'm BU

257 replies

samanthajonespr · 03/04/2019 18:21

Best friend getting married, 3 bridesmaids (including me). Chief bridesmaid is her sister in law to be. We've organised a surprise hen party to Cardiff for 10 of us altogether. It's on Saturday, we had 5 twin rooms booked at a hotel for everybody, meal out, activities etc. It was all sorted to be paid for on the day with free cancellation on the rooms.

I'm 31 weeks pregnant, been struggling with SPD which has suddenly got worse this week to the point where I can barely walk. I'm going on the train to Cardiff on a service where I couldn't reserve a seat plus there's lots of walking around the city to do so my midwife has warned me not to go. She says if I keep going at this rate I'm going to end up on crutches. I've voiced my concerns with the bride and bridesmaids in a group chat and they've said that my health and the baby are the most important thing at the moment so are being lovely about me not going.

Then the chief bridesmaid messaged me saying that I'd still have to pay for my share of the hotel room (£80) even though I'm not going because there are no single rooms left for the odd person to take and she can't have a triple room with 2 others as there aren't any available.
Today, my husband, sisters and mum have gone off their heads at me saying I'm a mug for wanting to just pay the money. They don't think I should have to. But I don't think that the girl I was sharing with should have to pay double for her room. I can't see any way around it. Any advice would be lovely as I seem to be on the shitlist because of this Hmm

OP posts:
wafflyversatile · 03/04/2019 21:06

I think you are right and should pay. It's not your fault - shit happens, but it's not their fault either. If they were feeling particularly nice the could split the 80 between all attendees but they're not obligated to. If you had booked to go away yourself and had to cancel without a refund then that would just be accepted.

stuckinagut · 03/04/2019 21:11

Bummer :( unfortunately I agree with pp - it is just something you will have to honour and pay your original share - not really fair because noone knows how their body will take pregnancy until they're doing it, but if you imagine yourself as the other sharer who now has a twin room to pay for and it is obvious. Hope you feel better.

Soontobe60 · 03/04/2019 21:23

Yep, you should pay. However, I'm amazed that there are hotels in Cardiff that charge £160 a night!

Seaweed42 · 03/04/2019 21:25

I think you should pay. You could ring the hotel and see if they can reduce the cost for you, they might knock a few quid off or let the other person stay at single room rate.
Not sure if travel insurance would have covered this cancellation or not. At 31 weeks pregnant there was always a chance that you'd not be able to go for some sort of pregnancy related reason.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 03/04/2019 21:57

I'm amazed that there are hotels in Cardiff that charge £160 a night!

Meow!

Grin Grin Grin

SchadenfreudePersonified · 03/04/2019 22:00

they might knock a few quid off or let the other person stay at single room rate.

If the hotel does agree to let the "odd" person stay for the single room rate, you should still offer to pay the difference eg if a shared room is £80, and a single £100, you could offer to pay the 20 quid difference.

That's IF the hotel agree to a special-under-the-circumstances-rate.

MyKingdomForBrie · 03/04/2019 22:01

You definitely need to pay, no question! Not sure who your family think should be paying?!

Boopeedoop · 03/04/2019 22:06

Can you not attend in a borrowed wheelchair to limit your walking? Sorry, just throwing out a curve ball! My friend rented a mobility scooter in the latter stages of pregnancy with spd.

Lotsalotsagiggles · 03/04/2019 22:06

Don't think of it as paying for a room you aren't using, think of it as you are paying for the brides share :)

Happynow001 · 03/04/2019 22:45

@samanthajonespr
Today, my husband, sisters and mum have gone off their heads at me saying I'm a mug for wanting to just pay the money.
Sorry your family are giving you such a hard time for wanting to do the right thing OP.

Sounds like the Chief Bridesmaid was unable to negotiate anything with the hotel but obviously your health comes first.

Hope things calm down and you can enjoy the rest of your pregnancy. 🌹

MrsPerfect12 · 03/04/2019 23:00

You should pay. It's not fair on the other to have to cover it. If you have travel insurance you can claim it back.

Dieu · 03/04/2019 23:07

You should definitely pay.
You're going to be saving a small fortune by not going anyway (meals out, etc).

PregnantSea · 04/04/2019 04:20

I would say that you should pay but I could understand if you didn't.

Myfoolishboatisleaning · 04/04/2019 04:31

Your mum and husband are right tightarses aren’t they? Just ignore them, you know you are doing the right thing. Can’t actually believe their cheek though!

EmiliaAirheart · 04/04/2019 05:01

Maybe the other women could each pay 88 quid and draw straws about who gets the single room - like a lottery? Only works if they're all in agreement, otherwise you need to honour your commitment.

Seahorseshoe · 04/04/2019 05:09

I think you should pay. That way, you won't feel uncomfortable about the situation, it kind of puts it to bed for you, as well as everyone else.

I think you would regret it down the line, if you pay, it's over and done with.

Hope you feel better soon.

Gooseysgirl · 04/04/2019 05:16

Yes if course you should pay and you already know this. Tell your family to butt out.

HeronLanyon · 04/04/2019 05:17

CAnt believe the other women haven’t covered it for you between them. Next as you have been told not to travel by doctor not sure why the organiser can’t either claim on her insurance or liaise with hotel. Finally if all else fails then yes you need to pay but I go back to why on Earth aren’t the others covering it for you !!!

todayiwin · 04/04/2019 05:41

I would pay it.

Hugtheduggee · 04/04/2019 06:23

Honestly, I'd gonjust for the meal and night away. Spend the rest if theyou time relaxing. If youve.got aa little one st hike sntwau, it'll probably be a nice break :-)

And I say that as someone who is currently 37w with spd that I've had since early first trimester, after also having it in my first pregnancy from first trimester. I understand the pain, and the difficulty getting round. But if its something you want to do, then try and find a way of it working for you.

You WILL get a seat in the train, and if in doubt phone up and discuss with the station first. Tell them thst your pregnancy has made you temporarily disabled. No one is going to make you stand.

And yeah, you wont be able to walk round the city, or do activities, but you can go to a restaurant (by taxi if needed), you can sit in a bar.

chestylarue52 · 04/04/2019 06:26

Of course you need to pay. Others may be on a strict budget.

Bibijayne · 04/04/2019 06:55

I had to cancel attending a friend's hen whilst pregnant last year. I covered my room cost. It seemed fair to me. It might have mucked up whether other people could afford to go.if they had to cover me last minute.

Bibijayne · 04/04/2019 06:58

@Hugtheduggee

On the train point, GWR will give you a free upgrade to first class if you are pregnant and cannot get a seat in standard. So will a few other rail companies traveling to Cardiff.

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 04/04/2019 06:58

Just pay which is fair and tell family to butt out
Sorry about the pain though Sad

ALannisterInDebt · 04/04/2019 07:14

At this short notice you should definitely pay, I'm surprised you need to ask.

Why on earth are your sisters and mum getting involved? They need to learn to mind their own business.

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