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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Creepy commuting

241 replies

Shoxfordian · 03/04/2019 12:09

Is it just me who keeps meeting creepy men on her commute to work?!

Today the checkout assistant in my regular sandwich shop told me he'd seen me somewhere before.

Yes I said, here, where I buy my lunch before work.

No, somewhere else he says and proceeds to ask where I work, he says he lives near there and how do I get there from the shop?! Then says he might see me later. I said he might not and scarpered. Asking all those questions made me wonder if he was planning to stalk me.

A few weeks ago, a bus driver in a parked bus shouted at me. I stopped and he said you look beautiful. Thanks. I really wanted a random man to validate me. Ugh.

There's another creepy man who gets my usual bus who used to talk to me all the time until I blanked him enough for him to get the message. Plus a creepy security guard at work, who has now left.

I must have a creepy man magnet somewhere on my person. I wish I could turn it off. Argh.

OP posts:
Imicola · 03/04/2019 13:30

I also had a creepy security guard at work. Culminated in him asking me out when I was heavily pregnant. Er, no.

geekone · 03/04/2019 13:41

Your PP OP stating you live in London explains everything. Other than the bus driver it all seems like a normal trip to the supermarket in Scotland. Both men and women would randomly chat. It’s a bit sad really that is now looked at as not the norm Sad

BlooperReel · 03/04/2019 13:41

Bear yep definitely through the floor when pregnant, grossly shot up when I was out and about with baby in a pram and had numerous 'MILF' comments and shouts.

Time40 · 03/04/2019 13:42

A few weeks ago, a bus driver in a parked bus shouted at me. I stopped and he said you look beautiful. Thanks. I really wanted a random man to validate me. Ugh

I don't think that's in the least bit creepy. If a strange man told me I looked beautiful, I'd just take it as a compliment.

BossAssBitch · 03/04/2019 13:42

Imicola
I also had a creepy security guard at work. Culminated in him asking me out when I was heavily pregnant. Er, no

Bloody hell !

There are creeps everywhere, I'm 44 and it hasn't abated although my reactions have, I'm not afraid to tell someone overstepping the mark to fuck off like I was in my youth. I get called a MILF regularly by a particular breed of troglodytes that always seem to wear high vis waistcoats. I have a special withering look for that lovely 'compliment' Hmm

chocatoo · 03/04/2019 13:43

Crikey - you sound a bit grumpy! Why do you assume they are all trying to hit on you? - Maybe people are just being pleasant.

Bobbycat121 · 03/04/2019 13:43

I must be ugly as this stuff never happens to me anymore 😂 men dont even look at me let alone talk to me.

Meangirls36 · 03/04/2019 13:44

You gotta perfect your crazy eyes look. Then people leave you alone. Also just ignore strangers if they talk to you.

Readytogogogo · 03/04/2019 13:49

I'm astonished that there are posters here who think that it's just friendliness...of course chatting to strangers can be friendly, but there is a certain group of men who seem to focus their 'friendliness' solely on women that they are attracted to. Which is not an issue in itself, but the attitude that many of them have that they are somehow 'owed' female attention.

Shoxfordian · 03/04/2019 13:50

It's not being pleasant though.

Security guard said I looked nice then scanned his eyes over me and said 'All woman, that's how I like it'. He used to follow me around the building.

Nothing pleasant about having to see someone everyday and wondering what lovely compliment you're going to get next. Hmm

Nothing pleasant about harassment.

OP posts:
InternetArgument · 03/04/2019 13:50

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Gilead · 03/04/2019 13:50

I don't think that's in the least bit creepy. If a strange man told me I looked beautiful, I'd just take it as a compliment.
Seriously? You'd tell your children that it's perfectly acceptable to be shouted at and judged by complete strangers.

spanishwife · 03/04/2019 13:51

A normal conversation with someone you only know in the context of a shop is 'ooh i love that new sandwich!' or 'great bag/coat/scarf, i've been looking at that online' etc

Not trying to work out your route to work and insinuating you'll see them later. That is creepy.

pinkyredrose · 03/04/2019 13:51

if a strange man told me i liked beautiful I'd take it as a compliment Hmm

I feel rather sorry for you that your self esteem is boosted by a stranger finding you 'beautiful' Time40

DarlingNikita · 03/04/2019 13:52

99% of the time its conversation. People do that. It's quite normal.

No, it isn't normal to ask where someone works, then ask how they get there from the shop, then say they might see them later.

spanishwife · 03/04/2019 13:52

@Time40 you think that being shouted at from across a car park and then having someone comment on your looks without even a hello is totally ok?

spanishwife · 03/04/2019 13:55

I have plenty of 'normal' non-creepy conversations out and about with strangers. I've also had a few lovely guys giving me a compliment out of the blue.

I've also had disgusting creeps shouting compliments at me from nowehere, and creepy guys asking far too personal questions (e.g. where you do work/how do you get home).

You can ALWAYS tell when it's the creepy ones.

Nesssie · 03/04/2019 13:55

Time40 tbf I agree. If he'd shouted 'you make my dick hard' then yes, that is creepy. But I can't see how being called beautiful is anything other than a compliment.

Everanewbie · 03/04/2019 13:59

Serious question, at what point does a flirty encounter become creepy? Is there a line in what is said, and how its said, or does it depend on the attractiveness of the man?

I mean if its Bill with 3 teeth and an anorak, "hi darling, where are you off to?" is creepy as hell, but if the George Clooney lookalike says the same thing, is this also unacceptable?

spanishwife · 03/04/2019 14:01

Combination of all 3 @Everanewbie.

It's all down to the receiver as to whether they want the attention or not. However if I woman says she felt threatened or creeped out, we should accept that, not insist they are being complimented.

FizzyGreenWater · 03/04/2019 14:02

I find I just don't have time to let this stuff intrude any more. I am too busy and too short tempered.

Some git leaned out of his car window with a smirk and started saying something the other day - I just cut him straight off with a 'FUCK OFF, DEIRDRE'.

I have no idea where the Deirdre came from but it made me laugh all morning.

I will freely admit to being a bit of a man hater. Apart from the ones I know and like/love etc. Yes it's not great but they bring it on themselves and I don't give a fuck any more.

FizzyGreenWater · 03/04/2019 14:04

Sorry I think my point was that sadly, in order to have the comebacks you wish you'd had later all ready on the tip of your tongue - you have to basically be a bit of a man hater.

Shame but there it is.

By the time you've reacted normally with slight confusion to the fuckers, they've had their dig in and gone their sweet way.

The only answer is to be expecting them all to be nasty creepy turds and getting your FUCK OFF DEIRDRE in first.

JenniferJareau · 03/04/2019 14:04

I had a creep sit next to me a few weeks ago. He sits next to me on the tube and started reading his newspaper at an odd angle. Closes and opens the paper a few times then does it again and the back of his hand was then resting on my knee. No way he didn’t feel it. I had my bag on my lap and gave his hand a good shove off my knee. Really wanted to say something loudly like ‘Get your hand off my knee you arsehole!’ but decided against it Grin

FizzyGreenWater · 03/04/2019 14:04

Sorry I think my point was that sadly, in order to have the comebacks you wish you'd had later all ready on the tip of your tongue - you have to basically be a bit of a man hater.

Shame but there it is.

By the time you've reacted normally with slight confusion to the fuckers, they've had their dig in and gone their sweet way.

The only answer is to be expecting them all to be nasty creepy turds and getting your FUCK OFF DEIRDRE in first.

Livingoncake · 03/04/2019 14:04

In my younger, prettier days, I took public transport a lot and used to read to pass the time. Many’s the time some bloke would decide I should be entertaining him instead, and get into my space, read over my shoulder, ask what I’m reading, why I’m reading, where am I headed, do I have a boyfriend, blah blah blah. I hated them so much for yanking me out of the fictional world I’d been enjoying, but, being conditioned to be polite to entitled arseholes, I just made polite noises while they told me a pretty girl like me shouldn’t need to read.

It’s easy nowadays. I have three kids in tow everywhere I go and I’m perpetually knackered. For some reason the entitled arseholes don’t bother me anymore.

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