The Mumsnet ideal

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You have to: Have big house in the country
Work, both of you, all the hours you can to afford this.
Drive everywhere
Get a cleaner

If you have e.g. a flat, in the town, that is not a 'proper home'
If you don't work all the hours you can, you are lazy
Ditto for driving.

If you disagree with an OP, you must tell them that they are really controlling. That's always great advice and super helpful.

You (or your DP) must have a quirky hobby that you are unable to reveal as it is too 'outing'

It's perfectly acceptable to trawl through your husband's phone. If you find he's having any chitchat with another woman you're allowed to demand he stop. If he tells you you're being controlling it's okay to talk to the woman.

Your idea of dressing well is skinny jeans, a breton and a pair of loafe and hair in a messy bin.

Not my experience of the site at all OP.

Mumsnet isn’t an entity it’s just a discussion site which millions of parents and others visit.

It sounds like you are picking up on opinions some have and have expressed in discussions, and which make you feel defensive for whatever reason.

@Lumene I think most people have taken this thread in a light-hearted way, I wouldn't take it too seriously.

On how much alcohol do you drink threads:

I have half a thimbleful of sherry on xmas day from a bottle we've had for over 10 years. DH is the same.

On how much do you weigh threads:

I weigh 6.5 stone. Have piled on the pounds since menopause. I'm a size 4 which 10 years ago was basically a size 16 so technically I'm overweight.

What do you eat threads:

Whatever I like - mainly a HUUUUGE salad of iceberg lettuce without dressing.

Thank fuck for this thread, was in a foul mood, but actually this made me snort coffee all over my phone. Love it. Thanks OP!

Nothing in your house is from a shop in the uk. Everything has been lovingly sourced by you, from artisan markets in Marrakesh. Even your tea-towels.

"I weigh 6.5 stone. Have piled on the pounds since menopause. I'm a size 4 which 10 years ago was basically a size 16 so technically I'm overweight"

Ugh this. You MUST foam at the mouth about "vanity sizing" because everyone knows that if you're a size 12 nowadays you would never have found anything to fit you 30 years ago you disgusting fat beast.

Also the competitive under eating threads, anything more than a thimble of quinoa and a sniff of a lettuce leaf for lunch and you are just soooooooooooooooo stuffed.

If some poor bastard hasn't MOT'd his car down the road you should shop him to the DVLA because it's STEALING FROM PEOPLE. If your 'mate' who's on benefits has got something nice you should shop them/stir trouble for them because they must be STEALING FROM PEOPLE. The Royal Family on the other hand....marvellous

You have many hobbies as a family. You spend your weekends kayaking together before climbing a mountain or two, followed by some geocaching. You never slob around in your PJ's with a family sized bag of doritos in one hand and a giant toblerone in the other while your DCs watch dvds. If you do this, you are scum. You should be out kayaking.

Someone will post a lighthearted thread yet there will always be the person who doesn't get it.

'This is not my experience you must be looking at the wrong thread, perhaps you have the issue op'

🙄

You resent wedding invitations and actively dislike attending weddings of family and friends. Such weddings are badly done and either ostentatious, or insufficient food, or grabby, or whatever. In contrast, your wedding - which cost £150 (including buffet, flowers and a string quartet from the local music academy) - was a day people still talk about, Misty-eyed as the best wedding in their lifetime

You are wealthy - joint household income of 6 figures - but you are passionately frugal and don't actually spend it on anything (other than occasional clothes purchases from charity shops, your Lidl shopping and school uniform).

If someone else is struggling financially,, all they need to do is retrain and get a better paid job (eg become a patent lawyer). (Assuming of course they don't become a Professional Ironer)

You send scores of thank you cards every day. You sent your hairdresser one. Well, you gave it to her because it was in your bag ready to give. People who don't send thank you cards are solely responsible for the imminent societal collapse.

Your birthday is a big deal. You expect your friends to go away with you for the weekend, at their own expense. A friend once forgot your birthday, you're now no contact.

So many funny contradictions on this thread, thanks op for starting it.

You eat nothing but a huuuge salad every day but if you're invited to a wedding you can't possibly attend because the bride and groom aren't going to feed you enough 🤷‍♀️

You think nothing of travelling on flights and trains, across the world with multiple small children on your own. No stress and worries for you..

You're rude to others but say when queried you are 'being straight talking' or 'plain talking. Not rude, at all.

You never get fed up of your child, ever.
You think it is quite normal to have never been apart from your five-year old and are aghast and angry when your MIL offers to babysit.
You think the child you have at four is the fully-formed model: you don't understand why teenagers won't tidy their room because your four-year-old knows how to tidy hers already.
You also k ow that your child will definitely not be a difficult teen because you have laid the foundations of good behavior from being young.

You never get fed up of your child, ever

Yes, and times this by 1000 if you are a step mother to said child.

You must display a pineapple in your fruit bowl when expecting visitors and said pineapple must NEVER be for actually eating. Ditto Molton Brown/Elemis handwash must be displayed in downstairs loo along with super white fluffy hand towels. [These are also NOT for use]
You may also display your penis beaker but only on your DH's/DP's bedside table.