The Mumsnet ideal

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You have to: Have big house in the country
Work, both of you, all the hours you can to afford this.
Drive everywhere
Get a cleaner

If you have e.g. a flat, in the town, that is not a 'proper home'
If you don't work all the hours you can, you are lazy
Ditto for driving.

@midsomermurderess haha I'm such a weirdo because I DO say goodness. My midwives commented that I was the most polite person giving birth because I kept saying 'oh, goodness!'

You must love Meghan Markle, if you don't - you're racist.

But you must not mention the Royals at all ideally.

If you meet your extended family you must foot the whole food & drink bill
And provide food and crudités
Mn logic is,if invited anywhere I’m a guest therefore someone else should pay
Suggest birthday drinks in pub to family be prepared that means you buy all food & drink
If you don’t offer a free bar you’re a tight wad

If you want to know the answer to a factual question, that can be found on a website, you must ask on here instead, but make your question vague enough that you will get at least a dozen contradictory answers.

Example OP - going to Europe next week, what's my baggage allowance? No detail on which airline, whether they have hold luggage, how many people, etc etc.

Gets replies that only apply to Ryanair from years ago, when everyone knows they change their rules frequently, someone else posts the BA long haul rules, then another post describing what you get on Emirates if you travel first class.

Then it transpires that the OP is going on Easyjet and someone posts a link to the Easyjet website, the OPwill then post 'what's it say, I don't click random links' .

Booking a 'spa day' is always the answer to any domestic problem , (especially if DH has too many hobbies which take him away).

Everyone wanting to leave their relationship is entitled to a free half an hour with a lawyer,

And if you make any query with regard to wills, (especially if you are upset about a perceived injustice) you're automatically 'Entitled', and not in a good way ...

On that topic, you must not actually ask a question at all. You must google for hours and you'd have your answer. It's immaterial that you wanted human input.

Get highlights
Go spa day
Go shopping
...mn panacea to any critical life event

There's something seriously, deeply wrong with you if you'd rather just pay what you personally owe for a meal and not split the cost of a meal. Same goes for rounds of drinks.

Don't even mention your birthday, not even a big one. If you must, then the minimum amount of fuss and gifts are acceptable. Anything more than that and you are clearly "hard work" and a princess.

You must also have the most frugal Christmas imaginable.

But have a spa day

On that topic, you must not actually ask a question at all. You must google for hours and you'd have your answer. It's immaterial that you wanted human input

But it doesn't take hours of googling to find the website of the airline that you are travelling with, you were on it when you booked your flights.

And what's the point of human input when you have half a dozen different answers, all wrong?

Shared money,the mn marker of the done thing
Imagine if you used your own money to pay what you owe.who knows were that’ll end
A woman being financially autonomous,that’ll never do

Baby names can be 'booked' even if you are not pregnant yet , Anyone else using 'your' baby name is being unreasonable .

SILs are always looking to do this (as well as living their lives doing w everything they can to ruin everything else for you )

(Ive got to stop this now...I really do enjoy MN! , its great )

Your children are embarrassingly bright and sporty and popular.

If you let your kids drink ☕️ or coffee you may as well be giving them crack. 🚬

Your hair is clean and expertly cut and coloured.

You 'keep slim'.

You must knock down every internal downstairs wall in your house and turn your home into a warehouse. There is nothing better than trying to watch TV with the sound of a washing machine, tumble dryer, dishwasher, etc in the background along with the smell of the curry you had for dinner that night. You also can not "socialise" unless you have a breakfast bar/island - I have never met anyone who has such a large room that they can't talk in it without an island. I am going to predict that eventually someone is going to be daft enough to have open plan upstairs too.

I'm really confused, is this a satirical thread? I've not encountered any of these personalities.

looking to attend a Russell group university from Pre school or you have failed at parenting.

Oh come on, that's ridiculous. Everybody knows that it has to be Oxbridge, but at the very minimum you might just salvage a modicum of respect with St Andrews, Durham or Bristol.

If you refer to your vagina when really you mean your vulva, you should be taken out and shot by sniper.

If anybody mentions anything from greggs you need to google what it is as you’ve never stepped foot in the door

Your children catch tadpoles in jars,make duplo farms and ride bikes

they don’t play fortnite,watch CBeebies,watch river dale or go on YouTube

If you have a boy, he must own a Barbie and a toy pram. If you have a girl, she must be given lego and have a ride on dumper truck.

If you have a girly girl, it's because you reared her that way. That she refused to wear anything that wasn't pink from the day she could speak, is because you forced gender stereotypes on her.

Your female child must want to study engineering, maths or physics. Unless it's medicine at a top university. Medicine is appropriately gender neutral and makes for excellent bragging rights at your dinner parties.

If you work in an office, it is absolutely ok to spend all day posting on MN. However, if you work in retail and are disciplined for taking a personal call, it's clear that you are taking the piss and deserved it.

I'm really confused, is this a satirical thread? I've not encountered any of these personalities.

If you start a lighthearted thread poking fun at the idiosyncracies of Mumsnet (which after all, you purposefully use in spite of or even because of its flaws), you will get a poster either pretending to be confused, or who apparently hasn't ever read a thread on Mumsnet, because the things said on this thread happen all the time.

See also 'MN is not a hive mind'.

(Except that I've posted on many many different forums in my life, and they all have different cultures and standards. Never in my life have I witnessed competitive 'kindness' except on MN! And the snootiness about cash bars at weddings/evening dos is a MN special to me too.)

Worth mentioning that said pink girly girl now, would rather stay at home than be seen in public in something that isn't black, grey or beige and has the label Nike, Addidas, Fila or Superdry on it.
Therefore she was not only gender stereotyped as a child, but I have also reared an ungrateful mercenary teen.