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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

The Mumsnet ideal

768 replies

Home77 · 03/04/2019 10:14

You have to: Have big house in the country
Work, both of you, all the hours you can to afford this.
Drive everywhere
Get a cleaner

If you have e.g. a flat, in the town, that is not a 'proper home'
If you don't work all the hours you can, you are lazy
Ditto for driving.

OP posts:
Gohenceforth · 03/04/2019 13:59

Children must be significantly anove average at a minimum and looking to attend
a Russell group university from Pre school or you have failed at parenting.

Squigglesworth · 03/04/2019 13:59

Forgot one!

You must "be kind".

"Being kind" often means behaving like a feeble-minded martyr. Let people take advantage of you/your family, walk all over you, practically steal from you-- all in the name of "being kind".

This frequently involves ignoring all the evidence in the case in order to make up a story that absolves the CF of all guilt, or at least paints them in the best light possible. It doesn't matter that there's no way it's remotely accurate. It's the "kind" approach, so just do it, damn you!

SpeedyBojangles · 03/04/2019 14:00

You must not have any kind of social life or even leave the house until your baby is at least 2 months old.

Family wedding.... nope can't go

Hen weekend.... absolutely out of the question.

SpeedyBojangles · 03/04/2019 14:01

*12 months old

NunoGoncalves · 03/04/2019 14:03

You must make everything into an indecipherable acronym

LOL TOIDT!

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 03/04/2019 14:03

Mn woman must give up her career and be a selfless martyr to her family
Work is an empty vacuous pursuit except even undertaken by top of their game men

huntinghighandlow · 03/04/2019 14:06

If you ring 111 on the advice of other posters, you must give regular updates. Even if you get rushed to hospital and end up in intensive care, you must let the other posters know, as it's not fair to keep people wondering what the outcome of the thread was.

Gisel · 03/04/2019 14:06

If you say something that doesn't fit with the particular tone chosen for a particular thread, you are being a goady fucker.

You must have sex 5 times a week, as sex is very important in a relationship.

If you can't be Advanced Searched and all previous posts cross referenced, you are a troll. If you can be Advanced Searched, something you said 2 years ago will be trotted out to prove that you are a troll. Or a goady fucker. Or something doesn't add up. 'But you posted in 1952 saying that you had 4 kids, now you're saying you have 2 kids, which is it?'

You must have the memory of an elephant with an encyclopedic knowledge of all posters, so that you can say 'Are you the poster who.........' This is in the event of Advance Searching coming up with diddly squat to prove a poster is a troll.

buzzbobbly · 03/04/2019 14:07

If you don't like hordes of people crammed into busy places, you have anxiety.
If you don't like vomit, you are emetophobic.
If you don't like listening to people eat, you have misophonia.
If you tend to do things to rub along with others, you are a people-pleaser.
If your child is a raging little brat, he or she is "lively".
If an older person is in a bad mood, they have the signs of dementia.

huntinghighandlow · 03/04/2019 14:07

Never moan about your mother being a pain because 'at least yours isn't dead'

Gisel · 03/04/2019 14:08

Never moan about your mother being a pain because 'at least yours isn't dead'

PMSL!!!!!!

Gisel · 03/04/2019 14:11

You must breastfeed exactly to the WHO recommended age.

You must co-sleep until your child is 15 and then wonder why your child is a bit of a sensitive wee soul with no friends.

If you haven't woken up 5 times a night for the first 20 years of parenting, you are obviously doing it wrong. It is not normal for a child to get a good night's sleep.

Gisel · 03/04/2019 14:12

You must in fact, do everything to the WHO recommended guidelines.

spanishwife · 03/04/2019 14:12

@Gisel not just an MN thing... just a human being thing.

FineFanks · 03/04/2019 14:13

You must hate dogs and avoid them at all costs, disgusting and dangerous creatures.

Gisel · 03/04/2019 14:13

If you make an observation you must be able to provide peer reviewed evidence of such observation, preferably from multiple sources.

Laska2Meryls · 03/04/2019 14:13

If you want to organise anything for your wedding and one of your Bridesmaids doesn't like the dress/colours/theme/hen night arrangements/ anything , you are a Bridezilla .

Brides must pay for absolutely everything or they are not allowed to have a choice (or they are Bridezillas)

All children of anyone invited must also be invited and special arrangements must be made for them,
All guests must be invited to all day or else they are just 'make up' numbers to get more gifts/ cash
Poems are not allowed on invites.
No B&G should ever ask for money instead of a present and if they do then take a photo frame or a toaster instead or and empty card.
Food must be individually tailored to all guests requirements or otherwise.
Cash bar=mean

Your future MIL will most likely wear white to your wedding as she is a jealous cow and wants all the attention herself.

Gisel · 03/04/2019 14:13

More than the dogs, you must love cats!

Moralitym1n1 · 03/04/2019 14:14

You absolutely must assume that all transwomen are rapists and pedophiles and make a huge fuss about their presence in any public space.

I don't assume it but I also don't assume they're not a sexual predator taking advantage of the opportunity.

I've been more than aware that there's an oversupply of male perverts and sex offenders in the world since I was a young girl.

Gisel · 03/04/2019 14:16

And for the love of God and all that is holy, do not ever ever ever ever put a boy in blue or a girl in pink. Unless you're a Daily Mail reader, where it's to be expected.

If you post anything with a link to the DM, you must immediately apologise and declare that you don't read it.

Squigglesworth · 03/04/2019 14:17

If you post a picture of your home asking advice about what color cushion to purchase, you must be prepared for a surprising number of people to then tell you variations of:

~ your room is too small/big

~ the wall color is all wrong (it should be magnolia no, sage green no, deep burgundy)

~ don't bother trying to tart up that old furniture with a new cushion-- why not just replace the whole thing?

~ the room's not too bad, actually, if you'd simply change everything about it

~ cushions are sooo outdated / nobody uses cushions anymore!

~ cushions are bad for the environment or cause serious health problems, and you're bad for using them

Gisel · 03/04/2019 14:18

You must not use Facebook, unless it's for the purposes of complaining about Facebook.

Gisel · 03/04/2019 14:19

You must have at least 24 close friends to help you in the case of emergencies.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 03/04/2019 14:19

All monies are family monies,if you have the temerity to maintain your own account youre in an uncommitted relationship.like flat mates

Must have one shared account,managing your own money is sneaky and you’re looking for the exit

Must have same surname (even of unmarried) otherwise it’s no a family.folk will think he’s not the dad if they don’t have his name

Gisel · 03/04/2019 14:20

The only socialising you are allowed to do if you are a mother, is to meet one of said 24 friends for coffee.