The Mumsnet ideal

[Home77]

You have to: Have big house in the country
Work, both of you, all the hours you can to afford this.
Drive everywhere
Get a cleaner

If you have e.g. a flat, in the town, that is not a 'proper home'
If you don't work all the hours you can, you are lazy
Ditto for driving.

The term 'virtue signalling' is all over the internet/press and has been for ages. You must be very busy.

Must I?

I mean, I read the Guardian, Independent, BBC and NY Times websites and I've never seen it on there. I don't post on any other forums.

A mn husband is always top of his game,a huge earner

Anything other than a husband top of his game/senior role is a slacker

However mn woman mustn’t work FT,pursuit of money by women is vulgar

Purposeful misunderstanding of commonly understood phrases
Living room, what?pardon?do you mean the lounge
Dinner ?pardon?what do you mean?do you mean supper?
Sofa?pardon?what do you mean?do you mean settee?

Baby boomers are all rich, selfish and extremely entitled. They all live in huge houses, go on 3 holidays a year and have huge pensions. None of them help their children with house deposits or regular financial help. If they do give financial assistance, it’s because they are controlling narcissists.

You or your du have a hobby that you can’t disclose as it “would be very outing”.

You must never EVER take a day off work. If you are breathing then you are well enough to go in.
Also, your DCs shouldn’t miss a single day of school. Even if you are on a life-support machine you need to get up and transport them to school, you lazy wench.

Name your child anything in the top 50 most popular names, UGH how common. It needs to be obscure or really old fashioned. Little Julian Fauntleroy won’t thank you when he’s a teenager, but never mind!

When MN is criticised you must abandon any sense of humour or proportion, take it as a personal criticism of you and post huffily about how you are Not Like That.

Wash your towels and bedsheets on the hour, every hour and burn every toilet brush you see

I've already failed the Mumsnetter test miserably.

@NunoCongalves

Never seen it on The Guardian site? Well, I certainly have, several times. they treat it as a badge of honour, granted.

Point is, it's a common enough phrase, not a MN exclusive at all.

What a ridiculous point of view.

You must be coy and squeamish about sex. If it must be referred to, you simply say ‘did the deed’ or preferably DTD and use the emoji. You have no idea how you got pregnant in the first place.

They

Often it's below the line from RW trolls; perhaps you are sensible and don't go there.

Your DC must only aspire to go to Oxford, Cambridge or Durham.

You must never allow tradesmen to use your loo. Shudder.

Everyone else's DH is a narc bastard. Yours is an absolute gentleman.

If you don't do all DIY yourself, put together flat-pack furniture, know how to build a chest of drawers from scratch, how to mend the electrics and fix any plumbing issues, you are giving women a bad name.

You must be a feminist. Otherwise you are a weak, feeble 1950's woman who is giving women a bad name.

MIL's are the devil incarnate. I chuckle at the notion that some of these women will be MIL's themselves one day.

You must undertake all the tasks of a SAHM, but while having a high-flying, incredible career. You must absolutely not simply have a 'job'. It's a career or nothing. But while also SAHM-ing.

If you are actually a SAHM you are a lazy parasite, of course.

You must not speak to your children in public lest you be accused of performance parenting - however you must also be fully engaged with your children at all times. Possibly via the medium of interpretive dance.

Most importantly of all, you MUST cancel the cheque, and never, ever go to Maui.

You must be a feminist. Otherwise you are a weak, feeble 1950's woman who is giving women a bad name.

This is meant to be sarcastic but.....

You applaud a woman’s choice not to have children and would never judge her.

However a shorthand description of ‘Friend A (doesn’t have kids)’ quickly lets us all know what kind of person she is just as ‘Friend B (avid Daily Mail reader)’ paints a picture.

@spanishwife Point proven!

haha this thread is so funny, who are these fuckers!!!

Mn ideal
You must habitually go on about mn not like the old days,and bemoan the moral collapse of mn

Stupid cleaning tips no one else uses
Pop A febreeze soaked sock down the back of all your radiators for a musty summer field smell

Use calgon to wash your windows

Wash all your whites (make them dp shirts) and colour together hey pop in some red t shirts. A color catcher will sort that.hopefully

Put cat litter in your wheelie bin for odours

Shoot the neighbours if they use your wheelie bin

You must make everything into an indecipherable acronym.

If you have a dog, it must be a rescue. Otherwise you might as well be personally running several puppy mills.

If you admit to being shy or having any anxiety whatsoever, you need to see a professional immediately and probably be on anti-anxiety medication.

Related: If you don't want to answer the door for any reason (at any time of the day or night, under any circumstances), you're a complete weirdo and need to seek professional help for your "anxiety". Just answer the door like an adult!

Also: An adult never fears confrontation or awkward conversations, but simply goes ahead and grabs the bulls by the horns. To do otherwise is loathsomely pathetic.

If someone's over the age of 50 and behave rudely, strangely, etc., it must be dementia. (Doesn't matter that s/he has probably been behaving rudely/strangely for decades before that. It's dementia.)

It's "controlling" to feel even the slightest qualm about your partner/husband developing a close relationship with another woman. No matter the circumstances, how dare you try to "control" him?

Similarly, you can't merely express an opinion or preference (re: clothes, hair, how he spends his time, etc.) in a mutually respectful relationship. Nope, you're trying to control him!

If MN tell you to call 111, you must do so. If not, you will receive 1 million posts asking 'Have you called 111 yet OP?'

If you post asking for advice and don't immediately act on said advice, you're an attention seeker.

Your dp must never go on a stag do,as it’s tantamount to trafficking women. And stag do is a booze fuelled pathetic excuse for a party

Mn woman must have a week long hen do,in luxurious accommodation. This will include huge cost,drinking games,and a male stripper. The accompanying hens must pay £4500 each

My 3 children were brought up on a council estate and went to state schools. I was a proper martyr doing everything for them as I couldn't be bothered with the nagging. I'm late 40s and don't work (well, have an eBay shop making a paltry amount!) I've not gone NC with any of my family. I'm not married to my dp of 20 years either (who is not my children's father) I have zero savings, have never, ever used Zoflora and hadn't even heard of Jo Malone until I discovered MN

Yet all of us are healthy and happy. My youngest is at uni and the other 2 have good jobs. The lack of housework training was poor judgement as they're all still quite messy!!

If my dp ever does leave me I'll just get on with it! I'm not spending my life squirrelling away money and monitoring his phone and laptop 'just in case'

I'll shut the door quietly on my way out

If you have a popular kid, they are very obviously a bully.

If you're an extrovert, you are loud, brash and overbearing.

You must be an introvert. Introvert = Good Extrovert = Bad

You must prefer your own company, read books and enjoy art galleries and museums.

It's a well known fact that boys are easier to rear than girls.