Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say no to this hen party request?

284 replies

HenPartyHelp · 02/04/2019 23:27

I’m due to go on a hen party next month, it’s DPs family member although we’re fairly close

The whole thing is a surprise for the hen so all of my info is coming via text from one of the bridesmaids who I’ve never met

I’ve recently been told that I’m to wear a specific colour, it’s a colour I don’t wear at all and I would have to go out and buy a whole new outfit for it, which I hadn’t originally planned to do plus it would literally be worn once so it feels like such a waste of money

The whole wedding plus stags and hens is already costing us a lot of money and this is yet another expense that we really can’t afford

WIBU to just say no, I’m not wearing that colour, but I’ll avoid being in pictures so as not to ruin them (which I’m fairly sure is the reason for the colour scheme?)

I’ve never met any of these people before, if I say no will they all hate me before I even get there??
Should I just suck it up and buy a new outfit?
I don’t want to be the awkward one who refused to join in
Confused

OP posts:
Thread gallery
10
NunoGoncalves · 03/04/2019 10:37

I can't believe the number of people who can't believe the number of people saying she should just get something cheap instead of causing a big fuss about something so pointless at somebody else's hen party.

I mean, if it's really an affront you could just not go? But a pink t-shirt from Primark will cost you about the same as one drink at a bar. Much less than the £10 being quoted above.

Honestly, if it's a hen party where everyone but the bride is wearing pink, and you turn up as the only one not doing so in order to make some sort of bizarre stand and to save yourself a couple of quid, you're just a dick.

Original poster
HenPartyHelp · 03/04/2019 10:38

Wow I wasn’t expecting this many responses

I’m not sure why people think I’m being ‘attention Seeking’ or all the other things they’ve said, this is purely down to cost (and the fact that I don’t want to look like a massive condom!) we’ve spent almost a grand on this wedding and haven’t even gone to the sodding thing yet so yes after yet another request for money at this point I’m just thinking ‘oh sod off ive got kids to feed!’

It’s not DPs sister as I think was assumed, she’s a bit more removed than that, and DP is having absolutely none of me not going because ‘it’s family!’ 🙄

I’ll uave a look through all the links to pink now thankyou to the people who took the time to do that Smile

OP posts:
3luckystars · 03/04/2019 10:42

If you don't know them, how do you know, they could all be wearing Primark.

I know weddings are expensive, but if you like the bride just go out for a little while and wear the stupid pink Primark top. The bride might be mortified at the stupidity of this but would like you to be there.

doIreallyneedto · 03/04/2019 10:43

@IvanaPee - In a group situation usually consensus is what counts

It doesn't sound like a consensus as the op wasn't asked for an opinion.

livefornaps · 03/04/2019 10:50

Pink wig or feather boa!!

Or hot pink. Much better fuck baby pink. You'd look like a herd of hogs.

SummerHouse · 03/04/2019 10:52

Birthday suit. That will show them literally

girlandboy · 03/04/2019 10:53

£37.99 for that Bonprix dress is not what I'd call cheap.

I was going to suggest looking on Everything5pounds.com

spanishwife · 03/04/2019 11:08

Either go in baby pink or don’t go at all. Simple
Either go in baby pink or don’t go at all. Simple
Either go in baby pink or don’t go at all. Simple
Either go in baby pink or don’t go at all. Simple
Either go in baby pink or don’t go at all. Simple
Either go in baby pink or don’t go at all. Simple
Either go in baby pink or don’t go at all. Simple
Either go in baby pink or don’t go at all. Simple
Either go in baby pink or don’t go at all. Simple

What @Newhere555 said

spanishwife · 03/04/2019 11:10

Wearing a different colour with a 'pink' accessory is not the look they are going for and you will look like you missed the point. All pink or nada

thatmustbenigelwiththebrie · 03/04/2019 11:11

This sounds like my idea of hell. But I would probably go along with it and shut up to keep the peace. Just buy something cheap. Who cares?

PotterHead1985 · 03/04/2019 11:15

@ThisIsMeOrIsIt your hen sounds AMAZING. As I am sure you can tell from my username it would have been RIGHT up my street Grin

outpinked · 03/04/2019 11:16

Really petty. I don’t wear pink either but for a close friend/relative I would buy a £5 T-shirt from primark or a charity shop (probably cheaper in a charity shop or eBay tbf). I think you’re making a big deal out of nothing.

IvanaPee · 03/04/2019 11:57

If you don’t know them, OP, how do you know they’d look down on you for wearing something from Primark?

You can choose now to think “sod off, I’ve kids to feed” or you can spend less than a tenner by just taking part in what’s organized and getting over yourself. Or you can just not go.

DP isn’t having it?? What’s he going to do, frog march you to it??

SleepingStandingUp · 03/04/2019 12:24

DP is having absolutely none of me not going because ‘it’s family!’

Say what??

Purplepanda17 · 03/04/2019 12:38

Have a look on everything 5 pounds.com, they normally have some nice dresses on there and for a fiver it doesn't matter if you never wear it again. Or like some others have said, go have a look in some charity shops :)

Gruzinkerbell1 · 03/04/2019 13:16

Tell your DP to get himself something pink and trot off to the hen if his family is so important

CornishMaid1 · 03/04/2019 13:25

Black dress, baby pink cardigan/top over the top of it. Discard baby pink item at first opportunity.

Who would ever pick baby pink? Does the bridesmaid just hate everyone?

CastleCrasher · 03/04/2019 13:28

Just wear your black outfit with a baby pink wrap/ cardigan. If you don't want to buy even from Primark/charity shop, I'm sure you could borrow one

spanishwife · 03/04/2019 13:40

This is the look they are going for. Do NOT wear black with some pink. It wont work and you will spoil their photos. Either do the whole dress code or don't go.

To say no to this hen party request?
FilledSoda · 03/04/2019 13:44

I bet the other ladies will be in varying amounts and shades of pink . I'd interpret it quite loosely if I were you.
It's meant to be lighthearted fun , you're already investing time and money , I wouldn't be dictated to to this degree.

WeBuiltCisCityOnSexistRoles · 03/04/2019 13:49

IvanaPee "Do people on here genuinely not get that just because they don’t like or do something, doesn’t mean nobody else does?"

I absolutely realise that people have different tastes, that's why I don't inflict my preferences or choices on other people. Nothing wrong with different strokes for different folks - I would much rather not have a hen night and spend that money on tattoos and cats. I wouldn't insist on having a hen night and asking people to have a tattoo or bring a cat to it, just because I like them and think it would be cool in the photos Grin (PS that is LIGHTHEARTED Wink)

I think I'm one of the "I got married on 50p in a homeless shelter" people Wink but we wore jeans/off the peg pink dress and left people free to wear whatever the hell they wanted. I didn't say everyone should come in jeans. A few wore suits, funnily enough! Genuinely couldn't care less what people wore, or even remember unless I looked at the photos.

It's fair enough to say "I want to enforce people wearing a certain colour" but people should appreciate that being that prescriptive isn't everyone's cup of tea and guests might not want to come...

I respect dress codes and social conventions/family requests at funerals etc btw. I don't think an enforced colour code for a hen night is in this league or even reasonable and personally I wouldn't go (or imagine having the type of friends that would expect this).

WeBuiltCisCityOnSexistRoles · 03/04/2019 13:51

Oooh my last sentence did sound a bit pompously judgmental Blush

rosablue · 03/04/2019 14:33

Get a cheap cotton scarf in baby pink from ebay for a pound, aim to wear paler colours that you do have rather than black and if they pull you up on it say that you've bought your scarf as a pink thing to wear, what pink thing are they wearing. Just deliberately misunderstand that it's supposed to be the entire outfit and if they say anything then point out that they obviously can't expect everybody to buy a new outfit just to wear the once, so you got teh scarf.

At least if you're wearing paler stuff you won't stand out quite as much!

CadburysTastesVileNow · 03/04/2019 14:54

'...say that you've bought your scarf as a pink thing to wear, what pink thing are they wearing. Just deliberately misunderstand that it's supposed to be the entire outfit ...'

And then the MoH will point out this thread. Probably via the Daily Mail.